Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman
doesn't?
A. A navel.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a
week later.

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a
blowjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report
it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.

Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.

Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old
woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man
dreams of dating them.

Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter

Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"

Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough
Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take
one finger to get off!

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

lol

ok a blonde is walking along one afternoon and sees a brunette jaumping
back and forth along the railroad tracks shouting twentyone twentyone
twentyone .so the blonde thinks this looked like fun so she joined
jumping back and forth along the tracks all the while shouting twentyone
twentyone twentyone and about an hour goes by and low and behold here
comes the train flying down the tracks the brunette jumps out of the way
and the blonde gets smashed against the train the brunette jumps up
dusts herself off and goes back hopping on the tracks shouting twenty
two twentytwo twentytwo

a rabbit is skipping merrily along when he comes across a giraffe
sparking some bud the rabbit says why do you do that, don't smoke that
it'll make you all lazycome frolic in the forrest with me instead so the
giraffe puts down the joint and goes skipping off with the rabbit and
they come across an elephant who is sniffing coke and the rabbit says
don't do that it'll make your nose and eyes all read and you'll be
running around like a freak come frolic in the forrest with us so he
snorts the last bit and they all go off together then they come across a
lion shooting heroin and the rabbit says don't do that you'll get all
lazy and you'll get addicted and the lion growls get the fuck away from
me you fuckin flakey bitch you act like this every time you drop someX

a pirate walks into a bar and the bar tender says hey pirate do you know
that you have a steering wheel sticking out of your zipper and the
pirate says AAAARRR it's driving me nuts

3 old ladies are sitting around reminiscing about there dearly departed
when they marge had 3 husbands die on her and 1 lady asks how did the
first 1 die and marge says he swallowed poison and died, well how did
the 2nd one die and marge said he too swallowed poison and died and the
old ladies said oh dear the 3rd didn't swallow poison and die did he and
marge said no he died of a broken neck her friends gasped and said oh my
what happened and marge said he wouldn't swallow the poison

those are great

this was always my fav!!
WHY ARE WOMEN AND SPAGETTI SIMILAR?
they both wiggle when you eat them!!!

i cum b4 u 2 stand behind u 2 tell u sumthing i know nothing about this
monday which is good friday there will be a fathers day pinic 4 women
and children only addmission is free pay at the door take a seat sit on
the floor refreshments will b sereved at all corners of the round table
and if u understood ne of this ur all uped fucked and back ass wards
lol

a guy walks into a bar ands sit down next to these three gents ..hes
says to the guy closest to him would you like to hear a good polish joke
well the guy says to him ill you know im the polish kickboxing coach and
these are my two best athletes do you still wanna tell that joke so the
first man say no thancks i wouldnt want to have to explain it three
times

How is eating pussy and the mafia the same?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

This lady brings a baby to the doctor. The doctor looks at the baby and
brings the lady in his office gets out a breast pump. He starts pumping
but doesn’t get any milk. So he starts sucking on her tit still does not
get any milk. So he starts sucking on her other tit but still no milk.
So the doctor says lady you haven’t got any milk. She says I know I am
not the baby’s mother. The doctor replies then why did you cum. The lady
says I dint until you started sucking on my other tit.

what do spiniche and anal sex have in common?
they are two things if forced on you as a child you wont like them as an
adult

funny

What is the difference between a freezer and a guy’s asshole?
When you pull the meat out of a freezer it doesn’t fart.

i got one that my dad just made up today, it's kinda mean, but i thought
it was funny as hell!!!
DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO STEVE IRWIN AFTER HIS FUNERAL??
THEY'RE GOING TO SKIN HIM AND MAKE A PURSE W/MATCHING BOOTS!!

what name do you call a baby with no arms and no legs and he's in the
middle of the ocean??? BOB!!

what name do you call a baby with no arms and no legs and he's in a mail
box??? BILL!!!

what name do you call a baby with no arms and no legs and he's hanging
on the wall??? ART!!!!

what do you say to a woman with no arms or legs?
nice tits

what did the woman on the beach say to michael jackson?
hey, get out of my sun!
where does a woman with one leg work?
ihop

yeah i knew a girl with one leg named ileen