I always wondered about the clean underwear thing..I mean, if im in a bad enough accident that a stranger is going to see my underwear, I seriously doubt they'll be clean any more.

18. You've ever had to yell "Hey, you kids stop playin with that sheet metal!"

19. Your neighborhood has ever been evacuated due to rust poisoning

A drunk was stumbling around the parking lot after the bar had closed one night, clothes disheveled, car keys in hand, looking bewildered. A police officer pulls up next to the man and says, "Having trouble sir?"

The drunk replies, "Yesssir, ossifer, I can't find my car!". The cop says, "Where did you see it last?", the drunk says, "well, it was riight here at the end of thish key". The cop shakes his head sadly and says, "Sir, do you know that your fly is unzipped?" The drunk looks down and says "Oh no, I can't find my wife either!"

Exotic Exoskeleton Exhibits?

Nothing

I'd say drop him like a hot potato. If he can't think of nice things to say, he shouldn't say anything.

There once was a Senator from Mass.,
Who went out in search of some grass,
he lucked up and found it,
then messed up, he drownded,
and that was the end of his a$$.

Roger was a chemist's son,
But now Roger is no more.
Not in the know,
sipped some H20,
but it was actually H2S04.

I think Douglas Adams said it best -

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."

A snake

A young man was discussing meeting his girlfriend's family for the first time. He was apprehensive, as she had told him on several occasions how strict and tempermental her father could be. To coerce him, she said that if he would agree to have dinner with her and her family, afterwards, she would have sex with him for the first time. As this would his first time ever, he quickly agreed, thinking one dinner wouldn't be so bad.

The day of the dinner in question, the young man stopped by his local pharmacy to buy condoms. After looking at the rack for 10 minutes without being able to make up his mind, the pharmacist walks up and asks if he can help. "Well, I'm going to have sex tonight for the first time, and i'm not sure what to buy." The pharmacist lists off the pros and cons of the different brands, and together they select the right type. Then the pharmacist says "how many do you think you'll need?" The young man, being hopeful, says "Well, i'd better get the biggest pack I can, I hope to make the most of this." So, he makes his purchase and leaves for his girlfriend's home.

Later, they are all sitting at the table, waiting for the girlfriend's father to come in from work so they can start dinner. Her father walks in, and takes his place at the head of the table, and the young man quickly offers to say grace. He lowers his head in silent prayer for 30 seconds..then a minute..five minutes...After keeping his head bowed, for ten minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers quietly "I had no idea you were so religious!" To which the young man responds, "And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

Chuck Norris has to sleep with a light on, not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.

On the set of Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck once brought a stillborn lamb back to life with a vigorous beard rub. Ten minutes later, he killed it with a roundhouse kick, to prove, once again, that the good Chuck giveth, and he taketh away.

In the 70's, a movie was filmed in which Bruce Lee beat up Chuck Norris. To this day, this is the most expensive special effect ever filmed.

At any given moment, Chuck Norris knows the EXACT location of Waldo.

Chuck lost his virginity before his father did.

A dog is man's best friend, diamonds are a girl's best friend..I think the guys won out on this one, diamonds can't lick your face to wake you up when there's a fire

A whale, just so I could have a 6 foot tongue and breathe through the top of my head

I go for the Thorogood trilogy to start out my night. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer

hey hey, not ALL PA people don't get out much, I knew what they were, & didn't even have to consult the wiki

Adam's first words to Eve - "You'd better stand back, i'm not sure how big this thing's gonna get!"

Don't forget Cliff Burton, may he rest in peace

A mother and her 3 year old son were flying across country. The child, being at that wonderful age, had a question about everything. All through the flight, he was asking his mom things like "Why are the clouds so fluffy looking?" "Why don't we fall down?" "How fast are we going?" "Why is the sky so blue?" and so forth. Finally about 4 hours into the flight, he says, "Mommy, why are there no baby airplanes?"

His mother, frustrated with the questioning at this point, decides to get a few moments peace by passing the question off. "Ask the flight attendant when she comes by. She knows everything about airplanes." So, the boy waits expectantly for the flight attendant to pass.

When she does, he tugs at her sleeve and says, "Why are there no baby airplanes?". The flight attendant, confused for a moment, says, "What do you mean?". The boy replies "Well, I've seen baby elephants, baby dogs, baby cats, even baby people, but I've never seen a baby airplane." The flight attendant looks at the boy and his mother, and says, "Did your mommy tell you ask me that?" The boy smiles and nods.

The flight attendant says, "Well, the reason you never see a baby airplane is because you're flying Delta, and here at Delta, we always pride ourselves on pulling out on time. If you have any more questions, just ask your mom"

I am personally for euthanasia in cases of incurable illness. If a person has nothing left to look forward to except a long drawn out painful death, they should be allowed to chose to end things on their own terms. If I knew that I had an incurable condition that was only going to deteriorate, leading to lengthy hospital stays and pain, I would rather take a short amount of time to get my affairs in order, say goodbye to my family and friends on my own terms, and end it quickly, so that those around me wouldn't have to watch me suffer.

Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?