LOL... check out this post under love and relationships: "hello girls this is your lucky day." It totally reiterates what I said before about first impressions!

So, peacepuppy, did you get anything out of this? I saw some other really good support for you around the ex too.

Right on, I can respect that!

Thanks guys!

I agree, nature can be cruel, lol. But it is what it is! Have you ever compared male and female peacocks? The male is so beautiful and his sounds are almost soothing. Then you look at the ugly gray female with the loud squawking... ugh.

Yes, and look at what has happened to marriage since the 70s. 50% divorce rate? Don't get me wrong, women's lib helped in a lot of ways. It also did a lot of damage. It masculinized women to the point that now we feminize our men. We turn them into our girlfriend. We lure them in with "Oh, yes, I just ADORE sex" until they marry us and... oops, just kidding! Why not just be honest up front. When I have sex, it is not good to me unless I'm in love with you. I am not satisfied unless I trust you. We walk around thinking that not only are we equal to men (yes we are), but that we are the same as men. Then we wonder why divorce rates are so high, so many children are growing up lost without two parents to show them what a healthy relationship looks like.

Ok, but where did that "horniness" come from? Unemotional sex provides about the same benfits as a night with a vibrator. What makes you turn to a man for that gratification? I think too many women today lie to themselves and to men about their need and desire for sex. Men WANT to hear that we like it as much as they do. Men have a built in carnal need to spread the seed that women just aren't equipped with. Can you really say that there was NO emotion in the sex? If the answer is yes then 1) didn't you feel icky and unfulfilled? and 2) can you honestly say it was any good? Now really, be honest with yourself.

Yes, women can be very good in bed. It does not mean we are as "sexual" as men. That is a very misguided belief that many men hold. Sex for men is really about biological need, a natural impulse, physicality. For women it's not so much the act of sex that is appealing (while enjoyable it tends to be sweaty and a lot of work which is why it's also the first thing to leave most marriages!). What women get out of it is more emotional... belonging, intimacy, acceptance, the feeling of being wanted and desired. Those feeling MUST be present for a woman to want or enjoy sex. If any woman says differently, they are LYING! If you come right off the bat with the sexuality without first building the others, it's a sure way to chase off anything but a one-night stand or an addictive (rather than committed) relationship. Keep the pic though if you'd like... it's not a bad one. You look handsome. I can only speak of my first impressions of what you might be looking for. I'm not the type to sell someone out. If you want honesty, I'm your gal. If you want smoke up your a**, I won't comment any further.

I wrote this 3 years ago... just titled it tonight:


Not a whisper of love has he uttered
Not a bitter word of hate
She lays in limbo night after night
Pondering their fate

And the gods of time and dreams and truth
Wrestle demons of mistrust
While the saints of love and loyalty
Give in to those of lust

He knows in his heart what he holds in his hand
The choice is his to make
But the faster he flies and the farther he falls
The easier it is to break

Wild souls never stay in one place
Can never be kept nor caged
With tearful eyes and aching heart
Another battle is waged

Wow, this topic got a little heated. I think what was meant about the pic is that a different one maybe more suiting for you. I know I tend to shy away from profiles where men are topless, naked, laying in bed, etc. because it says to me "here to have a good time, hit it and quit it, cause that's how I roll." If that's what you're looking for, by all means keep the pic because there are certainly plenty of women who will go for it. If you're looking for something a little more long-term, classy, or with potential, a photo of you smiling at the camera, hugging a tree or kissing a baby might better accomplish that.

So here is my understanding of love. Men and women see love totally different. For a woman to love a man means that she accepts him entirely... who he is, who he's not, AND who he'll never be. For a man to love a woman means that he takes care of her, not necessarily just financially, but by being there for whatever she needs that he can provide. THAT's what love is. Too many people today mistaken "chemistry" or lust for love. So I get what you're saying in the original post. He loves her in that he's attempting to take care of her. It's sad that she didn't realize before she had a child with him that his ability to love her would not be enough. I do agree also that we will never allow anyone to love us more than we love ourselves. Take compliments for example. A woman who ACCEPTS herself (love for a woman, remember?) will gracefully accept a compliment. A woman who doesn't will instantly argue with the compliment and point out her flaws. And to that point, a woman who does not accept herself should not yet get married or have kids. She will be so down on herself that she will either attract and chase the wrong men, or sabatoge a great relationship out of fear that she will eventually fail it. I believe that women who snoop for clues that their husband is cheating actually secretly hopes that they are so that they can feel validated in getting out of a marriage that they either didn't want or weren't ready for. Controversial, I'm sure. But it makes sense!

I went to a party once... some Native American friends of mine. They did the most interesting things with Doritos. A layer of Top Ramin, then a layer of original Doritos, then a layer of melted cheese dip, topped with jalapenos! Apparently it's called jailhouse nachos. It was actually pretty good!

Probably the most fattening ever... so I try to require comfort in moderation. My great-grandmother used to make cream cheese and green olive sandwiches... mmmmm.

As a child I had a crazy, old, blind babysitter who owned a gun. She was always threatening to blow her son's legs off. I'd like to meet the genius who sold a gun to a blind woman!

fabulous... happy to be home and flirting with some guy...

Yes

Lol... lots of times. My mom came to visit me once and so I straightened up the apartment and burned some sage. She walked in and FREAKED out because she swore she smelled weed. It took a long conversations, lots of tears, and burning the sage again for her to convince her otherwise! I got fired from a job at a spa that way once too. I needed a day off but couldn't find a replacement. The weekend manager gave me the day off anyway and crossed me off the schedule. Two day's later, the weekday manager called and fired me for abandoning my shift! It's just one of those sad facts of life we all must endure at some point.

Pregos love massages... the two of you can have a spa day together. Or even just shopping. What you do is not nearly as important as the fact that you show her you still care and want to spend time with her. Actually, I find it really flattering when my friends want to just "hang out" and do nothing. It says that they enjoy my company enough to not need the distraction of activity! lol

I hate to say this honey, but what makes us happy and what is RIGHT is not always the same thing. I was in a VERY similar situation once. I dated a guy for awhile and was head over heals. Then he broke up with me. Five years later we reconnected but within those five years, he had gotten married had a son, and seperated fromt he mom. His ex was living with her new boyfriend and he and I got back together. Then one day he told me that she wanted to work things out with him for the sake of their son. Although it was hard, I had to say "Good, that's exactly what you SHOULD do. Your son deserves to have a complete family." And I bowed out gracefully. Even though I thought she was a terrible person from some of the things I had heard, she couldn't have been that bad because there were obviously things that he loved about her. At that point, I realized that who she is was none of my business... they are a family and a boy needs his dad more than two days a week or every other week. It sounds like you guys haven't been put in that situation yet, because you didn't say she DOES want him back. If that happens though, you can fight for what makes YOU happy or you can feel great about yourself because, no matter how much it hurt you, you did right by a child. He could either stay with you because YOU make HIM happy, or he could find happiness with her by rediscovering what he first loved about her, knowing that his daughter won't have to go through the same struggles as every other daddyless girl, and finding a way to make HIMSELF happy through taking resposibility for his past decisions (the alternative to making yourself happy in that type of situation is accepting a lifetime of misery). Good luck to you both!