A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor Who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?" I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Huh," the younger doctor said, "pretty sneaky. I think I'll try that at the next house." Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with another woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."

Isaiah 45:7
I form the light, and create darkness; I make peace AND CREATE EVIL; I the Lord do all these things.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this)


The bank manager looks back at her and says ..

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack.
Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone

Bubba and Earl bought some raffle tickets. They went to the drawing where Earl won a months supply of spaggeti sauce and Bubba won an almost new toilet brush!
'Bout a week later they were talking, Bubba asked Earl. "how's that spaggeti sauce?" Earl said." it's great man, what about the toilet brush?"
Bubba says, "oh, it's ok, but my wife don't like it too good so we're thinking about switching back to toilet paper".

You're Kidding....A politician LIED? What on earth is this country coming to?

Here are some interesting statistics.

These are some rather eye-opening facts: Since the start of the war on
terror in Iraq and Afghanistan , the sacrifice has been enormous. In the
time period from the invasion of Iraq in March 2003 through now, we have
lost over 3000 military personnel to enemy action and accidents.

As tragic as the loss of any member of the US Armed Forces is, consider
the following statistics: Here are annual fatalities of military members
while actively serving in the armed forces from 1980 through 2006:
1980...... 2,392
1981 .......... 2,380
1984 ........... 1,999
1988 .......... 1,819
1989 ........... 1,636
1990 .......... 1,508
1991 ............ 1,787
1992 ........... 1,293
1993 ............ 1,213
1994 ........... 1,075
1995 ...........2,465
1996 .......... 2,318
1997 ............ 817
1998 .......... 2,252
1999 ........... 1,984
2000 .......... 1,983
2001 ........... 890
2002 .......... 1,007
2003 ........... 1,410
2004 ......... 1,887
2005 .......... 919
2006........... 920

If you are confused when you look at these figures...so was I.

Do these figures mean that the loss from the two latest conflicts in the
Middle East are LESS than the loss of military personnel during Mr.
Clinton's presidency; when America wasn't even involved in a war? And,
I was even more confused; when I read that in 1980, during the reign of
President (Nobel Peace Prize) Jimmy Carter, there were 2,392 US military
fatalities!

These figures indicate that many of our media and politicians will pick
and choose. They present only those 'facts' which support their
agenda-driven reporting. Why do so many of them march in lock-step to
twist the truth. Where do so many of them get their marching-orders for
their agenda?

Our Mainstream Print and TV media, and many politicians like to slant;
that these brave men and women, who are losing their lives in Iraq, are
mostly minorities! Wrong AGAIN--- just one more media lie! The latest
census, of Americans, shows the following distribution of American
citizens, by race:

Here are the fatalities by race; over the past three years in Iraqi Freedom:

European descent (white) ..... 74.31%
Hispanic ................................. 10.74% Black
......................................... 9.67% Asian
......................................... 1.81%
Native American ...................... 1.09%
Other ........................................... .33%

You do the Math! These figures don't lie... but, media-liars figure...and
they sway public opinion!

(These statistics are published by Congressional Research Service, and
they may be confirmed by anyone at:
http://WWW.fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RL32492.pdf )

Now ask yourself these two questions:

'Why does the mainstream Print and TV Media never print statistics like
these, and why do we have to find out this information on the web?

Depends on your definition of wrong.

This is not a joke, but after all the blonde jokes on here, I thought that this might be the appropriete place for it.

Encounters with blonde women such as U.S. film icon Marilyn Monroe make men's mental performance decline, a study has found.

University of Paris X-Nanterre professor Thierry Meyer said the study he co-authored found that when men are around blonde women, their mental performance declines due to prevailing social stereotypes, The Sunday Times of London reported.

The social psychology professor said study subjects were given general knowledge tests after being exposed to a variety of women, and seemed unconsciously to begin to "think blonde."

"This proves that people confronted with stereotypes generally behave in line with them," Meyer said. "In this case blondes have the potential to make people act in a dumber way, because they mimic the unconscious stereotype of the dumb blonde."

Although the finding appeared to reinforce the influence of stereotypes on behaviors and abilities, "EastEnders" and "Doctor Who" star Michelle Collins had a different take.

"I don't think it's to do with hair at all; it's all about the breasts," the blonde actress told the newspaper.

A preacher was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.

"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."

Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The preacher breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

Below is an exercise which addresses about 11 real issues facing America today and down the road. I would encourage each of you to take this test, and see which candidate has the same views you do....or at least, is the best fit for what you want in America.

Perhaps the race for President in the United States of America will someday stop being a popularity or financial contest, and people will vote the issues.

The following is an interesting exercise.... You answer
a few questions then click the 'find your candidate button' and the program selects the candidate who's position on the issues is most like your own...
You may be surprised at what you find...use the link below..

http://www.wqad.com/Global/link.asp?L=259460

Redy wrote, 'And then there's the issue of Revelations. Can anyone understand, why it was necessary for God to leave a message that says that Satan will never be penitant and will never be forgiven?

The only purpose that ANY Christian that I know has ever assigned to it, was to solidify their belief that there really is a hell, "'and if you don't follow the law, God will NOT forgive, just as he did not forgive Satan, in the end."'

No one can 'follow the law', and none could be saved if Jesus had not paid the price (death)for our sins.
We are saved by the Grace of God, thruogh faith in Jesus Christ.

I thought about counting the 'why' and 'how' questions here, but ran out of fingers and toes.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?(e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Redy, God is in control.

The big question is: 'why did God creat so many of us who are smarter than Him?'
And since we are so smart - why are we always asking - why?

Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.

Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I
know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you
about him before I give him my answer.

Edna: 'Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car...A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... A marvelous dinner...Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!'

Dorothy: 'Goodness gracious!... So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?

Edna: 'No, no, no...
I'm just saying, wear an old dress.'

The mayor of Washington D.C. said 'if you don't count murder, crime is down in D.C.