okay listen normally when i met someoneyou don't get your kids involved at all right well yeah but i messed up hard core this time i thought this person was going to be "different" and of course i was wrong and a few days later a story came up about him moving or some thing like that, so know my kids are wondering about this person and it's hard being a parent and dating all at the same time what do others do

When he says will you marry me...Then introduce your children

i've always kept my family life and my personal life separate...to my kids i'm just mom...to my men i'm...hmmmm whatever they think i am...it's worked for 11 yrs...

I made that mistake with my first kid. She'd get attached and then the guy and I would break up. I'd wait quite a while. But, too, I've made regular friends and we'd "break up" and that was just as hard for my child.
But, so much depends on the age and maturity of your child. And, I think it should go without saying, if you DID introduce a man to your child, you should not be overly affectionate with him or allow sleep-overs with a child present. A guy should be introduced as a friend if they must meet, and the meeting should be kept to a minimum. But that's just my slant on the subject.

or head for the hills

Once a couple knows enough about each other to come to the conclusion they want to marry I think they should become formally engaged. At that point it makes sense to me to start developeing a family relationship. Very few people fall in love suddenly or feel comfortable living with a stranger. I think it is only fair to a child to give them time to become accustom to the idea.

What's a date?? My son is 13 so I can introduce him at anytime and he would forget about her the next day unless she plays World of Warcraft.

hey i made the same mistake .I met a great guy after being single for a while, Iinterduced him to my son bad move as he ran like the wind.

I won't introduce my child until I'm in a serious relationship. I don't want my child bonding with someone and then it doesn't work out and they don't see that person anymore. I don't want my child to have men walking in and out of their life.

I think after knowing some of the people here on mingle that some of these kids are gonna grow up to be seriously twisted individuals

no need in messing with their minds any more than is gonna happen naturally

i agree, i am not sure i would introduce my daughter to anyone i have not dated for several months, i would be afraid she would be hurt to when something like that happens

Usually, the first 90-120 days are a probationary period for the relationship. During this time you can get to know them more, decide if you are really liking and trusting them or is it jusy puppy love and vice versa.

Introductions should be in a public place with no build up. You run into the person by chance. IMO

I have never introduced anyone to my son. When he was little I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship and we ended up moving in together (my son stays between his father and I). We had 2 bedrooms and when my son was with me, my BF and I would not sleep in the same room. Nor did he see anything physical, other than a "friendly hug", between us. He was introduced by his his name to my son and he is our "roomate" which eventually happened if you catch my drift ...we eventually broke up and I told my son he had to move due to business which partially was true. My son missed him but mostly the computer game playing but he wasn't crushed because he didn't see the guy as "leaving us." This ending is a part of life and can be used as a lesson in some respects. My son's father did the same thing with his relationship (although my son new it was a girlfriend because even adults need company and love/friendship), so when it ended, he said the same thing about her moving which was partially true. maybe you could say something to your kids to this effect so they don't feel abandoned and think they did something wrong.

You are right you messed up so now you can cry in the spilleed milk or you can be honest with your children.
Tell them I am sorry, I made a mistake I thought so and so was going to be someone I wanted in our lives it has turned out that he wasn't. I wouldn't go into a lot of details. When they ask what the details are use the old fall back and say when you are older I will try to explain it.


When my children were young I made it an iron clad rule that they didn't meet anyone that I was dating till we made it past the 6 month mark. Then it was done very casually I remember one guy I introduced as a friend from my work and he wanted to see the zoo also so I invited him a long. That way there was no pressure on him to make a good impression or on my kids to be whatever. I am so glad I had that rule, this guy in particular tried so hard, I could tell though that my 4 children just flat over whelmed him and no matter how hard he would try it wouldn't be a great match.

Good luck out here.
Kids and dating is tough no matter how you choose to handle it.

My girls are 15 & 18, each have birthdays in the next couple of months.
They kinda know the woman that I am dating because they saw her at church when we attended as a family.
My friend wants to wait until they are on their own, out of their mothers house.
I am in now hurry about it at all.

Years ago I dated a woman for awhile who had small kids, like five and three. It was hard for me after it was over. I liked them.

Much the same as Winx and bgeorge said... my children won't meet a man until or if the relationship is serious. My children know I date but I refuse to have a series of "uncles" (for lack of a better word) in their lives.

But how will we know if our children and this other person gets along?? Isnt it important that our children like them too? Then we are seeing these people for no reason, then again if our kids like them and then the person decides its not what they want then we are left explaining to our kids what happened. I am stuck so what would I do, if I ever met someone??.....

I haven't really had this problem, my son is almost 10 and very smart. I left the man I was with all his life 8 months ago. My ex has a new gf and she lives with him and my daughter. I was not happy when he moved her in so quickly but my daughter adapted fairly well to the situation. We talked about it together and once she realized mommy wasn't mad or upset, she decided it would be okay for daddy's new friend to live with them.

My son tells me all the time that he thinks I should date and that he would like to meet people I date because he doesn't want a stranger moving into his home. We have talked about the possibility that things may not work out with people and how he would feel if he really liked the guy. He told me that he would just be happy he got to make a new friend, that it's not like they are his father or anything.

This doesn't mean I plan on introducing every guy I date, and my son knows this. But it helps to know that if I do meet someone and things seem to be going well after awhile that even if things don't work out, my child can handle meeting them and getting to know them.

I think the most important thing with children is communication. Don't bring the guy home with the impression this is your new daddy. Don't introduce them as a family member, that is a huge no no. Just be real with them and appropriate. This is a friend.

After my divorce, I made the mistake one time and one time only of introducing my daughter to someone I was dating. I refuse to have her hurt if she does get attached, nor do I ever want to confuse her about relationships in general. Now, while I freely discuss my daughter with someone I am dating, they are not brought to meet her or vice versa. If the relationship became serious enough that it looked like things could get permanent, I might be open to discussing it, because her opinion would matter to me. Not that it would rule me by any means, but I would never even consider bringing someone into our lives that didn't adore her and she him.

*shrug*

It's a very tough line to walk, and I've just found that it's better to keep the two separate until I have an inkling of where it's going.

I did like many of the posters do- I never introduced my twins to the person I was seeing. I just didn't feel that it would be fair to the kids. They are so innocent and would not understand why "Bob" cant come over anymore- or whatever.
When I started dating my now ex- he and I hit it off right away AND he respected my choice for him to not be involved with the kids. If he wanted to come over on the week days- he would wait until the kids were sleeping. That was ok in my situation because the twins daddy took them every friday until sunday morning. So my time dating was mostly then. It was when the L word started coming into play that I introduced him to the twins.

Now that I am back out there- I will do the same and if the guy doesn't like it- then he will have to move on.