A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, I don't remember eating that!

What do astronuts say for birthdays

1) MILK SHAKE!

2) FANNY PACK!




bring it on

A BANANA SPILTS!! LMAO

TIT BITS!! LMAO

[*img]http://fc98.deviantart.com/fs34/f/2008/311/9/f/Kuchisake_Onna_21_by_Alzheimer13.jpg[*/img]

Kuchisake Onna ((口裂け女, Split-mouthed woman)

kuchisake onna was a vain woman married to a samurai (in some accounts, a ninja) who distrusted her. Believing she was cheating on him, he slices her mouth open at the sides--splitting her face open from ear to ear. She wanders, hiding her mouth behind a fan, the sleeve of a kimono, a stole, or the surgical-style masks now worn in cold and allergy seasons in Japan. She asks someone "watashi, kirei?" (Do you think I'm beautiful?). The answer is usually a resounding "yes"; due to her otherworldly beauty, but then she exposes her face and repeats the question; her otherworldly beauty giving way to otherworldly horror. If the person says or does anything besides saying "yes", she pursues him with a kama (sickle) or knife and replies "I want to do for you what has been done
to me". She can't be outrun, and eventually slices her victim's mouth open ear to ear. Women killed in this fashion return as kuchisake onna themselves.

In some accounts she is said to run lightning fast, in others she 'floats' (due to a famous ukiyo-e artist in the Edo period always painting ghosts with no feet, it was generally regarded by many Japanese that all ghosts had no feet--nothing to truly link them to the material world).

She has appeared in picture scrolls of yokai and demons as early as the Edo period
She was eventually forgotten as the Japanese entered the modern age and built a war machine, and then recovered to form an economic giant, but kuchisake onna returned with a vengeance in late 1979. In late 1979 and even into the early 80s, there were many sightings of kuchisake onna. The urban legend probably grew from an actual attack against a child.

During the seventies, the urban legend went that if the victim answers "You're average" they are saved. When the urban legend was revived around 2000, the answer that would save you was changed to "so-so" with the change that this answer causes the kuchisake-onna to think about what to do, and her victim can escape while she is in thought. Another way to escape while the Kuchisake-Onna is distracted is to throw candy or other sweets at her. One other way is to ask her if you are pretty. She will get confused and leave.

The kuchisake onna from the 70s and 80s attack only children, and they attack regardless of whether the answer to her second question is 'yes' and if you say no she will kill you chopping your head off.

Parts of this story have been taken from wikipedia

thats funny but no

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
And if it bursts in a man's underwear? What would you get?

interesting lolol

that is soooo not fair lolol

umm because 1 + 6 = 7?

-If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
-Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
-What do chickens think we taste like?
-What do you call a male ladybug?
-What hair colour do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
-When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
-Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
-Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
-Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

WIND?? lol

LMAO!! nice lol!

smash the mirror with the table. There must have been a secret passage covered by the mirror

Nope nope:) AGE lol

umm TIME!!! its got to be it

Christmas Cookie Ingredients

1 cup water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Absolute vodka

Sample the Absolute to check quality. Take a large bowl. Check the
Absolute again, to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level
cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup butter in a
large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar, beat again. At this
point it's best to make sure the Absolute is still OK, try another cup,
just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy, break 2 leggs and add to the bowl
and chuck in 1 cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off
floor... mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Absolut to
check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who
giveshz a sheet. Check the Absolute. Now shift the lemon juice and
strain your nuts. Add 1 table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees
and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Absolute and
make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher. CHERRY MISTMAS!!!!!!

"midori" and "ai no uta" by GReeeeN

welcome:D there's a lot of nice people here. hope you get what you want:)