Is this just a Southern thing or is it predominant in the Northern areas as well??
I am curious of the social trends and climates with regards to race relations. Specifically comparing acceptance of other races in a romantic setting between northerns with the "Conservative" South..
I've heard the phrase it's O.K to work with them just don't date them.. I would like to find out if this is a nationwide thing or is it just a Southern thing...

here's the deal that started this....

It is possible that more of my emotions are at play than my logic--so before or if I send this letter I would like to get some feed back

Let me paint the picture

You just got to Love the South—For those of my readers who don’t live in Atlanta – let me tell you the city is latently segregated—we have the CONCENTRATIONS of Asians and Hispanics in Buford, the whites in Alpharetta and the blacks in the West End Area and College Park (home of Soldier Boy) even the Gays in Midtown and Lesbians in upper Decatur-- these are the demographics ---- even the clubs are segregated there’s Black nights and white nights — this was so prominent that a morning radio show Q100 (white station) tried teaming up with V103 a black station to try and have a color mixer party—didn’t happen very few whites showed up.. Naturally with the online dating you are going to eventually meet someone who likes your personality, values and even the little idiosyncrasies about you but then abruptly applies the breaks when they find out that you’re the wrong color—

Has that ever happened to anybody?

After much thought I wrote this letter and was wondering if it was an over kill—

Naturally I am curious of John Public opinion.. Granted I do realize that people have their personal preferences and so do I – but I think it’s a bit different when you don’t even want to be platonic friends with the person that you have common values with because of color—is that too ideal of a way to look at things???

To paint the picture—she brought up the fact that she didn’t want kids and I did as the main reason why we couldn’t be friends..
Well here’s my letter

“”””””” No hard feelings-- I pretty much immediately picked up the disappointment in your underlining tone after you got my picture—your disapproval and distaste was actually rather obvious. There was a distinct abrupt decline from the tenacious enthusiasm that you initially displayed in your response (before you saw my pic) to the frazzled skeleton of the two liners that you will casually supply me with After you saw my pic. I simply just figured out that you were being polite by continuing to correspond with me and perhaps decided to merely humor me, perhaps hoping that I would eventually get your subtle hints--- Perhaps you just wanted to be a bit courteous about your “exit” –I certainly appreciate your politeness and do thank you for such—

I am actually accustomed to this, for we do live in the segregated South and one cannot denounce the latent effects of societal norms which may be sub-consciously imposed on the individual inculcated within this conservative society— (Not that I am saying that this is the case with you) But allot of women who are close to their families won’t date guys that they don’t think their families would approve of—and of course we also have the latent effects of non-acceptance of differences in race and ethnicities all blended in there somewhere—Plus as I said before I really don’t think your final decision of “incompatibility” was derived from the “Kid issue” as much as you claimed---I think that that may have been a sub-conscious constraint of yours which you suddenly deemed to be significant and brought to the forefront as to bolster your justification with regards to the denouncement of me being a potential suitor. Once again you were merely being “Politically Correct”—and once again I am appreciative of your cordiality.
Things certainly happen for a reason and seeing this interaction is still in the embryonic stages and no significant emotional investment has been applied, it becomes an easy task to regress and abandon further progression of this interaction.
In retrospect, even if we did forge some regular dialogue—your underlying "issue" that you choose to be enigmatic about would eventually bore itself.. I predict that your sub-conscious brain-washed mentality to consider a particular physical trait (or lack of) as being undesirable would of accentuated with time leading to the point where you would of inevitably placed the permanent critical eye of magnification upon me.. –In essence, cultivating a climate of a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. One that I simply would not be able to escape, as perhaps nothing that I did would ever be good enough for you. Within a very laconic period you would become an expert at picking out and highlighting my faults and short comings—this will definitely lead to a very unhealthy interaction…. It wouldn’t matter what I did or said, as your tolerance for me would probably be extremely limited—creating the un-equal and imbalanced interaction where one hand will inevitably end up doing all the clapping and hence a one-sided romance will ensue..
I totally understand your view point and why you displayed the cold shoulder after you realized that I did not posses your desired trait….. I simply just can’t blame ya .. It was certainly fun chatting with you my dear and I wish you all the best in finding you perfect mate..


Was this an over kill???

When I lived in the U.S. I found it really strange the people who would blatantly stare at my husband and I.....we were different races. I have never experienced such racism in Canada....its such a melting pot of diversity.

DUDE. Can you like condense this to maybe a paragraph

oh ya .. we aren't a melting pot. we're stew. plain and simple.

sorry for your struggles

No, I think personally, it was a sweet letter.

Sorry that she was too much a bigot to see the qualities you posses (like an education that allowed you to actually write such a fine letter.)

I wish you well in your journey. I am just now starting one myself and praying that it a keeper. (Never thought I would be a divorced single mom at 26, I tell you.)

I think you had a very well written letter and if I had received it, I would have thought twice before letting you go!

Best of luck to you!

Myriah

mmm...well. I don't know about all of the above, sounds fine to me - but that's just me lol

However, I had sent you a message of interest (to which you had replied) and it was because of your picture that I sent the message lol I forgot what it was that we didn't stay in touch, but it certainly had nothing to do with skin tone. :P

Don't know if that helps any, or really means much of anything...but I just thought I would throw it out there for whatever it's worth

ps .. you're gorgeous .. I wouldn't give a rat's ass what color you are...........

One of my friends likes everything about me but cant get over the fact im white. he only goes for latin *shakes head* I have never cared about peoples ethniticity its how they act and carry themselves.

My opinion -- you said what you had to say, and said it well. Frankly, if it was me, I might have been a little less restrained!

Other than the reference to brainwashing -- which always generates a negative emotional reaction -- I think it's quite effective as is.

Could it possibly be that she just didn't find you attractive in her eyes and had nothing to do with your color?

Again, I'm jumping to conclusions, but it seems to me that you're accusing her of doing something that may or may not be correct. Could you just be ultra sensitive because of where you live?

I live in Alabama - was born and raised here and I just want to let you know that everyone in the South is not a racist and concerned about the color of someone's skin.

I just looked at your profile after reading your long letter and you are a very, very handsome man. If I were closer to your age I would definitely be interested in you, but I don't look at skin color. I look at the person - his heart, his soul and what makes him tick.

Please don't think we are all like that in the South because we are not. I consider myself a true Southern girl with lots of charm, but none of the hang-ups! Best of luck in your search.

You have a talent for writing.

Sadly, racial discrimination is alive and well in US. The racists have learned to cloak it under more politically correct terms but it is still there.

As for racial discrimination in relationships, it can be classified as a preference so, what can anyone do about it? You would do well just to move on and not look back. If a person cannot get over the color of your skin at any level they are prejudice and you will save yourself alot of heartache just to leave them be.

Whether or not it is overkill, I won't comment. What I will say is that I experience the same issues with men who email/talk then suddenly realize I'm a larger woman have no interest. They loved me when they knew me from the inside, when they learned about the package I get dropped instantly. Nothing polite like, gosh I don't think we're a match or whatever, just running scared. Whatever. What I'm trying to say is that I understand where you're coming from, it hurts to be accepted for one aspect of our being but suddenly unacceptable and virtually verboten for the part which matters least. Then I sit back and look at what I do and don't like in a potential date/mate and yes, I have my shallowness as well. We all do. So I accept it and move on. That guy didn't deserve me, has no idea what he's missing and I deserve better. Then, so might someone whom I pass up for whatever feature or quality I find unattractive or simply not part of what I'm looking for.

This whole dating and searching thing is hard. Very hard. Don't be too hard on yourself, or her. I suspect she's ashamed for how she feels and has reacted but sees no way out of or around any of it. Give her room to save face and perhaps become a friend. You might both learn a lot from the experience and one another that way. Or simply move on and continue ot look for the woman who can accept you, the whole package warts and all. When you find her it will have been worth the searching. <I'm telling myself the same thing...not always very convincingly, mind you.>

((((hugs)))

come to england!!!! they would be fighting over you not with you!!