Was arrested today. What do I do? I have been fighting the same battle for 6 years and now he is 18. I want to be there because I love him but then again he has to learn tough love. Any advice from anyone that has been through it?

I didn't have like loads of trouble TR. But I had some.
My son was arrested at 16 or 17 and i told Him I bailed you out once and if it is drug or alcohol related I won't do it again.
At 18 ( he spent his 18th there) He was arressted I let him sit for 120 days.
I cried everyday. I hated it.
He has not been in trouble since and he is 21.

Wow..i let mine sit for 30 days max. that must have been hard. but this time I have the mind set to not let him get out so easy.
he has tried to call several times tonight, but I didn't realize I had to set up an account. I have a 13 year old that I have to think of as well.

It just sux uh?

my daughter was 14 and pg when she shoplifted some clothese that wernt even her style.. they didnt arrest her, but they did call me and i went got her... no one else in my family knew about it. for i know what my mom would had said.. she had everything she needed for her son(hes 11yrs old now) so i dont know what was on her mind then

Peer influence and parental neglect.parents think they know what a kid needs most but they are usually wrong

Who are you to judge me as a parent? REALLY?

Peer influence CAN be one of the things that causes kids to act out and yes parental neglect is a factor sometimes. However after reading the things she has written already I do not see NEGLECT as a problem here. What I see is a mother who loves her son and is trying to do everything she can to help him, yet he still gets in trouble. Sometimes we as parents can do everything under the sun for our children and yet still they will act out and get into trouble.

And yes, we as parents do think we know what our kids need most, we have known them all their lives. Some parents may be wrong, but most parents who truly sit down and talk to their children and pay attention to them are pretty accurate. The hardest part though is having a child who believes they need something that is NOT a need but a desire and not a very healthy desire at that.

Do not confuse a child's needs with their wants. And please, if you are going to make blanket statements, take into consideration the context in which you write it to avoid coming off as judgemental and offending somebody who truly cares about their child and is simply looking for advice preferably from other mother's who have been in their shoes or are facing similair trials. To do otherwise really makes you come off like a total asshat IMO.

its just a given that if youre a parent, children will eventually wind up in some sort of trouble..and this is not necessarily reflective on parental skills,but more or lesss as they get older they explore different places and experiment with different things
..while sometimes there are contributing factors curiosity plays a major role,coupled with peer pressure at times along with a number of other contributing factors on any given day..
.for the majority of the parents i would say they do the best they can while coping with many other factors in their lives and for single parents the responsibilities pretty much double as we try to fill in for the other spouse..
..being a parent isnt easy but just because ones child gets into occasional trouble,it is not always the parents fault ..so many times we are quick to lay blame on people who possess no guilt as opposed to laying it on the guilty party themselves ...tis the American way..

I agree Peers can be a big issue with our children. However, I will be the first to tell you, his friends are as good as gold. They are the most amazing kids. I want so much to blame them, myself or anyone else around. But there is no one to blame but him. He has made the decisions that he has, and he is the one that has to live with the consequences. I don't like it but I do know this much.

I thank God my girls haven't given me the trouble I caused my parents.
They wanted a different life for me than the one I chose to live.
At least for a while. Years later when I made my peace with my Mom I shared with her that despite her best efforts after about age 13-15 kids start to make their own decisions. And that it doesn't reflect on your parenting skills, you made the best decisions you could make with the information and resources available. And that as adults now we deal with those consequences. I didn't 'blame' her in anyway for the predicaments of my life, it is the results of my decisions.
I told her I knew that she loved me, and that I loved her.

Things were much better between us after that.


The one time I had been arrested for:
Reckless Driving
Driving under the influence of Dangerous Narcotics
Possession
When she found out she said
'You rotten little Son of a Bi***, they should have left you there.'
and turned around and walked away from me.

Never went to jail again.