i try not to be too judgemental. writing these profiles is a somewhat awkward situation. if you use too many words nobody reads it, too few words or include too many buzzwords and they think you're boring, half-assing it or some type of scammer.

i think i'll change mine to; hi ladies, i'm not from around here. i enjoy getting naked in phone booths before fighting bald guys and monsters while wearing red briefs over blue tights. i have abs of steel and sometimes wear glasses. when i do, you'll think i'm an entirely different person. i'm not a fan of green rocks.

old pantyhose=budget condoms.

disclaimer: pantyhose condoms are 99.99999% INeffected at preventing pregnancy and stds

i have a few patents. one is about to expire (i patented it when i was 12) so i'm going to try reapply. i sold a few patents to a tool company during college. they filled a really specific niche though so i didn't make a fortune or anything. high profit per unit but low volume of sales.

mario and luigi.

so many women refuse to ask a guy out and claim it's because of some outdated idea that it's the guy's responsibility. i think they just fear rejection as much as a lot of guys do. women always talk about equality...well take some equal risk now and then. my $.02

yeah, they run wild in packs in the country. farmers hate them because they sneak in at night and eat the crops.

"onlooker delay" they're making thousands of people late for work because they want to see a corpse or some twisted metal. and if you actually see that stuff it's not eciting or anything. just go!

hey she's assuming i'm 6 years closer to natural death. that's not cool.

yeah, grocery store is good. just go to the natural foods aisle and say, "you too, huh? i love this granola crap. wanna see how much energy it gives me?"

if it makes you feel any better, 26 seems pretty young to me. i was talking to a chick in vegas last year on my 28th birthday and she thought i was turning 34.

there are man-hunters at home depot. it's simple. a pretty single mother shoves her kid to the other side of the aisle and bends over with her butt aimed at a guy with no ring on his finger. she picks up a part, plays with it, then plays dumb and asks him (not the salesperson) a question about it. for all i know she invented the part and is laughing at me for not knowing as much as she does about it.

everything i need to know i learned in kindergarten...

-if you and your buddy fight over the big red bristle block because you both want to build optimus prime, the teacher gives it to the quiet kid who uses it for something lame.

-if a girl can't open her playdoh and you do it for her, she kisses you later (kindergarten score!)

-when the teacher cathes you kissing in class you get your name on the board and have to tell your parents. mom's mad, dad gives you a pat on the back . when the same thing happens again with a different girl, you get a check by your name (resets weekly), girl one is angry, mom is angry again and dad thinks it's hilarious.

-if you need to use the class bathroom and the teddy bear isn't hanging outside the door knock anyway so you don't walk in on a girl swinging her feet and humming on the toilet.

-if you and your pals build a trap out of huge wooden blocks and the rival crew triggers it, they get concussions and you get in A LOT of trouble. come on, that's not what happened on heman!

yeah, you're pretty correct. one of my car forums got like that. it was mostly the young guys whining about some chick who dumped them and how it was the end of the world. we had to raise the minimum age to 25 with a few exceptions. problem gone.

that's why i put the laughing smiley. i know it won't kill nearly as many cells....unless you get so drunk you fall over onto a table saw or something.

supposedly it's better on FB. i never played it on myspace. i like FB better anyway. i've actually used if for some work-related stuff in the past and myspace feels like anyone over 13 doesn't belong there. everybody making cutesy profiles and junk. linked-in is the most professional i know of but it's more limited in features than FB.

i've seen that on facebook (i'm just on there because i'm hooked on mafia wars). they might as well post "i'll be gone for a week, come and get it" to every person on the planet.

chugging a full bottle of whiskey will kill an equal number of brain cells.

i used to have some bouron in a bowling-pin shaped bottle. yay!

sounds boring. now people are freaking out because links to porn are being posted....uh yeah, it's the internet. what did they expect?

how sad is it to be referencing a show from the 90s? stop living in the past. just kidding. i love some old tv too. highlander and sliders just to name a few.

half of seinfeld's problems could have been solved by the internet or a cell phone in minutes. in the past having a cell phone gave you near god-like powers, like zack morris....

http://www.hulu.com/watch/76560/late-night-with-jimmy-fallon-saved-by-the-bell-reunion-update-3

yeah, they never get out of their comfort zone and have to adapt.

leaving town for college helps too. experiencing a new city and new people on your own is fun and gives you perspective. easy transition for me but i was surprised to see how many people got homesick.