sitting here with the hippies, drinking capt'n and crying... smoking a third cig... i have been smoking 1 cig a day for the past month and a half... and today, three. i dont understand why im so upset, and alone. i have everything i could need... friends, famly... just anything i need i have.
but i feel so afraid and alone, and i cant quite figure out why i feel this way. maybe its because my heart is like telling me im in love, with someone i could only dream about being with... and in all reality i KNOW that theres no way he'd want to be with me, i mean like i said... i can only dream. or maybe its because i can't stand being at home, i go anywhere and everywhere just to get away. and people wonder why every time i aquire $5 it goes to two bootleggers and the last dollar goes to someone to buy one cigarette so that i at least i can have a puff if i need to. and tell you the truth, the whole quitting smoking thing?? proally another reason im so ****ing out of it and not myself. and the ****ed up thing is, i was only quitting to better myself for the someone who could never love me, although at one point i thought it might actually be possible... but go figure, i knew it was too good to be true. and i KNOW theres other people interested in dating me. ive been asked out a TRILLION times seince i discovered he wouldent and couldent love me... and people want to love me, but im in love with this person and it feels wrong to go out with someone else because im in love with this person.... like the you know who situation, i broke up with him not only because he said "i love you" the first night we were "together" even though we werent technically together... and also because i knew i had feelings for the other person, this was even before i had established the fact that i loved him... and dont get me wrong, the dude i was with was a GREAT guy... absolutley GREAT... and sometimes i think of how i regret breaking his heart only to have mine ripped out of my chest by someone else... and i feel dirty even thinking about the other guy, but hey what can i do? it was all my fault in the first place... and THEN i know for a fact that someone i made out with in high school is interested, because whenever im not around our friends he asks them how i am, and where i am, and what im doing... and that in itself tells me he's someone i can see myself with... someone who cares. and when i last saw him, i told him about how i met the one im in love with, (which was cupid at the time...) and he laughed at me... his words were "your looking on the internet for love, when you could have come right down the street..." and it made me blush... it really did... it bought back some of the feelings i used to have for him... he was the ONLY guy ive ever held and had cry on my shoulder... which led to the kissing... and i KNOW things could work with him, i KNOW they could... the question is... am i willing to be in love with someone who dosent love me and be able to date someone i know has the potential to be everything i coulld have asked for and more, and eventually be able to tell him i love him without thinking about the guy im crazy for now... OR do i sit here and wonder what things could be like with the dude i can never ever ever have... and miss out on having something potentially wonderful with someone that does want me? what in the world, and why in the world i feel this way i dont know... but im glad some dude created blogs cus without them id proally die... or be dead.

I don t have the energy to read all that, but i wish u well

ok

If you split it into paragraphs , it will be a easy reading.

uhm, like i dont do punctuation and ****.

Well, if you want readers and sh*t... you might want to write for them....

haha maybe.
most people dont care in blogging as long as they understand whats being written about.

Ah, well, remember you asked for our opinions, here they are. I did not read what you wrote either, it was poorly written and periphrastic. Sorry...

From what I read the only thing stopping you from getting what you want is YOU.

You need to move past the one that didn't workout. What's the point of holding onto something that has no future? It will only hold you back.

More than punctuation, if you have paragraphed it properly, it will be easy on readers eyes.
1. A cohesive paragraph has consistent topic strings.

Consistent topics constitute the core idea(s) that drive the paragraph.
Further they concentrate the readers attention on a particular point of view.

Topic strings focus your reader's attention on what a passage is
globally about.

2. A cohesive paragraph introduces new topic in a predictable
location: at the end of the sentence(s) that introduce the paragraph.

These introductory sentence are called the issue. The rest of the
paragraph is discussion aimed at making the paragraph's point.

3. A coherent paragraph will usually have a single sentence that
clearly articulates its point.

This is the *point* sentence. The most common problem that writers have
with points is that they fail to articulate them clearly, and so the reader
doesn't get the point of the paragraph, of a section, or of a whole document.
Or worse, the reader gets the wrong one.
http://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~wilkins/writing/Handouts/paragraph.html

My Head hurts

I stopped half way through the second sentence ( I think thats what it was)

That is all

Entirely too much too read, give us the condensed version.

Are you in love with someone you have not met in person?

That goes without saying.

ouch my head hurts