I've been reading (and occasionally participating in) several threads about people's preferences as they apply to potential dating partners. One of the threads was about how some people can be rude and insulting in expressing those preferences (the BBW issue, etc.) -- and, while I have always defended anyone's and everyone's right to have their own preferences, whatever those may be, there's never a reason to be rude, to stereotype or objectify someone simply because they don't fit within your own established preference parameters.

Without preferences, without standards, you end up with who-knows-what kind of person -- like my ex-wife, a sweet, beautiful girl, but with a bit of a mean streak, the same way Bill Gates has a bit of money.

You have every right to like what you like, and dislike what you dislike -- you just don't need to be hurtful and nasty about it.

As one who has taken a lot of crap from certain people about my own preferences, I can identify with what's being discussed in these other threads.

For example: I've made it pretty clear that I will not date a drinker. Been there, done that, got the knife wounds. I just won't do it anymore.

So someone sends me an e-mail and says: "If you're really serious about finding a girl who doesn't drink, the best place to look is at church."

Great advice, if not for the fact that I'm an atheist.

Whatever.

The point is, whether you're a BBW or some wackjob in the Current News forum or even a non-drinking atheist, you still have the right to decide what works for you and what doesn't. If people can't respect that, if they have to insult you because you just happen to be someone other than who they're looking for, that's THEIR problem. Odds are, they're light years away from being what you want, anyway. And they're not worth your time in the first place.

Well put, Lex

You hit the nail on the head, people have preferences & everyones different..

Yep

Amen! A perfect example is when I know I have extra weight and am 47, but there are men out there who want petite and younger or older. Fine by me as I get to know up front and know not to bother, toooooo!!! It's all good!!!!!

Amen! A perfect example is when I know I have extra weight and am 47, but there are men out there who want petite and younger or older. Fine by me as I get to know up front and know not to bother, toooooo!!! It's all good!!!!!

Lexy~~ I've seen the advice given to you about going to church! Very funny stuff...

As always, you have a valid point. We all have certain preferences. There are times when we come across someone that doesn't fit into them that for whatever reason, and simply shoots that certain preference out of the water. My point is always this... if your preferences keep you from meeting a great person because you hold past experiences against a potential partner or date, then that might be a bad thing.

Dealbreakers, however, are another story. The defining line there must be clear.

Height and weight, hair color, anything to do with appearance.... they so vastly different than issues such as drinking, drugging, RPG addicts, gambling, people who are still married, religiosity, parenthood, etc. There tend to be valid reasons why those (and others) are more than just preferences.

ok, where is the thread for bi-polar amputee midget hookers on valium when you need it *sigh*

Well said Lex!

I get very tired of being put down by those that are different from me. I respect the choices of others and wish the same in return.

signed,
Barbie's Mom

You hit that nail on the head, Lex.
I sometimes think people just like to stir up things.
Never think before they post/speak.

as long as they're not pedophiles...Im pretty much open to anything and STILL I cant get a date......

Hummm, Lex now I must say you have gotten my attention this morning with this thread. You know no matter what we all have our preferences and that is what makes each of us unique in our own way.

But.. one does not have to shove it down our throats by being rude to those that do not fit in there category of preferences.

You are you and like or need certain things within your lifestyle that will make you happy. As I'm me and have certain things that I look for within another.

There is nothing wrong with what one likes. But.... nor is there a need to be rude and crude about what one wants and uses that in order to put others down.

I myself know that as soon as some see that I'm a full figured woman they move on. Hey that is fine with me but... there is no need to call me names or mention my weight for I do know it is there. I'm honest in my profile even have pictures to show I'm not a petite woman. I'm very well aware of my size more than anyone knows. But I'm me and one must take me as I'm right now not what they want me to be. And if it be I loose the weight then it would be and added bonus for us both.

But... don't put me down or belittle me cause I'm not what you want just pass me by. There is no since in putting me down or making me feel bad just to make yourself feel superior. Tell me what does one gain from it?

Do they not see what it really says to others and how it makes others look at them in a different view!

I don't know about others but when I see it splashed upon the forums. And they are having their jollys putting another down be it there size, looks or there beliefs. Those are the ones I make a mental note to myself and would not even think of terms of a relationship. I tend to look at those that do not look down on others for there faults.

We all have flaws and I promise you no one is perfect. For those that seem to think they are I'm sure there are many of their faults that could be pointed out. But... in the end would it make us any better then them? I don't think so!

Any who yeah that is my two cents or maybe a dollars worth!

well I don't really think the problem is that people have preferences, the problem is with the people who do not fit that mold. People do not like rejection, and the simple fact is that when rejected they tend to strike out at the world. If said people were really as confortable in their own skin as they say, they would never make posts about it. I have had a lot of ****ty emails from people when I told them I was not interested in them like that. If the woman was bigger, it was always the "sory I am not a barbie" message. If they were tall, it was amazon, short, midget, you get the idea. People like to attack others to attempt to draw them down to their level. If people would truly just be happy with who they are, life would be so much easier

Rob~ I thought you flirted with all the ladies?

I like to make people laugh lil. I know I can be vulgar, and downright disgusting at times, but if I make one person chuckle a little bit my day is better, and I hope theirs is too. Yes, I am a flirt, but there is a line. Flirting is happy, and I likes to be happy girlie. You are with another person, do I flirt with you?

Great post Lex,

lol, except for the atheist part....I'm a Christian, but as Mike says...we will just have to agree to disagree.

It is never acceptable to disparage someone for their beliefs, (this is "NOT" directed at Lex, we are friends) In saying this, it is never acceptable to belittle someone for having an opinion. We all do not have to agree all the time, We all have differing opinions, thats just human nature people. It's what makes the forums interesting.

Now, all that being said...I have moderated over forums for years. I have learned a few things in life, but the most valuable lesson is this....

Life is a learning experience, what we do with what we learn can only build/destroy character. If you really take the time, and listen...and i mean listen, to what the person is saying...well, then you may just find some of those views might be worth understanding. All i'm saying is this can be a learning experience, no matter the outcome, you can at least say you tried right?

Sometimes, if you step on the other side of the fence...you may just find a piece of the puzzle, or you may step in a pile of crap...but until you are willing to at least try....then you will not grow intellectually or spiritually.

Think of it this way...none of us, and i mean nobody holds the key to life, we can make efforts to be the best we can, we can help people when we can, but negativity will never bring anything but sorrow....How can we learn, if we don't open the book? People are the contents of the book of life, your mission (hopefully) is to write a new chapter.

Rob I see your side of things very well, myself if one tells me that I'm not their type that is fine with me. I would leave things at that and move on. But now I normally go for the friendships on here anyway, if I speak to some one here that is where it is, being based from and nothing else. I understand that size or other things are a turn off for some. That is their choice and one should never be downed for their choice's in life.

We are who we are. There is not one person here, that would date someone if that certain thing within a person totally turns them off. And they need to understand that and back off once someone nicely says sorry you're not what I'm looking for. It's that simple. Problem is some get pushy and make it bad for the rest.

All we can do is follow what we believe and keep things as civil as we can, without throwing out words to hurt others out of spite.