God.. It was hillarious

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started
feeling ill. Mommy, she said. Can we leave now?
No, her mother replied.
Well, I think I have to throw up!
Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up
behind a bush. In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
Did you throw up? her mother asked.
Yes, the little girl replied.
Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and
return so quickly?
I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. the little girl replied.
They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream
on her face.
Why do you do that, Mommy?
To make myself beautiful, said his mother, who then began removing
the cream with a tissue.
What's the matter? asked Little Johnny. Giving up?

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could.
'God,' he prayed, 'I really want a car.'
Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.
'God,' he prayed again, 'I really NEED a car.'
Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his
parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the
mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of
tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom
of his closet.
'Okay, God,' he said, getting down onto his knees again, 'if you ever want
to see your mother again...'

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders
mating. Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?
They're mating, Lucy he replied.
What do you call the spider on top Daddy? Lucy asked.
Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs.
Lucy asked, Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a
Mommy Longlegs?
Daddy replied, No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!

When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher asked all
the children to give their first name. When she got to the
little boy in the second row, he said: I'll give you a
hint. First it's in your hand, then it's in your mouth,
and then it's in your tummy.
The teacher smiled and said: OK, Dick, sit down.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?

Little Johnny quickly replied, NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, My father's dead, Miss. Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died? He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed.

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife
made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was
ransacking an adjoining room.

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to
say, I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there.

No, said the doctor calmly, He'll be quiet when he gets to
the poisons.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It
was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, What's so funny Pat?

Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.

Get out of my classroom, she yells, I don't want to see you for three days.

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even
louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, What's so funny
Billy?

Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.

Again she yells, Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe,
I don't want to see you for three weeks.

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So
she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.

Where do you think you are going? she asks.

Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the
middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern
and said, Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing.

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

Whoa there Scotty! said the doctor. Don't be in a rush to put the
lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come.

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,
lad...It seems there's yet another one besides! cried the doctor.

The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. Do
ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?

Welcome to all new friends
kampai! this is for you

Hello:D welcome to all new friends. I hope we can be buddies:D

i look like this. who wants to kiss me? lololol

daisuke88, the next time you that, please don't pass out on my front lawn. It's difficult for me to mow around you.


then you better give me your house key lol its cold out here *sniff*

hey! what do you mean by that lol

-If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
-If you are in a jet that goes faster than sound, what happens if you speak?
-Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
-Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
-Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
-If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
-If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
-If you throw a cat out of the house, does it become kitty litter?
-If aspirins are always "Take Two," why not increase the size of ONE?
-why don't they make mice flavoured cat food?

Oh ho ho~ so thats why fish are smarter than humans now. And they're go to school too! Lmao!

ewww~ how bout poop flavoured dog food

MY PIANO

MY DRUM SET

MY MOBILE

THESE ARE MY BABIES!! I CANT LIVE WITHOUT THEM LMAO