A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd love to be eight again" she replied

On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big bowl
of
Coco Pops and then took her off to the local theme park. What a Day!

He put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme Park. Her head was
reeling
and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband
ordered
her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog,
popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M& M's.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed
exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and
lovingly
asked

"Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my
dress size, you moron."

The moral of this story: Even when a man is Listening, he's still going
to
get it wrong.

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out
for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day
and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre,
kiss me !!" Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie
lips. "What are you doing, Pierre ?" says the startled Marie."I am
Pierre, the fighter pilot !! When I have red meat, I have red wine !!"
She smiles and they start kissing.Things began to heat up a little and
Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open,
grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts. "Pierre !!
What are you doing now ?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre, the
fighter pilot !! When I have white meat, I have white wine !!" She
giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really
steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me
much lower !!"Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac
and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the cognac
on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine. Standing waist
deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE,
WHAT THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?" Our 'hero' stands and says
defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot !! If I go down, I go down in
flames !!"

Awesome!

The husband had just finished reading a new book, called "You can be the
Man of your House."
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing
a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU
need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You
will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my
meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going
to go upstairs with me, and we will have all the sex that I want. After
that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my
back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.....then, you will massage my
feet and hands. Then after that's all done, guess who's going to dress
me and comb my hair?"....

His wife replied, "The f**king funeral director would be my guess...."


*********Better mind your manners gentlemen!! Ha ha.********

That was way cool!! Thanks for sharing.........

Still hung up on the special one perhaps? Just a thought. If so, give it
time. Love can be very blind if you let it. Maybe find a new hobbie or
something.....

Ain't that the truth!!

Be patient and it will all fall in place. Seems impossible at times I
know, but she's out there. And when you do finally meet..........hang
on!! Should be the ride of a lifetime!! I can't hardly wait myself
sometimes.

Just gotta remember...........Don't wait for the one you can live
with.......wait for the one you can't live without!!

Lmao...........Hilarious!!

USE THIS WEB ADDRESS TO VISIT THIS PAGE. HELP BY WHAT EVER MEANS YOU
CAN. PRAYERS OR OTHER. THEY ARE FRIENDS OF MINE AND SOME OF THE
NICEST/COOLEST PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD.

I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!!!!!

..........................THANKS, KRAIG


('http://www.caringforconnor.com') =(

Thanks TxsGal............Just been busy!!

A Summary of 2006 e-mails
*
I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I am still waiting to receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is sending me
for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to email, I have learned that my prayers only getanswered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man
along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat
when I'm pumping gas.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I will never check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping
malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will hack into my line for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore
, and Uzbekistan

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider
is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.

And thanks to all the great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I find in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex predator
waiting underneath a car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 60
minutes, you will have 10 years of bad luck and go straight to hell when
you die.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read
their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off
now, it's too late.

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between
assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of
the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the
ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked
to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you
to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm
still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the
Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-****ed
him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other
students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the
Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do
that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting
America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid **** and
act like an asshole. So, He sent me."

Just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a
Happy Holidays!!

Yeah, I've heard em. They real good!!

Well the crooks have found a way to rob you

of your gift card balance.

If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack

that has various store cards

you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are

now jotting down the card

numbers in the store and then wait a few days

and call to see how much

of a balance they have on the card. Once they

find the card is

"activated", and then they go on-line

and start shopping. You may want

to purchase your card from a customer service

person, where they do not

have the Gift Cards viewable to the public.

Please share this with all

your family and friends...

And unfortunately, it's true:

http://www.snopes.com/fraud/sales/giftcard.asp





Melissa Dietrich


Intervention Coordinator


Fairview Corporate Risk Mgmt


612-672-7679


Fax: 612-672-6007

I accidently deleted your message. If you find this, know that I'm sorry
and had hoped to reply to you. I have not had any luck finding you on
here.

I can’t be an ass,
it’s not in my heart.
You want a real man,
one set apart.

I’m not rich or tall,
conceded or rude.
Probably not the best looking,
just a normal dude.

My appearance means nothing,
not as bad ass as I seem.
If you took a chance,
would you see what I mean?

Mind, body and soul,
they don’t always agree.
Flesh, spirit and thoughts,
Always tugging at me.

I know who I am,
a Prince, a Pauper, maybe a Geek!
I’m true to myself,
am I what it is you seek?

You’ve been beaten and battered,
broken and abused,
The lies and the troubles,
you don’t deserve.

I’m a victim of a pure heart,
your love I won’t cast,
Can someone please tell me,
why is it nice guys finish last?

Give it an 8.5. Is better than most and agree that with upgrades it
could be one of the best. Would like to see a better search engine
thought. A little more detailed. So far so good guys!!