I think everyone is being hasty with their condemnation of the girl. There is really very little backgound given, so jumping to any conclusions is a bit premature. Also, your relationship with this woman is in very early days. The fact that she's weighing her long term relationship against a very new one, shows she's capable of loyalty to someone she's invested in. Not an entirely bad quality.

I think she deserves credit for trying to be honest.

Now, here's the part you won't want to hear.

I have to wonder how much she's into you if she doesn't mind using you as a friend to tell her problems to...about her real relationship. That said, sometimes empathetic friendships turn into something more substantial.....later.

If you are comfortable being repositioned in the "friend role" until she figures things out, there is no reason to completely abandon her. Things might change, and she might be much more emotionally available once she sorts things out. However, that can be a time consuming process.

You should leave your options open with other people who, like you, are READY for a new relationship. You should put your romantic interest in her aside until she shows more of an ability to make you a priority.

However, there's nothing at all wrong with remaining friends. You never know if you both might be at a more compatible place in the future.

But don't hold up your life for this. And don't expect more than she's able/willing to give. You'll be disappointed. Even if she suddenly picked you over him tomorrow, it would be wise to give it a cooling off period before resuming a romantic relationship with her, she's too emotionally scattered right now.

Ok, who else has this problem? My husband died three years ago, I'm 61 and he was ten years my senior. My kids keep pushing me to have a social life, and I'm at a point where I'd like to have one too, but I don't know where the hell to find one.

I'm not that great at this computer thing, but I'd really like to make some friends and talk to someone other than my cat, so maybe it's a good idea? The grandkids are great, but how many times can you hear your grandkids talk about "Manga" and "Nintendo DS" without losing it a little bit? I don't even know what those things are or WHY these children are so into them. Totally foreign to my experience.

I tried doing the advertised mixers and activities at the "Senior Center" here. What a mistake, it's like the land of Zombies. I was the only single to show up at a "mixer dance", and the woman who was in charge of it handed everyone a handout with "hygiene suggestions to be courteous of your partner" as in...ie: make sure to bathe and wear deodorant! I was in total hell and ended up spending time with an engaged couple my kid's age before I snuck out. I went to a "game night" and there were old women who were honest to God stringing dried potatoes on dental floss. Why???


My sister came down one weekend and took me to a kinda sleazy local bar. Noisy, smelly, and getting hit on by alcoholics who are cheating on their wives is really not my idea of a good time. Some of these guys didn't get the hygiene handout. Was just another nightmare.

Where do I meet NICE men who are 55-65? I'm not old enough to be a zombie threading potatos yet! And the whole bar thing doesn't really appeal to me. For that matter, a girlfriend would be nice too. (I'm not gay, I just mean, I'd like to find other women my age to hang out with as well)

Where do people make friends my age?