I have experienced extreme pain where I didn't want to be touched but that was under extreme conditions.

It has been a few years since I felt a loving touch.
I exist in a different type of pain now that I think would be soothed with a loving touch.

I used to think that way.
I guess I've been alone too long.

When I date a new woman I spend active time clearing my expectations.
Those expectations are not fair to either one of us.
I want to experience 'her' and my expectations make it all fuddled up.

In one of the Lethal Weapon films Leo Getz explains the Froggy story.
Basically what it meant to me was that even tho I have loved others a great deal I shouldn't look for those qualities in a new love.
I should see the new love as not better or less, but just different.

I dated a woman that was a relatively recent widow (4 years).
She was constantly refering to my individual show of affection as to how her late husband expressed his.
It was very disturbing.
Even when I did something she never experienced before her reaction was, well, "He" never did that. It was plain to me she could never love me for me. I would constantly be judged against her ... "spoiled" moments.

I think a lot of men do exhibit chivalry without even thinking about it but the OP seems to want a lap dog.

Y'know, there are times when love is not the reason.
Especially when dating someone new. Before it becomes love.

There are people that feel any special attention is being spoiled.
I have had a number of dates tell me I spoil them when all I am actually doing is showing them the attention the date implies.

For a lot of people just getting common respect is seen as being spoiled. Many live constantly being ridiculed, put down, walked on and even psychologically abused by the people in their lives. They feel like what matters to them doesn't matter and when you give them common respect and attention, they see it as being spoiled.

When that occurs on a date it is a big flag for me when they proclaim they love me because I spoil them. Its a twisted sense of love that will fail with time.

Being treated with normal respect is not being spoiled.
Being treated with special attention because you are important to me and your happiness is important to me is being loved, not spoiled.

Being spoiled is being given things that you do not deserve.
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

in most aspects of my life, i've tried my best to avoid
comparison of what was, with the present or what could be..
especially with a woman, every one of them is unique..

I've been in love with more than one woman, i'd be foolish
to say this one is better than that one or this one is
better than both of those two were...

i might compare that '63 chevy i had, with what i drive today,
but a woman of my past, with my woman now ? Never

Well, I've felt loved.
Considering I haven't felt loved in a long time I guess that could be considered being "Spoiled"?
Considering that I love deeply, I guess I spoil a lot of women.

If I love you and you come home tired and I slip your shoes off and rub your feet to make you feel better, you're not spoiled, you're loved.

Welcome to the sand pit Jan! Join us in the forums. This is the best to be! Oh yea I mispel alot!!!!!
;^)

That's really sweet. I think it's good when both work towards getting stuff done around the house, that way you have more time to relax together in the evenings.

I believe many of those things that were done for women in the "olden" days have gone. Mainly because women wanted equality.

But I still like to do certain things for a lady, it depends on the situation.

I was bought up to respect women and many of those things became second nature. I don't think courtesy goes out of style in any situation but it's becoming (already has I think) a selfish world now.

I think women get a raw deal in many countries. They maybe the weaker sex but they are still humans and should be able to make their own decisions.

Whoops.. someone kicked the soap box from under me..

I also feel men get the "cold shoulder" on many occasions as well. I mean some women can't say thank you either.

Thanks, I agree. Sounds like you had that with your late husband, that's really nice

During part of my childhood I was raised by one of my Aunts. It was a brief exposure of normalcy for me. She and my Uncle had a good marriage, both treated each other with respect, love, and were very nurturing to each other. They showed each other that they mattered and that their needs and desires were important. There was no belittling each other or hierarchy as far as who was more important in the relationship.

That's what I would like in a relationship. I don't need someone to spoil me in such a way that I don't have to do anything around the house, just being spoiled with love and affection would suit me fine.

Hi Jan I like to do the spoiling .. and punishing but I do appreciate any efforts a man makes for me and make sure he is rewarded appropriately

When we got married I made him give up one of his 2 full-time jobs.
He was a sheriff with LA County, he drove from there, after 8 hours,
to his other job as an installer for Western Electric..some people
seem to have so much more energy than the rest of us.

It is good to appreciate them.
I believe, like you,they are far and few between :-)

It was usually me doing the spoiling. Had I been spoiled, I wouldn't be single right now.

My fist husband was a real worker..I mean he LOVED
to work, morning, day and night.

He would say, 'What do you need tomorrow?'
I would make a long list.
When I got up the next day it would all be accomplished.
He did housework for something to do.
Ran all the errands to keep busy.
Mowed the grass high so he could do it twice.

27 years of that is hard to overcome.
Quite the blow to realize he could well have been the only man
on earth who liked doing those things.

I am coping :-)

I have high expectations, when it comes to being in a relationship.

Yes, I have been spoiled. First, I spoiled myself, then met a man who continued to spoil me, when . we got married.

However, my Ex spoiled All his women!

I find dates now, who would Not be right for a relationship.