My imaginary girlfriend. Of course she was cheating on me with another imaginary friend. But that's ok. She wouldn't put out anyway.

Night owl as well

Sorry if some of these were posted before


Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Well after having my girlfriend cheat on me I think it's time to move on...

What do you all think of me?

When Frank was a toddler his parents noticed his unusual interest in tractors. They bought him toy tractors for his birthday which he'd play with constantly.
For his fifth birthday they bought him a pedal-powered miniature tractor. Little Frank was over the moon! He'd ride around the garden all day pretending to be a farmer. He became so attatched to his tractor that he refused to walk to playschool, instead preferring to ride in his tractor.

As Frank grew older his interest became an obsession. He just couldn't get enough of tractors. As a teen he volunteered to help out at the local farm, refusing any pay, his reward, he said, was simply being able to drive a real-life tractor.

When he moved out of his parent's house and into his own home he decorated his rooms with tractor wallpaper, tractor curtains; he hung framed pictures of his favourite tractors on the walls.

His girlfriend Jane put up with his obsession for only so long. When Frank asked her to marry him she made him choose, "it's me or the tractors" she said. Deciding it was time to grow up and be a man, Frank chose his love for Jane over his passion for tractors.

Down came the tractor wallpaper, down came the pictures, the curtains. Jane was very pleased with Frank's commitment to her and took him out to the pub to celebrate.

Inside the pub the air was so filled with cigarette smoke that Frank and Jane could barely breathe! Suddenly, Frank took a mighty breath, inhaling all the smoke from the atmosphere and walked outside whereupon he blew it all out. When he returned, the landlord, awed, asked him "How the bloody hell did you do THAT?!"

"Easy," replied Frank, "I'm an ex-tractor fan"

Yeah that one is good. Hell I will watch just about any movie with Zombies. Can't wait to see what those guys have coming out this summer!!

I have always wanted to be a zombie in a movie and eat someones brains.

i am neither

Never had anyone cheat on me. But I don't think I would stick around. And I would never want someone that has done that.

You know it, girly

That's nice Blueeyedbarbie. I go to your post and view your profile and now I'm a stalker. Nice! I think your head is too big and you're too high on yourself. Come back to reality, you're not all that hot and to be on a dating site and call people who view your profile a stalker, well, that's F****d up.

Chicks dig the squirrel

Send them to me....rarely gets e-mail