ok peeps do not freak out on me!!!
I am not seekin pitty or nothin of that nature...

The girl in me


Growing up I never new what being wanted and being loved felt like. I suppose it was due to all the physical, emotional , and yes sexual abuse I endured as a child.I have only begun to travel the feirce journey of the torcherous haunting I have from each of my abusers.
Seems like they are coming more often now.I believe its the worry of a mother bringing it back to surface.

I have often struggled with the opposite sex.
Its hard to trust a wolf when he has turned on you.Never knowing when the next strike is going to take place. Trying to run to the shelter from the beast that craves your fear. Who, for some sick reason likes to see the fear in your eyes as he paces back and forth , with the satisfaction of watching you shake in terror!

I have alot of self esteam issues. I am sure it has something to do with never being told those three beautiful words .Or maybe its due to the lack of worth any one had in me. Its a dark and sunless missery to be placed in a cellar of self hate for the person you are.

I have guilt ! Oh the guilt for terrible things I have done to my sibling and others I deeply Love.There is only one thing worse than feeling unloved, that my friend would be the price you pay for addiction. I would NEVER wish that on one poor soul.

Trust is not easy for me to give. I often wonder about why I should trust anyone. Each time I come up with the most relivent answers. No one wants to be this way. We, those of us who have these charactoristics, have never had the peace in our hearts to trust.

To find that and True Love would be the most awsome gifts God could ever give to this unworthy human....


please no freak outs!!!
I did ask Don and he said to try it and I hope I haven't made anyone mad.... I just felt like writng ...ok...

Wonderful job

Excellent write, thank you for sharing.

nice

u have mail....

thank you, and this is why we're here, for your support.

thank you!

Wonderful read.

Well thank you I guess....LOL

I can relate so well with everything you wrote...almost brought tears to my eyes because I feel your pain. I can tell by your posts that you are a wonderful person and so worthy. I believe the secret to happiness is to learn to love, trust and forgive yourself most of all and the rest will eventually come when youre ready......Take good care.

Never think you are unworthy for you are worth more then you will ever know. Yes you may be fighting the demons of the past within but one must start somewhere to get ahead. You know what the demons are and why you had the actions in life with some things. It is all understandable the past is not an easy thing to deal with. For a person to write them upon the page helps put things before them so they can deal with the past. Keep writing it is the greatest therapy.

Within these walls you will never be put down for writing what is within your heart and soul.

It takes a brave person to come forward and admit the past. My heart goes out to you. Feel sorry no I'm proud of you for what you have taken the time and put here upon the page.

I didn't wanna cry

Thank you for your touching words

darling, you put your heart out there, took a big chance. you trusted...right there, you trusted us. as owl said, we are here for you. email me anytime you need me....xoxoxoxox

Awww.... Damn ! I guess I did trust ya'll
Madmx

yes babygirl you did!!! im proud of you. especially in here it can be brutal. you put your heart right on out there with no fear!!! kudos to you sweetness!!!

trust issues is a huge problem with me. its created a prison so to speak in which i have to live. i have isolated myself from relationships and possibilities. its lonely and tough sometimes.

forgive others...not for them but for you. if you dont, they still have control over your life, your thoughts and your heart! then most important, forgive yourself! love yourself! hold you head high. you are worthy and deserving as anyone else on this earth. you are beautiful inside and out. never ever let anyone tell you or make you feel any different. there is beauty in every creature. some people do not take the time to see it, that is unfortunate for them. xoxoxoxox

Oh Madamx!!! You are so kind! And I will work on your advice! I do have some questions for you though... Maybe I should email them....don't want too many ppl gettin nosie..
Much love from me to you Madamx!! Much Love!

you sweetie can email me anytime about anything