689

And some guys wonder where all the real women are...

I don't think it's primal instincts at all. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dogs.

The vast majority of us in the U.S. have been raised to think that the man should be the proactive one, not the woman.

Meanwhile, the woman was raised to play "hard to get" to ensure that the man was sincere, and not some creep or mound of anger.

Then along comes feminism, challenging what we were taught about gender roles.

It creates some confusion, mostly among the men because of the radicals who constantly man-bash.

We are fed an awful lot of B.S. in our lives. Just look at the prank Payless Shoes just pulled. Those people who bought the shoes at outrageous prices without doing their homework were just following their conditioning as fashionistas.

Watch how many people now fail to stop for STOP signs. We know it's wrong not to stop, but we roll through the sign anyway, right? The first several times we do it, we feel odd about it. Guilty, even. But then we get over it. It becomes second nature.

It's all how we are conditioned by the B.S. we are constantly bombarded with. Eventually we accept the B.S. because we want to blend in. We do it to protect ourselves, even if it's not logical. So when we break from that conditioning, step out from the crowd again, we feel exposed and vulnerable, suddenly outside of the safety of our comfort zone.

The problem is that you can't get noticed when you're huddling inside the crowd. You have to make yourself stand out. You have to separate yourself from the crowd so you can be seen.

The risk that comes with that is that some people may be harsh or negative. That's normal. It's not just in dating. It's in everything. It's why we want to blend in with the crowd in the first place, whether it's driving a car, shopping for clothes, or our job at work.

So it's all just mental conditioning. Nothing primal about it.

Hopefully EyeAm will correct me if I'm wrong...

And since you're new Eirik, I'd like to get you in the loop...

If my memory is correct, EyeAm isn't originally from the U.S. He's a transplant from Europe....~I think Germany?~

I'd have to go back to dig through old posts to verify, but I'm somewhat certain he mentioned something along those lines. Reason being, I honestly thought he was from the U.S. too until he mentioned otherwise.

Anyway, depending on his experiences overseas, the current situation might be something entirely new to him. With race being such a hot topic over here these days, it's wise to be cautious when encountering bonafide racists.

Other than that, I agree, Eirik. That's why I warned him against having the relationship become all about race.

679

Wha-? You want to see me under that rock too???

I do the research too. It's what I was trained to do as a History major.

And honestly, you're relying on bad sources.

For instance, your info regarding natural born citizenship is completely false. Try going straight to the source, as in Federal LAW. I did. I checked all the changed in citizenship laws from around 1950 to about 1970. It's online. You can look it up yourself.

I did my own digging on Obama, going straight to the source. I went through the archives of the local newspapers myself. I found his birth announcement. I didn't go through any investigative website or read a bunch of hearsay nonsense. I went straight to the local newspapers and viewed their microfilm and microfiche.

Obama meets 2 different criteria for citizenship by birth alone. Either one of those criteria is enough to make him a natural born citizen.

#1 - His mother was a U.S. citizen.
#2 - He was born on U.S. soil.

The only other stipulation - which was repealed prior to Obama's birth - is that the father must have spent at least some time in residence in the U.S.

But according to citizenship law, regardless of birth certificate authenticity, Obama is a natural born citizen just by virtue of his mother, regardless of where his birth took place.

So all the claims about him not being a natural born citizen is a farce, and always has been.

I've already admitted that I'm a glutton for punishment....many times.

Just check my history in the Guys vs. Girls thread.

678

I found a rock to hide under, just in case.

678

Uh-oh. The cavalry has arrived! Where's my backup?

We'll combat Dub's Kinks with George Michael singing Last Christmas on infinite loop.

678

And don't try to distract me with those beautiful eyes and smile.

Have you considered that the problem is not you?

We live in a society that constantly craves instant gratification. LDRs don't provide that. They require patience and maturity instead.

If lack of trust is the top reason why LDRs fail, then impatience runs a close second. Most people want someone NOW. They may not be pursuing sex, but they might be desiring companionship or an activity partner. Those are two things you don't get immediately with an LDR, and might only get occasionally (if at all) during the length of the LDR.

Let's face it: loneliness sucks. Most people want to end it as quickly as possible.

What they don't realize is that with the right tact, an LDR can be very rewarding. In fact, it can make that feeling of loneliness disappear. There are ways to feel closer to a person than distance actually allows. That's why my ex and I talked everyday, even if it was only for 15 minutes. Sometimes we would call each other at wake up time. Other times we would call at bedtime. There was no set time of the day for talking. Yet little things like that made a real difference. I even filmed a snowstorm, and sent it to her so her daughter could watch the snow falling. We exchanged A LOT of photos, which enabled us to share with each other snippets of our daily lives, like when I would go hiking and decide to climb the rocks. I sent her pictures of the rocks and the caves that once were used by the indigenous peoples in my area.

When it comes right down to it, most people do not know how to handle an LDR. It requires a lot of give and take on top of everything else.

My ex is a very special person. She always will be. But an LDR requires 2 very special people just to work. Otherwise, only one person will be doing all the work. Without reciprocation and matching effort, trust will begin eroding, dooming the LDR to failure.

Ooo, we could set up some amplifiers so the whole neighborhood hears, and wonders wth is going on at Dub's!

678

I'm going to sneak up, pick the lock, and open Dub's door just so he hears the caroling anyway.

678

Sometimes when I post often in a thread, I'll avoid it for awhile to give someone else a chance to join in. Thus it may at times appear as if I'm ignoring someone's response when in fact that is not the case. I just don't want to hog the thread for more than a few posts at a time.

666

Uh oh, watch out. I got the number of the beast.

MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

With my last girlfriend, she didn't even live in the U.S. when we began talking. However, her mother lived just 100 miles away from me. Her mom had been pressuring her to move here, but she was resisting for various reasons. Once she got to know me though, she began changing her mind. Eventually she moved to be with her mom until she could get herself established.

Keep in mind though, she approached me first. Also, she made the move with her own money. I didn't pay for her. She wanted it that way. It was about trust. She was proving herself worthy of it.


I briefly had met another woman from outside the U.S. However, her job was such that she could move here pretty much whenever she wanted to. She was from the Philippines, but had worked in Japan and a few other countries. At that time, she was working in Israel. We did video chat on a regular basis. And again, she was the one who approached me first.


Because of forum rules, I really can't go into specific details. That would be not just disrespectful but a violation of their privacy.


I don't see the problem being one of initiating conversation. It's more about testing genuine sincerity and proving trust to each other. If both people are honest, genuine, sincere, and trustworthy, then they will find a way to be together without having to ask the other for any assistance. Therefore, the problem is really one of trust -- which I've mentioned elsewhere is the key component to a healthy LDR.

Call Queenie to come lick his nose.

Sorry, I'm all out of cats to distract him with.