what do you call a boy with no arms or legs...matt

A man walks in a resturaunt. You can tell he's had a shitty, because
aside from his attitude, it's written on his face. "Excuse, me?" He
shouts at the waiter. "Would you tell the cook that I want a hamburger,
not too rare, not too done but right in the groove" The man says "With
the burger, I want some fries, not too crispy, not too soft, but right
in the groove." "And finally," the man declares "I want a chocolate
shake, not too thick, but not too thin, but right in the groove." "Now
you go tell the cook I said that." The waiter leaves for the kitchen,
and returns in five minutes and says "The cook says you can kiss his
ass, not to left, not to the right, but right in the groove."

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear looks over
at the rabbit and says "Does shit stick to your fur?" The rabbit replies
"No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

iv'e heard the bear one along time ago but it's still funny and the
right in the groove one is perfect

This guy walks into a downtown shop one day, walks right up to the
counter, unzips his fly and flops his "equipment" onto the counter...the
lady behind the counter doesn't even bat an eye and says, "Excuse me
sir, but I think you misread the sign out front, this is a CLOCK
shop."....the man says,"I know, I was hoping you could put 2 hands and a
face on it"

Lol. Loved the clock shop joke.

what's the difference between a strip bar and a daredevil thrill
show?...one of them is a cunning array of stunts.

What's the difference between a gay rodeo and a straight rodeo?
At a straight rodeo the crowd yells, "RIDE THAT SUCKER"

yeah that funny how bout this one...a man walks up to the bartender
and he's slurring his words and says bartender, i bet you 3 hundred $
that i can stand over there and piss into that shot glass on the bar
with out spilling a drop and the bar tender says no you can't. the man
says bartender i bet you 3 hundred that i can so the bartender says ok
for 3 hundred. the guy takes 10 steps back and pulls it out and proceeds
to piss all over the bar never once getting a single drop into the
glass. as the bartender is cleaning up the mess he notices some guys
laughing in the back ground, the bartender says you owe me 3 hundred$
and what the hell are your friends over there laughing at? the drunk
says," i bet them $1000 i could piss all over your bar i you wouldn't
get mad"

lmfao@pissing on the bar

This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he wants a shot of 25
yr old scotch..well the bartender figures he can snow him so he pours a
shot of 7 yr old instead..the guy tosses it back and says "wtf, this is
only 7 yr old I said I wanted 25 yr old"..so the bartender once again
pours him a shot but it's only 12 yr old scotch...the guy tosses it back
and says,"c'mon buddy..I'm not stupid, this is only 12 yr old"..so
finally the bartender relents and pours a shot of 25 yr old..the guy
tosses it back and says, "Now THAT'S 25 yr old scotch"...an old gut at
the end of the bar slides a shot glass at him asnd says, "try that
buddy"..the guy tosses it back and says, "ewwwwwww this tastes like
piss.". the old guy at the end of the bar says, "yeah, but can you tell
how old I am"

WHY DID THE REDNECK CROSS THE ROAD?
CAUSE HIS DICK WAS STUCK IN THE CHICKEN

What is the difference between a freezer and a womens pussy hole?
When you pull the meat out of a freezer it doesn’t fart....lllolollloool

why did the chicken cross the road?

To escape war, murder, communist oppression....oh wait, n/m..that was a
Chechyn

someone told me this today. a blond walks into a store and says i want
to but that t.v and the clerk says sorry mam but we don't sell stuff to
dumb blonds, so she goes home and dyes her hair red ans goes back and
says to the clerk i'd like to buy that tv and the clerk says sorry mam
but we don't seel things to dumb blonds so she goes home and dyes her
hair black and goes back and tells the clerk i would like to buy that tv
and the clerk says sorry mam but we don't seel merchandise to dumb
blonds so she goes home again and shaves her head and goes back and says
i want to buy that tv and the clerk says sorry mam but we don't sell
things to dumb blonds and the blond says i've been in here with 2
different hair colors, how do you know that i am blond? and the clerk
says," mam, that's a microwave"

what do you call 10 blonds standing holding hands in a circle?
a dope ring

father mccray was new in the parish and as it turns out his parish was
right smack dab in the middle of the red light district....no every day
he would go for an evening walk down the street and everyday for about
two mounths he would get propositioned for a blow job.now being a man of
the cloth and being raised so strictly he didnt have any idea of what
one was so he finally got fed up and asked sister mary what a blowjob
was and she replied five bucks same as down the corner

Q: what do u say when there thre women & one man in a room for the whole
night?

A: one hell of a long night of fun

Q: what would u say to the women who has a cherry in her hand & her
pussy smells real wet?

A: I guess that cherry was real good for u.

Q what would u say to a man when it is so cold out.

a: when the man cum it is frozen when he jackoff.

Q: what do u say to a man when that r showing u there home
& one of the rooms there is a mirror across from the
corner of the bed.

A: uuummm is that a jackoff mirror or what man.

do you know how pinoccio found out he was made of wood?
his hand caught on fire

do you know what has seven arms and sucks?
def leppard

a man comes into a bar, sits down, and orders 5 shots of vodka. the
bartender searves him and watches as the man downs each one. the
bartender ask why all the shots. the man tells him, "i had my first
blow job today." the bartender says congradulatiosn and gives him
another shot on the house. the man drinks it and says, "Damn, still
can't get rid of the taste!"

here's an oldie but goodie.

when clinton was president he aproached the door to the white house with
a piglet under each arm. the marine guardin the door at his aproach
says, "nice pigs mr. president." clinton says, "son, these r not pigs.
they r genuine arkansas razorbacks. i got 1 for hillery and 1 for
chelsey." the marine replied, "nice trade sir!"

ya know how many blonde jokes there actually are?
NONE...they's all true stories ;-)