No I am not laughing. Mental health problems are not a laughing matter. And yes I know what those are.

Getting the right help isn’t easy but it can be done.

Sorry r2d2 but your comment is I’ll informed. Granted some psychiatrists have no idea how to treat trauma resulting from any kind of abuse. However, many well trained psychiatrists have learned there is a lot about the study of trauma and are either referring patients to the specialists who do know how to treat it or they are taking the courses or are attending the conferences and reading the books so they can intelligently work with the patient. Many are working in tandem with the counselor to make sure the treatment is truly beneficial to the patient/client.

If you get the one who only wants to medicate all your problems then most definitely get a second or third opinion until you find a therapist or a team that works WITH you. Never put up with any professional who doesn’t understand your issues.

I had one 19 yr old contact me, several in their 20s and 30s and a lot in their 40's I cannot imagine walking into my granddaughter's wedding with a child on my arm. Tacky

One guy said he wanted to teach me about sex. Huh? I was having babies before he was born!!! Seems us older gals are the "in" thing. Last guy I dated who was 10 years younger than me needed lessons on how to kiss. It was disgusting to have half my face slathered in spit. Did he never watch a man kiss a woman on TV?

I am at the point of believing that all the studio-type photos are the scammers using fake images.

And anyone who calls me dear or darling or anything like that annoys me to no end.

I’m here too. It might be nice to get to know you all and even meet as a group.

I think you just have to work harder to find the matches. They don’t do it for you.

No mater how often I set the age limit it keeps dropping and increasing it by 10 years either side. I’m not interested in men my daughter’s age. It is a real pain.

And Ontario is HUGE. Going out for coffee with someone from Cornwall is anissue never mind someone from Kitchener.

I Amin Ottawa and friends would’ve nice as long as it isn’t friends with benefits

I'm in Ottawa. Hi

Texas might be big but Ontario is bigger. Over 1.5% larger. The population however is a very different thing. Ontario has 12 million compared to Texas at 28 million.

That is just just twice as many people -- in a smaller space. You think they would find each other. Instead I have more men from Texas message me than anywhere else on the globe COMBINED no matter which site I use.

I don't get it. There is an international border and a couple of thousand miles. I know I don't have the money to travel back and forth just to meet someone. As a pensioner I can't sponsor anyone to immigrate. And I am certainly not willing to give up my medical benefits.

So I put in my profile the age range I am looking for, no long distance and no international. But that doesn't seem to stop them. I don't think they even bother to read the profile. But I know I sure do. Why should I waste someone's time? Or my time?

I have been to TX. Looks a lot like Ontario or Manitoba. I've been to Austin, Dallas, Houston and Galveston and a couple of other places. All very nice but terribly hot in the summer.

Oh my I have that one too and it too has become one of my specialties in my career. I could write a few books on these topics

Actionlynx
Your story is a perfect example how it should work. People really started talking about this in the early 1980s. The research had to play catch up because the silence that had preceded it had lasted for almost 100 years. But some amazing research has been done on all aspects of sexual abuse and there are a lot more therapists who understand the problem. Many colleges and universities now have courses and entire programs devoted to teaching therapists how to help abuse survivors. Times have changed a lot since I started working with survivors.

Thank you for sharing.

My advice when people are looking for a counselor is that you shop around. If you don’t feel understood or the therapist doesn’t know about the issues then look for another one. Interview them. And keep looking until you find some one you can work together with.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors who have a specialty in psychiatry - disorders of the mind. They look for illness. Some people are so disabled by the PTSD that is a result of the abuse that they need medications. Depression, and anxiety disorders are common among those who suffer and sometimes it is so bad that the person cannot even begin to deal with their issues. So for some people the right medication can go a long way to getting them to a point where they can do therapy.

Not all psychiatrists are pill pushers. I have had some refer clients to me because they knew there was only so much they could do.

The point is that IF you do need medication it be the right one, for the right reason, not addictive, and easy to come off of with your doctor's guidance when you don't need it anymore.

I recommend that before anyone starts therapy they have a physical with a GP or family doctor to rule out problems that might make counseling too difficult to handle. Trauma does nasty things to our bodies not just our minds. Those things need to be death with

"Thank you, MsLeeHM. I hope one day this problem will be solved so that children don't grow up carrying the mental scars that you, I and countless of other people are carrying because even if time heals all wounds, those wounds are there for life."

Sadly they are indeed there for life. But it is how we choose to deal with them that can make all the difference. My sister remained in denial and instead chose a life of alcohol and drugs until she finally succeeded in taking her life.

Fortunately for me I chose another path, of openness, of turning all those lemons into lemonade. For every scar I know I have helped others along their path. It doesn't make the scars disappear but it allows me to take something horrific and turn it into something wonderful.

Every time we speak out we reclaim a part of us that was taken, damaged and then forced to be hidden. Silence kills the spirit and sometimes the body. But it will not take me. :)

I am sorry this happened to you. Thank you for speaking out. You have been heard. I too was abused by both genders. Sadly it creates another layer of issues for the victim to deal with.

If children are given the freedom, information and safety they need, they will often report. Too often though children are warned not to talk or experience so much guilt and shame over the abuse that they never tell anyone until years later.

All the abuser wants is silence. All the victims want is to be heard and believed. One of my abusers who WAS reported to the police, later had a job as a school crossing guard!!! Most likely that was before registries that might have excluded him from that job. But that never should have happened. Canada needs an open sexual offender registry like many other countries.

A few years ago I was invited by a class of medical students to speak to them about child sexual abuse. They said that in their entire 8 years or more of training they had only 1/2 hour of training into the issue. They clearly realized that was not enough and did something about it.

Believe me all my fellow students in my programs knew all about child sexual abuse. Each one of them heard me make presentations about all aspects of the issue. At least I knew they had a good basic knowledge of the issue that victims have to face

Your comments are uninformed and misogynistic.. Force all women to have sex twice a month??? That is what I would call sexual slavery. Who would need prostitutes if any woman could be forced regardless of marital status, health, fatigue, lack of desire, or the god old headache. It wouldn’t even matter who the man would be. Just grab a woman and do your business.

And then you take it a step further by saying we should bring women into the country for the sole purpose of having sex.

I truly feel very sorry for any woman who dates you. I have lived with some of your “suggestions”. All they did was make me feel dirty, abused and good for only one thing. No one will ever treat me like that again. EVER

There are very clear definitions of sexual abuse, both legally and socially. That doesn’t mean everyone knows or understands them.

Older people most likely know when the line has been crossed. However, they are also most likely not willing to talk about it.

As for your guesses. ... well they are just guesses. What we do know for sure is that many perpetrators have a legally of age sexual partner. That does not stop them from abusing children.

Just like sexual assault isn’t about the sex the same is true of the sexual abuse of children. They want the power it takes to control another human being. Sex is the way the get it mixed in with a lot of fear.

Sexual abuse of children is often committed by a family member or someone close to the family. NOT strangers.

We know that within families incest is an intergenerational cycle with one generation passing the problem down to the next.

We also know that women who were abused often (NOT always) marry men who were either abused themselves or someone else in the family was abused.

Many mothers of victims were survivors themselves. They could not stop the abuse. Their mothers either didn't know or couldn't/wouldn't stop it.

Therefore it makes sense that family sticks together and marries into other families where there was also abuse. And that often creates the arena for more abuse into the next generation.

Silence keeps it going. As long as victims/survivors remain silent the abuse continues. I know one family that has well over 100 victims scattered over 5 generations. it is a perfect example of how the whole community seems to hide the secret while creating more victims.

BTW On average a male sexual offender, will have far more than 5-7 offences before he is caught. It is far closer to 50-70 offences before he is stopped. According to Cory Jewell Jensen co-director of the Center for Behavioral Intervention in Beaverton, Ore., “Most child sex offenders commit dozens of crimes before they are apprehended.” but that is one of the lowest numbers that I have researched.

I'm on my desktop with a 20inch screen. I still can't see it

And yes I know the difference between and ad and someone's full profile.

I have been using computers for the last 30+ years. And on the internet since BBs and dial up modems. I know what I am looking at

Nope not there. Not at the bottom either or anywhere else on the page

post a photo of a woman.

If they want THAT woman then why are they here?

I know I don't want THAT woman.

What happened to a reporting button?

I read the profiles. I took a lot of time considering what to put in my profile. I am looking for someone who also put a lot into his profile.

But what I get is 19, 23, 31, 40.... yrs old replying that they want to meet me. Clearly they didn't read the profile which says I don't want to be with a younger man and that he should live in my area. Some of these people who respond live in Australia, Sweden. Africa, and the USA plus all across Canada.

The scammers all say they will move near me. They will sacrifice their jobs and friends and the life they have now if only they could worship the ground I walk on. No kidding - that is what one said.

And all the younger men who want to climb into bed with an older woman he can spend the rest of his life with. Ummmm small problem. If she is 30 years older then the chances of her dying first are much higher. And I remind them if she is 80 and he is 50 there is a good chance she will be wearing Depends to bed at night. That generally stops them cold.

But really I am here to find someone special. Definitely not here to see how many men I could have in my bed.It is exhausting to keep blocking some of them because they did not read the profile