wow thats some research gardenforge .....

but i guess ur snopes got it wrong ...
it dint happen in the jaw ..it was the tongue ...scary ..

wow ...thats a lotta snow ....if the plow is out ...damn

stop makin us feel bad misty ....lol



i want snow ...

so waz the best u can do in a snowed in situation like this .....


thaz right .....

hey pple .... happy skiing .....

where r my blades ????

and my pipe ....lol

that means u gonna send me a virus in the email !!!!!!!!!!!!

damn cold is a virus right ...and u catch cold frm snow ....

snow is good as long as u dont catch a cold and fall

i like snow

well ...i dont know about that ..but sure as hell i aint gonna lick no envelopes again

damn ...wot about a giant rat ...or an invasion of roaches .....
thats gonna b a nightmare ...aint it gonna b

think i will go in the moist sponge business....

jus a small word of caution from ur friendly neighbourhood maxhart

i seriously still cant undersstand how women can be afraid of mice and cockroaches ... when they can make the bravest of mens heart quiver with fear ....and can go thru the torturous process of waxing their own legs ....ouch ..

If you lick your envelopes...You won't anymore!!!!

A woman was working in a post office in California, one day she licked the envelopes and postage stamps instead of using a sponge. That very day
the lady cut her tongue on the envelope.

A week later, she noticed an abnormal swelling of her tongue.

She went to the doctor, and they found nothing wrong. Her tongue was not sore or anything.

A couple of days later, her tongue started to swell more, and it began to get really sore, so sore, that she could not eat.

She went back to the hospital, and demanded something be done.

The doctor, took an x-ray of her tongue, and noticed a lump. He prepared her for minor surgery. When the doctor cut her tongue open, a live roach crawled out.

There were roach eggs on the seal of the envelope. The egg was able to hatch inside of her tongue, because of her saliva. It was warm and moist.

This is a true story reported on CNN.

Andy Hume wrote: "Hey, I used to work in an envelope factory. You wouldn't believe the..... things that float around in those gum applicator trays. I
haven't licked an envelope for years."

and the cream of the joke is ...its all true .....

Ms. C. Crooke

Staff Incompetence Manager

The Office of Non-Compliance



Re: Resignation Letter





Dear Ms. Crooke,



Let me first start by saying, I have always admired how your professional demeanor in the office ironically correlates with your surname. Being said, I would have given you 2 weeks resignation notice. However, I have watched you over the years immediately terminate employees after they give you their dutiful 2 weeks resignation notice. Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to present this resignation letter to you effective immediately.



You have always said I should be more proactive and take more initiative, so I'm sure you won't mind me taking this initiative and beating you to the punch. How I see it, I'm saving you the trouble of thinking up of some devious accusation to terminate my employment and tarnishing my good name in this unethical corporate world. Now, I don't expect you to care about my well being because you don't even care about your own children or your husband. That's why you spend most of your time in your office after hours pretending to do the company's work.



By the way, I just know after you read the first paragraph, your little evil micro-managing calculating brain had already thought up of a devious plan to spite me with. Keep in mind, I don't need you at this point for a letter of recommendation. Your secretary, who is seeing your husband behind your back has already taken care of that for me. You should have paid more attention to all the documents your secretary made you sign in the past week. Your husband filed for divorce weeks ago unknown to you and your secretary made you sign your divorce papers. She also made you sign over all your rights to your house, children, money and other assets. Well, I bid you farewell and I hope you found this letter as amusing as everyone else in the office did.





Sincerely,

...On to a better tomorrow



Cc: The entire office staff.

Once in a medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "weapon". The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon...he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played appropriate music.

After several more knights tried to prove their superiority...the King finally spoke out. "I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played "God Save the Queen."

A man went to have plastic surgery on his penis.
The surgeon examined him and asked, "What happened?"

"Well, doc, I live in a trailer camp," the man explained, "And from where I am I can see this lovely chick next door. She's blonde and built like a brick ****house. She's so horny that every night I see her take a hot dog from the refrigerator and stick it in a hole in the floor of her trailer. Then she gets down and masturbates herself on the hot dog."

"And?" prompted the doctor.

"Well, I felt this was a lot of wasted *****, so one day I got under the trailer and when she put the hot dog in the hole, I removed it and substituted my ****."

"It was a great idea and everything was going well. Then someone knocked at the door, she jumped off my hot dog and tried to kick it under the stove."

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off
his
clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by
him
and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his
erection,
comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob
replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me

explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you

called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays
down
on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way
with
her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down,
and
farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a

firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says:
"Sir,
did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man:

"You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you
called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him
over
the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked

receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key
back.
You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only
been
here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our
facilities....."Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a
hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

turn to perhaps a child bearing man .......yuck???

wheres my shotgun ..i gotta shoot myslf

hmmmmmm interesting thought ...

wonder wot u wud turn to ....lol

kiddin again .......am i ?????