Tom I appreciate that. I was trying to understand if I was doing the
right thing by trying to leave it alone. The other part though, she is
not coming back, I will not take her.

Catch I did not even cover the commitment part that makes me feel even
more like I should do what you suggested. I will however not let my
children see me ignore her that bad. She is a good mother.

I do think she wants what suits her and maybe that is why I do not wish
to have a conversation with her. Again thanks

Sorry thank all three.

Thank you both.

I need some help to understand something and I am sorry you must know
the whole story.

My wife decided that we needed to separate and no I did not see it
coming. I was in the process of planning two vacations for the year that
she did not know was coming (I did save several thousand on canceling)
and I did not cheat. This happened a few months ago.

Reasons she gave me
1) It is not me it is her
3) Refer to #1 (get the point)

She has a demanding job, as do I. She is trying to get her masters
degree, and we each get the kids for 7 days at a time because I cannot
be away from them any longer. I would have them all the time but she is
a good mother and my children deserve that. I always jump to get the
kids when she calls to say that she cannot make it, have no problem with
that and I even try to invent reasons why I need to have them a couple
of days when it is her week. She left me with everything; I have the
house and all the bills (she does help so not a big problem there
either).

Sorry that the story is so long.
The problem is that she gets upset with me because I have no desire to
have a conversation with her. I am sorry but I do not want to hear about
her job and the deadlines, or how her school is going, or even that her
car needs an oil change. I never get upset, or raise my voice. I simply
answer yes or no and hang up. All I feel I need from her is that my kids
are doing well and what days she will not be able to pick them up, that
is it. I do not feel that with the reasons that she has given me that
she deserves enough of my respect to spend my time being friendly to
her. I know why she left (and she was not cheating either), and the
reasons were not me and I respected her even less when I found out what
they were.

So the question is, if you can make sense of all that, is am I wrong for
being short and to the point with her. Am I wrong for not really caring
what is going wrong in her day. Am I of my rocker here.

Agree with Fry, however most people put on some sort of face for a
awhile. They want to see the real you before you see the real them.

I would always tell the person if something has made me uncomfortable.
About the only thing that would make me tuck and run would have to be my
two children. Do, say, or act strange around them and there is no
hesitation your out. But it will be months before my children even know
someone exists.

Great philosophy I think I might try it on for size.

I had twin sisters that were 2yrs younger than me. It was hell, how
could I be the mean older brother when there were 2. I found my moments
and played a lot of typewriter on their backs and heads. It is amazing
how after all that abuse you give to your siblings, they usually, not
always grow closer as they grow up.

Hi Jane nice of you to join

I thought my problems were bad. My son is 8 and always has been an angel
(hope that is not a sign of things to come). My daughter 5yrs old and as
HIGH Maintenance as they come. Neither of the kids ever destroys
anything but she is horrible. Example she has about 20 porcelain dolls
that her aunt gave to her (all very expensive), I dare anyone to breathe
on these things. They are all in her room and have never been moved
unless she is present to watch me dust the shelves or she will hurt me
(I fear this girl). She thinks that she deserves the same treatment. Not
all-bad kid she is very sweet (sometimes), she is just too much for a
dad to handle on his own and I am the one that wanted her to be a
princess and not a TOM BOY (what the hell was I thinking). If anyone has
any advice please help me learn to control my little HM. Did I mention
that she makes sure to tell me if one of those damn dolls is out of
place.

But this is all nothing compared to what I have read in this post. I
hope mine stay the way they are.

Sorry it was a thought, and I happy that you and your kids have a good
man. Every child deserves to have a good woman and man in their lives.
Helps balance everything about a child. Hope everything works out.

Man I must say you need to stop her at the end of the drive and not let
this happen again. I would never disrespect a woman in this manner (i
mean your new spouse). The house belongs to you now and she (your ex)
has her own. The day my wife moved out I changed the locks and she has
never been aloud back inside. When she asked why she cannot come into
her own house I asked her for a key to her apartment so I could come and
go at will. It was amazing, she said no that it was her place (imagine
that).

So tell the ex to get it through her head and never let it happen again.
I would want the respect of my new spouse more than the ex.

Take it from a man that has stepped into feplace my sons biological
father. I am going through a divorce and Grant was there when I met my
soon to be ex-wife. When she told me she was leaveing, he was the first
thing that came to my mind. I cannot loose my boy. I know she cannot
stop me from seeing my daughter as she is mine (noone can argue about
that). But if your ex does not want to be part of their lives that is
his mistake. You should not be angry, since your BIO clearly says that
you found someone. If he was not good to your children, i am sure that
you would not give him a second glance. That being said embrace the
relationship between him and your children and let it go (as long as you
are sure he will be around for a long time)

My relationship with my son is so strong that there is nothing she could
do to take him away from me (he would not alow it, nor would I). I guess
is what I am saying is to focus on your kids lifes and your yours, and
never let them hear you talk bad about their real father. They will see
what is going on and form their own opinion. It is hard to deal with but
in the end it will always work out.

Just a side note a lot of states have changed their suport laws. In a
couple of states if he does not pay they will revoke his drivers
license. I know that this does not help much now, but if you always let
the courts know that he has not paid they will get him. Not to mention
he will never be able to go anywhere in the US and get a new license
(the reason states started using this technique). LOL

I did not have anything to do with my sons name. Long story but to make
it short he is not mine by blood but mine at heart and even though we
are seperated she will never remove me from his life and is going to let
me adopt him. Sorry another topic, my daughter was named after a song
that wwe heard on the way to the hospital. The problem was that I did
not have spell check so it came out spelled Ostin. I have yet to hear
some one pronounce it right or figure out that she is a girl. I love the
name and so does she because of the attention she gets.

As parents none of us are perfect, however if your child can come to you
with a problem this big and the two of you talk it out you are a far
better parent than 90% of us could ever hope to be. Remember she will
when she is finally ready to have children learn form the way you raised
her.

I just hopr that my two will be able to do the same with me when they ar
that age. It is stories like this however that scare fathers like me. I
have an 8yr old boy and a 5yr old girl and had parents to learn from
that made every mistake possible. I try to be competely different than
they were and hope that I can be as good a perent as you, because no
matter what anyone says you are a great mother just because your
children can talk to you and you do not condem, or judge instead you
help.

Continue to raise her the way you are.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. My father passed about five
years ago and even though I have yet to face the man my mother has been
with for the last year and is planning to marry I have listened to my
sisters complaints. I have no advice on that part of the problem.

I do however know what it is like to not know your grandparents because
of differences. I did not meet them until I was 16yrs old. After I did I
treated my parents differently, because they taught me that family was
the most important thing in life and that I (we my siblings and I)
should always make the effort to work out our differences. My parents
always said that someone has to be the bigger person and make every
effort until the other cracks and comes around or you can learn to
accept that the other is different than you. I meet my grandparents and
relize that they did not follow those teachings to well themselves.

The moral here is that you should never let your children she anyone
disrespect you, nor you disrespect anyone else. But you also have to be
the better person and continue to make the effort no matter how much it
hurts you to do so. Your children have the right to know their
grandfather and you should not be the reason that they do not, nor
should you let this woman be the reason. Voice your concerns with your
father and never give up trying to make him see the problem. I think
that one day he will come around and make the changes needed or speak up
for you to his wife.

I know it is not much help as I am not the best in the advice area, but
I hope it will help some.

Got two that will enjoy a the site

I am with ya iowa, the pack

I am new here and would like to introduce myself.
Names Ray, and I am separated and not looking for a another now. What I
am looking for is to make a few friends.

I am currently going back in time to do some things that I have not done
in a long time. Quit them to grow up and be with a woman, raise a family
and thought that it was the rite thing. Later about that. But in the
last 8 years I have not done the following and will do all again in the
next year. If anyone wants to join let me know. I will start out with
the easy stuff.

Skiing (I cannot believe I gave it up)
Class 5s (nothing more relaxing)
Repel
Sky dive
Caving

I never base jumped but it is on the list

Oh about me now I am sincere, hardworking, and enjoy staying at home
watching movies, nights by the fireplace, reading but most watching my
sons play sports and getting his report card, watching my daughters
dance class, tumbling class and letting her take my picture. Other than
that I am kind of boring.