My son will be 10 in June. I broke up with the man who raised him 8 months ago. We have had some really trying times since then. See, my son is really angry with me because he doesn't understand why I left "daddy" and why he can't live with him. He knows he is not his real father and he knows we had problems, but he is still looking for a place to put the blame. Naturally, I left..so it's my fault in his eyes. This has posed some big issues with respect and doing what he's told. He's even been suspsended from school, almost expelled etc. I started having him write sentences as a consequence because nothing else was working. Now when he doesn't do what he's told, talks back, or gets into trouble at school, he sits in the corner and writes sentences.

This hasn't solved every problem, but it's definately improved things a great deal. The important thing though is to do it immediately. Don't give second chances, don't say if you don't stop your gonna write sentences, don't compromise. As soon as the rule is broken or they don't get up and put their toys away the first time you ask, you give out the consequence. After awhile, they start to figure out that mom isn't taking the nonsense anymore. At least mine is. :)

My father was a veteran from the Korean War. He served in the Air Force and was a communications officer. His whole job was to ensure the radios were working properly, even if this meant running out in the middle of fire to pick up a broken radio and distribute one that worked so our soldiers were never without communication to one another. He talked often over the years of those soldiers he served with, some who lost their lives, some who were injured, and others who like him, were able to go home to their wives and loved ones. We never met or saw any of those people until the day of my father's funeral. I wasn't able to be there because I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter, but my mom sent me the pictures and I still can't look at them without feeling great pride in my father and everything he stood for. You see, these men he served with, those he called brothers and friends all came to his funeral and they sent him off in a military fashion. These are men from all the way across the United States who were given less than a week's notice and ALL of them who were still living showed up dressed in uniform and carrying rifles.

My father was also half native american. When people asked why he chose to serve in the military and defend those who stole this land from his people, he simply smiled and said: Does not myself and my family both enjoy the benefits of freedom that this country offers? If this was truly my land first, then I have a moral obligation and a duty to defend it.

I am very proud of my dad and men like him. My step brother is in the United States Navy. He was injured and sent home shortly before they were deployed to Iraq. He is also an artist and not a day goes by that he doesn't find some way to contribute something to those men over there that he served with. His MySpace page is full of graphics he has created and pictures of him and his brothers overseas. He may not be fighting alongside them but he still suffers with them every time a soldier falls.

I am so proud of the men in my life who choose or chose to serve their country and when people talk badly about our troops, I am the first to tell them that if they don't shut up I will put a boot in their ass the american way. This is America Land of the Free, if you can't support the men and women who die every day to keep it that way, then perhaps you should consider relocating.

There is nothing worse than a boring kisser. Some people tend to kiss just one way and never try anything else. I prefer a man with variety. I look at kissing like a sensual dance, I will follow his lead to start and then throw in a few variations of my own, such as a little nibble to his lower lip or a tantalizing sucking of his tongue to get his imagination moving along to what might happen if he sticks around awhile, etc. I love a guy who can surprise me as well and keep things interesting.

I haven't really had this problem, my son is almost 10 and very smart. I left the man I was with all his life 8 months ago. My ex has a new gf and she lives with him and my daughter. I was not happy when he moved her in so quickly but my daughter adapted fairly well to the situation. We talked about it together and once she realized mommy wasn't mad or upset, she decided it would be okay for daddy's new friend to live with them.

My son tells me all the time that he thinks I should date and that he would like to meet people I date because he doesn't want a stranger moving into his home. We have talked about the possibility that things may not work out with people and how he would feel if he really liked the guy. He told me that he would just be happy he got to make a new friend, that it's not like they are his father or anything.

This doesn't mean I plan on introducing every guy I date, and my son knows this. But it helps to know that if I do meet someone and things seem to be going well after awhile that even if things don't work out, my child can handle meeting them and getting to know them.

I think the most important thing with children is communication. Don't bring the guy home with the impression this is your new daddy. Don't introduce them as a family member, that is a huge no no. Just be real with them and appropriate. This is a friend.

Winx, you are right on the "technical" term of dual diagnosis, perhaps I worded it wrong, I should have said a dual addiction. Anyhow I do not think you are a snob, I just find a lot of people who are not in recovery themselves but work for rehabs or have loved ones who are tend to stereotype and lump us all into one catagory.

Yes the program "suggests" that you don't use any substance at all but the fact still remains, just because you have one addiction doesn't necessarily mean you have problems in any other area. A lot of people though tend to use one as an excuse to do another therefore it's considered "safer" to just stay abstinent from everything especially for the first year of recovery because it eliminates the "I couldn't help it because I was hooked on stupid from doing another substance" excuse.

I realize this thread is about our kids doing pot and how we would react, however you are the one who keeps saying pot is a gateway drug and it leads to other things and you should know cause you worked for a rehab and your friend is in NA and you've been to meetings etc. As an adult with an addiction I just wanted to make it clear from MY experience and the experience of several others in my community who will be the first to say that THEY are the problem, the drugs were just a symptom.

The fact is, kids are going to do what they want to do whether we give them permission or not. It is up to us to make it clear WHY we don't want them to do it. We also want to make sure that whatever facts we are teaching our kids are indeed facts and not speculation or oppinion.

Me personally, if I found out my child was smoking pot, I'd sit their ass down in front of the computer have them google marijuana, canabis, thc, etc. and then have them write me an essay on what it is, what effects it may have, pros, cons, and uses and then when they were finished we would discuss what they have learned and whether they still think it's something they should be doing. Once they have the facts for themselves, we would then discuss how I feel about it, and what my oppinion is.

Why take this approach? Simple, because if I tell them all the facts they are going to believe I have some hidden agenda or ulterior motive. If I tell them No don't do it, they are going to want to know why. If I forbid them to do it, they will just rebel and do it anyhow. Also, having them tell me how they feel after is showing an interest in what they think and want instead of just saying no and it opens the door for them to hear what I feel about it because afterall I did listen to them so it's only reasonable and fair to hear me out too.

In the end, my children will do whatever they want to do, I can't be with them to hold their hands every waking moment of the day. It's like sex, we can talk to them till we are blue in the face, we can scream and yell and tell them we forbid it, but unless we prepare them for it we take the risk of having pregnant teenagers and kids with STDs. All I can hope is that I have given my kids enough information to keep them responsible and safe and enough love and respect to keep them confiding in me no matter what.

Winx, I have to say this, and you probably won't like it, but I'm going to. Let me start first by saying I think you sound like a wonderful mother and I don't disagree with anything you have said AS A MOTHER. However, I think you are rather stereotypical for someone who supposedly works for a hospital, has worked for rehabs, etc. Just because you work with addicts and alcoholics, and have attended a few meetings with friends, aquaintances etc...does NOT make you an expert on the matter. You still lack the experience.

Now, your ignorance on some matters has gotten rather annoying. Let me clarify some things as a past meth addict myself. Alcohol, cigarrets and Marijuana never led me to try meth. ME, MYSELF, and I LED ME TO TRY METH! Period. The problem with the "program" is this: A few people are addicts, A few people are Alcoholics, A Few people are dually diagnosed with both. Now, because the people with both can't do either they automatically assume that people with one or the other cannot either. So how do we keep the dually diagnosed from fallin off the wagon? Brainwash everyone that if you do one or the other, you can't do anything else or you will fall off the wagon too. B.S!!

The other problem: Susie is an alcoholic, she goes out and smokes some pot and then ends up drinking. Susie is still somewhat in denial about her alcohol problem and she needs a scapegoat for her drinking. Susie claims Pot made her drink because she wasn't thinking properly. Now Susie is an addict too because she can't do drugs without drinking. The Reality: If Susie was working her program, the pot wouldn't have made any difference because Susie would still have said no to drinking because she knows she has a problem.

Let's get even more in depth here. I am allergic to asprin. I know it makes me sick and uncomfortable so I don't take it ever. I am drinking one night, or smoking pot and I get a headache and someone offers me an asprin. Do I take the asprin because I am not "thinking right". No. I say I'm sorry Asprin makes me very sick, I can't have it. If you can say no to something that will harm or kill you while intoxicated, you can say no to anything else that is bad for you too.

I have drank a few times, and I've smoked pot over the years, NEVER EVER have I had a lapse in judgement and accepted Meth, even when offered to me. It's like the asprin. I know it's bad for me and leads to bad things, so I say no I can't do that stuff.

Why go into this big long spiel? Simple. Winx, it's people like you who enable the people like suzie to say the pot made me take something I shouldn't have. Stereotypes are horrible and can cause people who don't know any better to be misinformed. It also causes manipulative and connviving people to have yet one more excuse to add to their entourage of reasons they do not have to take responsibility for the things they do.

There is no such thing as a gateway drug. People just need something to blame for their irresponsible actions in life.

As a single woman AND a single mom I have to jump in and say that yes I am here to meet someone special, however I am NOT going to just jump the gun and meet some guy right off the bat until I know what his views, morals, standards, and lifestyle is like. This requires getting to know more about him through IMs and emails etc.

Unfortunately, many men like yourself get impatient and wanna know why I don't want to just run and meet them ASAP. Sadly I hate being single and alone, however the last relationship I was in only lasted a couple months and I was hurt. I had my heart broken 8 months ago by my daughter's father who I was with for 9 years so I am learning to be a little more picky. You guys gotta remember specially for us mother's out there, our kids have already been through enough hell and we don't want to put them through anymore of it.

I am not going to risk my children's emotional stability nor am I going to risk not coming home to them. I figure if a man is willing to take the time to get to know me and wait awhile until I am comfortable to meet, then he is worth meeting. If he isn't willing to go at my pace then it probably wouldn't have worked out anyhow.

Peer influence CAN be one of the things that causes kids to act out and yes parental neglect is a factor sometimes. However after reading the things she has written already I do not see NEGLECT as a problem here. What I see is a mother who loves her son and is trying to do everything she can to help him, yet he still gets in trouble. Sometimes we as parents can do everything under the sun for our children and yet still they will act out and get into trouble.

And yes, we as parents do think we know what our kids need most, we have known them all their lives. Some parents may be wrong, but most parents who truly sit down and talk to their children and pay attention to them are pretty accurate. The hardest part though is having a child who believes they need something that is NOT a need but a desire and not a very healthy desire at that.

Do not confuse a child's needs with their wants. And please, if you are going to make blanket statements, take into consideration the context in which you write it to avoid coming off as judgemental and offending somebody who truly cares about their child and is simply looking for advice preferably from other mother's who have been in their shoes or are facing similair trials. To do otherwise really makes you come off like a total asshat IMO.

*slides onto a bar stool* I'll have a Kamikazee.