LOVE......................when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST.......................when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE............when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE......................when intercourse is called making love.
LUST.......................all other times.
MARRIAGE............what's intercourse?

LOVE......................when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST.......................when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE............when you argue over money.

LOVE......................when you share everything you own.
LUST.......................when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE............when the bank owns everything.

LOVE......................when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST.......................when the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE............what's a climax?

LOVE......................when you phone each other just to say "G'day".
LUST.......................when you phone each other just to organize sex.
MARRIAGE............when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE......................when you write poems about your partner.
LUST.......................when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE............when all you write is checks.

LOVE......................when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST.......................when you couldn't give a ****.
MARRIAGE............when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE......................when your farewell is "I love you darling ..."
LUST.......................when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE............when your farewell is silent.

LOVE......................when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST.......................when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE............when you never see each other awake.

LOVE......................when your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST.......................when your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE............when your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE......................when nobody else matters.
LUST.......................when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE............when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE......................when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST.......................when it's just the same mushy old ****.
MARRIAGE............when you never listen to music.

LOVE......................when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST.......................when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE............when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE......................when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST.......................when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE............when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

****************************************************************

get it ..........??

lousy >> wousy ??
weighed >> laid

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Tarzan check for bees!"

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price ... and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye ... I do too ... "

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?

major screw uo in vista ...i wud say would be 2 install device drivers.......
the damn driver signing option doesnt let u install unsigned drivers.......and the worst part is there aint no option(atleast I cant find none) to turn off driver signing verification ......

most of the device drivers are not digitally signed .....so ...tell me ....whats a pc ..without peripherals....lol

yep ....yep .....so tru ...

spring ......the birds crapping on our heads ......

the bees...stinging our ar*e.....

so tru

I DUNNO actually ...lol

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants.
The Bartender asks, "whats with the wheel?"
The pirate says, "Ar! It drives me nuts!"

Sixth grade science teacher Mr. Sampson asks his class: "Who can tell me
which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way.

"Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times
its usual size when stimulated?"

Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question?
I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal,
who will have you fired!"

Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asked the class
the question again and this time Sam raised his hand. "Yes, Sam?"

"Mr. Sampson, Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."

"Very good, Sam. Thank you."

Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have three things to
tell you:

First, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a
dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly
disappointed."

voip is not supported by hp faxes ,,,,,,

they are designed for analog lines ....and the frequency/bandwidth doesnt match .....
u can try the following steps...
if u hav a splitter...take it off ...and set the rings 2 answer as 6 or 7 ......
keep the ecm and the auto reduction off......

u can call up the fax no. and see if ur getting a cng pattern ring or not (the fax tone ,which varies from the normal phone ring)

resets will not help here

try the root account from the command prompt while boot up ...

im up ....im up ......


damn ...cant evn let a man pass out in peace ..lol

oops ...sorry ...i think i passed out for a while .....


grrrrr ...2 much beer .....say what !!!!!


where is my caffiene ...i need 2 stay awake 2day

ok ....line up the glasses ...here comes the champagne .....and ahhhh ...there comes the dancing hippos ....

ps: i rather stick with beer ...lol..

a bud with buds .....

he he he

thanx mom .......

ur the best ,.......

thanx Colette ...for making this a memorable day ......

well ...ummm ...damn .......ok ... hippos are like good dancers .....i heard ...so i was kinna wondering if we cud arrange for some hippos ...lol......

if we cant ..then i can live with dancing girls.....no problems ....

lol

ha ha ha ha

dancing girls ....huh .......

well.....how about dancing hippos ....the cost less ...and make us laugh more ......

i am 24 .......but i feel like a hundred ......

oops ..im sorry ...that was the beer talking ....not me ......

love u colette ........




now who wants cake .........i hav strawberry and chocolate .....

the last time ...on mistys bday ...someone did a jig on a cake ...damn .....thats something ...