100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
|
|
|
Amaeb,if you want to conform,so u r welcome. No thanks. I'm done conforming to things. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
To be very honest I'm not one to conform, so even if my town saw divorce as something sinful I'd still be divorcing my husband anyway. Who would stay with a man who struck a woman for voicing her concerns and opinions? Not me, that's for sure.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Hello, I'm new~
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Sigh
|
|
We actually sat down and spoke about it. Bottom line is they're having trouble adjusting to having a toddler around, but they said they are trying and do not want me to go to a shelter. My friend's mother broke down crying, and confessed that she considered me as a daughter to her. Um there was a lot crying, hugging, and guidelines being made which I happily consented to. They agreed to continue helping me out if I get a job and pay a low monthly rent which is more than acceptable.
If it had gone down the other road, I am not stupid nor selfish. I would have sucked up my pride and preferences and went to a shelter if I needed to. I'm not inconsiderate like some of the young mom's these days are, and I take pride in that. I didn't pressure my hosts into letting me stay either, I simply asked what they would like to do since it is their money, their house, and their food that they are sharing with me. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm currently separated from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and although he was a jerk (understatement, really) I still find myself missing him during the night. I don't know why, he wasn't very loving or affectionate.. It's just hard. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any tips for me? You're thinking of the semi-good times that kept you with him. Don't. It may be hard but in time you will learn to let go of him. Let go completely of the people who give you overall bad memories. Surround yourself with positive people, that's the only way to survive this feeling. That's my girl! Good advice, hun.    You made the right choice with me Thank you. :) I will try harder, but also let myself grieve over him, even if he was a complete jerk. We're all young. When something like this happens, we think its over in some way, we can't move past it. I don't like to live in the past so much. We've all come across jerks, even women can be jerks. You were with him for a while so all this is still so new, its naturally to long for the good times. But what's great about starting over sometimes is the clean slate. You know what you want a little bit now and coming out of the other side, you learned to hold on to yourself in all of it. Its pretty amazing even though a piece of us dies, we don't. Its definitely all how we make of it. You're gonna think about him, hell I do that with certain people who meant a lot to me, you're gonna hold onto the positive image he gave you but he is not your life anymore. The better off you'll be the more you accept that. It's no joke that I am better off without him in my life. And you're right, I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. That's so great to hear! Be nice if there was another couple here who found exactly what they're looking for. All the best to ya Hmmm, the site DOES work afterall  Hahaha, I know right? I never expected to meet anyone that'd be interested, but there is one whom I'd like to get to know better. :) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Sigh
|
|
settle the custody issue..if u have half then that would make things a little easier or if u get full custody get his *** for child support asap..i know where ur comming from not from a mothers point of view but the childs. its hard and very scary but u can get through it. if u go back ull just drag all this out longer than it has to be. i hope this hellped a little. be strong ill keep u in my preyers and remember its always darkest before dawn I don't want it to get any worse than it already has, haha, but you are right. I'm looking forward to when things finally start looking better. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Sigh
|
|
So first of all, let me explain my situation. I was married to a man for four years, the first two years were amazing until we had a baby. He became controlling, mentally and physically abusive, and we ended things recently. He did not relinquish the apartment, any of the bank accounts or funds to me, so I was homeless and broke. I went to my mother's for a while but she was anything but supportive. I found someone to take me and my son in, and I moved in a month or so ago. Now I know I have problems, and I'm a little depressed but I am getting therapy for that. I don't even really bring it up around my hosts unless I have to. Recently, their daughter (my friend) admitted to them that she felt like I was taking over her place in the family, and pretty much jealousy. She's been making snide remarks here and there, but she hasn't been that bad. I understand where she's coming from. But last night they lied to me. To my face. I'm starting to feel neglected and like I've outstayed my welcome. I've spoken with them about everything and they really want to help me, but they've said it's very stressful for them and that they felt like it was no longer their house, but mine. I only moved in because I had absolutely no where else to go. I am not taking over your house. You hide in your rooms all day. You exclude me from family events, after claiming I am apart of your family. I just really don't know what to do anymore.. At this point, if I am forced to leave... I will most likely ask my husband to take our son from me.. even though I don't want that happening... I can't even support myself.. My husband forced me not to work or go to school those four years. I'm really feeling worse..and worse... like I'm nothing but a burden.. I need help.. and I'm tired of being pushed away.. I can't stand on my own yet but I wish people would be a lot more supportive rather than selfish... I understand they want their normal lives back, but they could have said no. This hurts me so much, on top of my recent divorce. Reading this stuff is causing me to have a problem with my eyes. Water keeps leaking out of them.  I cried half way through writing that to be very honest.. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Sigh
|
|
I really don't want to go to a shelter. I won't know anyone there, and to be quite honest I don't feel like sharing my life story. I don't even know if they will accept me since my hosts still want me to stay. It's just random moments when I feel like that they might want me out, but that might be because of other reasons on my part.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
. . . I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. Do I detect a rebound? Hardly. I learned from my last relationship to take things slow and to actually know the person before I start anything. I'm definitely not like my husband when it comes to stuff like that. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Sigh
|
|
Okay, right now you need to call a local Women's Shelter. They will take you and your son in. They will help feed and clothe you and your son. They will help you find work. They will find you an apartment. This is what they do. I would have to go with Soufie on this one... But then again there is some information that you do not give. Like how long have you been staying with these people? Do you have a Job? If not have you even looked for one? Have you checked in on Welfare in order to be able to help with food while your staying with others. People don't mind helping within reason. That is if the ones they are helping is actually trying to better themselves and doing all they can do. In order to get out of the situation they are in. I let my ex daughter in-law move in with me with my grand daughter. It was only till she got on her feet. She stayed with me for about 4 months she worked everyday. If she had been blowing her money then yeah it would have caused a problem. But she did help with food in the house and gave me so much money every other week to help off set the utility bills. Most the time if one is pulling their weight and they know they will be moving out soon the stress is not so great. But if you let someone live with you and they are not working or helping with the off set of grocerys or utilitys then it becomes a probelem in the long run. Most expect if they share their home with someone to help them out then it is only temporary. Some tend to take advantage of that. Not saying you are for there is not enough to go on here to really know the full situation. But as Soufie stated there are programs to help those in your situation. Even those programs expect one to help themselves in the long run in order to get on their feet. I have looked for a job, but there's the issue of who'd watch my son. My hosts work all day, so they'd only be willing to watch him at night. I went to my local office of DSS, and I qualify for medicaid, food stamps, and temporary assistance, so I am getting those. I agreed that I'd buy the groceries, clean after myself and my son, help out with chores, and whatnot, so it's not like I'm free loading. It's more of like they're having trouble handling my son in the house, and having to support / tolerate a baby. Financially, they're ok with supporting with us, that's really not a problem, but its' more of emotional and mental trouble handling everything, I guess. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm currently separated from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and although he was a jerk (understatement, really) I still find myself missing him during the night. I don't know why, he wasn't very loving or affectionate.. It's just hard. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any tips for me? You're thinking of the semi-good times that kept you with him. Don't. It may be hard but in time you will learn to let go of him. Let go completely of the people who give you overall bad memories. Surround yourself with positive people, that's the only way to survive this feeling. That's my girl! Good advice, hun. You made the right choice with me Thank you. :) I will try harder, but also let myself grieve over him, even if he was a complete jerk. We're all young. When something like this happens, we think its over in some way, we can't move past it. I don't like to live in the past so much. We've all come across jerks, even women can be jerks. You were with him for a while so all this is still so new, its naturally to long for the good times. But what's great about starting over sometimes is the clean slate. You know what you want a little bit now and coming out of the other side, you learned to hold on to yourself in all of it. Its pretty amazing even though a piece of us dies, we don't. Its definitely all how we make of it. You're gonna think about him, hell I do that with certain people who meant a lot to me, you're gonna hold onto the positive image he gave you but he is not your life anymore. The better off you'll be the more you accept that. It's no joke that I am better off without him in my life. And you're right, I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Youre so right. Loss of a marriage will require a grieving process. It is a failure. I would have been content to simply blame my ex for it all, but that wouldnt have taught me anything. Instead, I recommend finding yourself in the mess. How/why did I allow this person to hurt me? Why was he a poor choice in a partner? What can I do to avoid a repeat of my mistake? etc. Lots of self awareness to be had. Make it a positive experience and learn all you can. Its so hard when there are kids, because you dont have as much freedom to just express anger over the partner. Respect for the kids means respecting their parent, in some way. Even if they are bad people in your eyes. Dont get me wrong. Hate him all you want, just dont show the kids that. Dont make excuses for yourself or the ex. That will teach them that its ok to be disrespectful if you have an excuse. no. Youre a role model and you will show your kids what a relationship should look like...whether you want to or not. Teach them that they deserve respect, and that they should respect the one they choose or leave. I've done some serious thinking... I've asked myself these things. I stayed and endured it for so long because I wanted to give my son the family I never had when I was a child. I wanted it so badly for him; I wanted his life to not be similar to mine at all. I would never wish my life unto anyone, not even someone I hated. My husband doesn't mourn, or feel. If he does he's really good at shutting it out and ignoring it. I often had to force him to show he loved me, and he was very reluctant. But I mean, I was his first kiss, his first girl friend, his first wife, and the first person to give him a child. You'd have to be a robot not to feel some sort of loss or depression over that, regardless if you've found someone or not. It has to be hard to even kiss another person, but that's just my view of things. :/ |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Sigh
|
|
So first of all, let me explain my situation. I was married to a man for four years, the first two years were amazing until we had a baby. He became controlling, mentally and physically abusive, and we ended things recently. He did not relinquish the apartment, any of the bank accounts or funds to me, so I was homeless and broke. I went to my mother's for a while but she was anything but supportive. I found someone to take me and my son in, and I moved in a month or so ago.
Now I know I have problems, and I'm a little depressed but I am getting therapy for that. I don't even really bring it up around my hosts unless I have to. Recently, their daughter (my friend) admitted to them that she felt like I was taking over her place in the family, and pretty much jealousy. She's been making snide remarks here and there, but she hasn't been that bad. I understand where she's coming from. But last night they lied to me. To my face. I'm starting to feel neglected and like I've outstayed my welcome. I've spoken with them about everything and they really want to help me, but they've said it's very stressful for them and that they felt like it was no longer their house, but mine. I only moved in because I had absolutely no where else to go. I am not taking over your house. You hide in your rooms all day. You exclude me from family events, after claiming I am apart of your family. I just really don't know what to do anymore.. At this point, if I am forced to leave... I will most likely ask my husband to take our son from me.. even though I don't want that happening... I can't even support myself.. My husband forced me not to work or go to school those four years. I'm really feeling worse..and worse... like I'm nothing but a burden.. I need help.. and I'm tired of being pushed away.. I can't stand on my own yet but I wish people would be a lot more supportive rather than selfish... I understand they want their normal lives back, but they could have said no. This hurts me so much, on top of my recent divorce. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Hello, I'm new~
|
|
Thank you!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm currently separated from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and although he was a jerk (understatement, really) I still find myself missing him during the night. I don't know why, he wasn't very loving or affectionate.. It's just hard. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any tips for me? You're thinking of the semi-good times that kept you with him. Don't. It may be hard but in time you will learn to let go of him. Let go completely of the people who give you overall bad memories. Surround yourself with positive people, that's the only way to survive this feeling. That's my girl! Good advice, hun. You made the right choice with me Thank you. :) I will try harder, but also let myself grieve over him, even if he was a complete jerk. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Hello, I'm new~
|
|
Welcome to mingle2! Thank you very much! Hehe. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Hello, I'm new~
|
|
I'm not very good at talking about myself so I will cut things short since I'm feeling sheepish, haha. So, another little lamb joins us. Don't worry. There's mutton to finding your way around here. At times it can be shear fun. I should warn you that the discussions can get wild and wooly. Soon ewe will have your writing chops up to speed. You might even make frequent posts on a discussion board, but try not to hogget. I hope that you will come baaaack often. Oh, this is for you:  Aww, thank you! I hope to post around the chats in order to meet people. :) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Pet names
|
|
I really could care less how the word is used, I just don't like it. Period! Ahhhh!!! It makes me feel like..you know... not myself. I think I have too much self respect for myself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Pet names
|
|
Hahaha, don't call me anything except for the name I was born with! xD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It started to get worse when our son was born (I love my child, but my husband changed in such a bad way). Why did I know that before you said it? I am only guessing, but I suspect that your son's father doesn't value marriage and parenthood as much as you do. In my case, the birth of my son made my marriage more satisfying. Then again, my wife and I had our lives built on a solid foundation, not on sand. amaeb22, my heart aches for you. Not as much as he valued his single life. He preferred video games, spending recklessly and technology over his son and I. My heart aches too, and it shouldn't, haha. I know I'm better off without him, and so is my son. |
|
|
|
|
Previous
