That is complete bullchit!

Direct and blunt is the only way you should be,

(with tact, of course)

then theres no guessing whats goin on!

My family tree's seed was planted in the soil (and soul) of Atlantis. Later, when the island nation sank, my forefathers came to America on the Titanic. They escaped on a lifeboat, and headed straight for the Bermuda triangle. Then my grandfather built the first-ever atomic bomb. (Not the one that was tested in the Arizona desert.) My grandmother, in her grief, crawled into a black hole, and nobody has ever heard of her again, save for hearing her faint pulsating gamma radiation. My father moved to seventh heaven, while my mom still lived on cloud nine. My brother invented potion no. 9. and my sista, chanel 7. Another sister invented Channel 7.

So goes the family fable. I am waiting for the third coming of Christ; I'm ahead of my time, coz everyone else still waits only for the second one.

In Skansenesic (a dialect of Burmbumba, spoken by forty-five million people in Anlonan-Purp, in the West side of Papua-New Guinea) the sun sets only if you sacrifice a human a day. Otherwise the sun stays hungry, and it don't like to go to sleep on an empty stomach.

Needless to say, my great-grand uncle was a missionary. That's how we know that a culinary trait runs in our family -- we make excellent ragu.

Hesus, I am really full of it tonight.

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...
______________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started...

If you didn't have to be embarassed about what people might say, what would be your best non-intimate date?

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