Yep, except I'm not too sure who e69 is. The others are can be very interesting in the forums.

Interesting is good!

And speaking of interesting, I was hoping that at least one brave man (or woman) that actually prefers a "trainwreck" would chime in. I'll play nice, but I really am curious....

KeepingTheFaith-

You would be 'Perfect' if you weren't too nice!

Im not sure any man will admit it......

Thanks, Johnboy!! (portnoy) I'm NOT ALWAYS nice....I may even tie you to those traintracks for that remark!

And Gypsy...you may be right!

KeepingTheFaith,

One thing to keep in mind in this regard is that we all think about what we want rather than what we need. Men do like to be admired, respected, and to be the strong hero. Not all men, but many. There are times when a man says to himself that he might want a strong woman, one who is together, confident, and has both inner and outer beauty. But from a reality perspective... all of us like to be needed. Rescuing a damsel in distress has its attraction. Being a rock or source of a support in some fashion has allure. I've been accused of being too strong or too together and that I did not need a relationship. That part is true, I do not need one. But I want one to enrich my life, not to make it bearable.

I hope out there is a man who can admit he has at least gone for the "trainwreck" once and satify your curiosity.

OK, here's one --

I met a girl named Angie some years back -- nice person, good sense of humor, but her life was a MESS -- family problems, drug issues, all kinds of stuff. I figured I could help. I figured I could "fix it" for her.

Well, I tried, and we were on and off for 5 years. The good times were good, but the bad times could really be excruciating. In the end, I had to admit that she thrived on being in the center of a train-wreck universe -- and I didn't. It was like, even when she started to get herself together -- she would get a job and start doing something with her life -- she couldn't deal with that for more than a couple of months. She had to revert back to "disaster mode."

It finally turned out to be too much for me. I admit it, I made a mistake, got in over my head. My intentions were good; I just wasn't looking at things realistically, because I did have feelings for her, and I wanted her to be OK.

But she's the main reason I will no longer get mixed up with anyone who drinks or uses drugs. I'd like to think I learned something from that experience.

Yay for male bashing!

Does a trainwreck in disguise count? I've fallen for that. A few times in fact. When I've fallen.. I probably stayed involved for way too long by other peoples standards.. trying to offer support to someone that was unsupportable. However, those 'other people' were not sleeping in our bed, living in my house. I left when there were no other available options that I hadn't already tried.

In so far as the question? I don't think it really fits reality. Most of us on this earth are neither completely trainwrecks or completely together. We tend to be a blend of both. We all have aspects of our lives that can use some work. Myself included. So I am not to quick to pass judgement on someone else's life unless it has a direct effect on me. Then my only judgement is in deciding if I will be able to put up with them and their character defects. So long as they are working to improve their situation..I can deal with quite a bit.

Does that leave me prone to being with trainwrecks? Maybe so... But.. behaving any other way for me, goes against my thinking and believing that everyone is deserving of a chance.

DISCLAIMER: Warranty void during any nuclear war. Post may be hazardous to wildlife. Adequate lighting must be used with this post at all times. Skin abrasion may result from rubbing your head on a piece of concrete. Do not allow post to come into contact with eyes. Reader assumes all responsibility for using post on plants. Shipping damage to the post should be reported to the carrier. If you are aware of other copies of this post, you must report them or else you will be held liable for them. You agree to this condition by reading it. Upgrades are always obtainable for a large fee. Keep post tightly closed when not in use. This product is copyright © 2001 by Jist Inc.. This product may not be used in Kentucky, Estonia, Innesbruck, the United Kingdom or New York. This disclaimer is copyright © 2001 by Jist Inc. Use this post only in a clean, well-ventilated area. Do not use this post if using any medication. You have relied upon your own skill and judgement in procuring this post, and therefore all liabilities for its use rest solely upon you. Opening the inner seal will immediately invalidate the warranty. You may not rent, lease, give away or get rid of this post. Do not shake this post. No user-serviceable parts are contained inside.

I think the "train-wreck" type of woman are more gullable. Some men are threatened by a strong woman.

Would you believe that my last relationship ended with the guy because he felt I needed to get "Train Wrecked"?
He said because I did not date much or had not the experience of many break ups(I went through 2) and men( 2 serious relationships 5 dated men), that I did not know how to create a relationship?

No bashing, goofball. If you read the post, that was never the intent. Many of us are here to learn from mistakes (ours and those others make), so this is part of the process.

An open, honest exchange. That is my hope anyway!

I think Lex and Jistme have good points though. Often we are drawn into a situation because we want to help, or it fills a need within us (hero, the fixer, that type of things). Interesting....

bah! I am not threatened by anybody. The stronger you are in any area other than just shear bullheadedness, the better I like it. "WHEN DOES THE STEREOTYPING BULL.....T END!"? Please God save me!

Hun, go to the gym! Not all men are into themselves there, but most are not intimidated by a confident woman. Just look other places my dear! Don't limit yourself.

Allow me to throw this out there as well...since we are all being honest here. The "train wreck" women might be gullable. They might be looking for that "knight in shining armor" who comes to rescue them. They could be going through some difficult times, and true, a guy who just is not capable of handling a woman who is as successful or even more successful than he is...that guy would look for the "train wreck".

But answer me this. Why the hell does it always have to boil down to who makes what, or who has the more stable career, the house, etc.? Why is it always about the things we have when, at the heart of all this, is the fact that it should be about how you feel about someone? KeepingtheFaith.....you said you want a man who is not intimidated that you "have it all together". Okay, well, with the way you worded your post, you come off as being better than someone. Not saying that is what you meant...just saying that is how I took it. Seems you are pissed at men, in general, cause they look past how successfully you have managed your life, and yet, they still go for the "damsel in distress".

I love a woman who has it together. Who knows who she is. Who is who she says she is. I could care less about who makes what, or who has the better career. That sh*t does not matter to me. But I will not want a woman who flaunts it that she has this, or that, and can do this or that. Some successful women can be that way, and I can understand it cause sometimes success can go to your head. But, deep down, at the root of all this....if a woman has it together and I want to be with her....shouldn't the monetary crap be the furthest thing from my and her mind? I think so.

Say what you will about what a man wants. Yes, guys do like to help. Yes, we do like to be the man who can step in and "save the day". But....some of guys like a challenge.....and we like a woman who can tell us what they want. A woman who is real, cause whether you gals will admit this or not...there are alot of "fake" chics out there. But what do I know. Guess I am a "train wreck"......in a guy way that is.

Agreed Goof.. Well said.

I really don't see where she had generalised much of anything. So, I'm left wondering why you seem to take the topic of this thread personally?

I really don't see where she had generalised much of anything. So, I'm left wondering why you seem to take the topic of this thread personally?


I think BigCurt is saying try other types of men; expand your options. However, I would apply your thoughts quoted above to Goofball's remarks.

Both of my ex's were trainwrecks. I guess in my mind I thought I could help them. I realize now that people have to help themselves. They have to want help. You can't save everyone is what I tell myself.

Maybe some peoples lives are on track, but other parts of them are derailed.

Honestly, I've been through many dating sites (This one is pretty damn decent) and Ive noticed that they usually feature train wrecks and perverts. I like my share of perversion and baggage, but there's a limit.

Meeting people through the internet just isn't natural. That's what they'll tell you. Would you tell someone you met your s/o through the internet? doubted, as it comes with such a negative connotation.

When it comes down to it, make friends through a site like this. That is all you can ask for. Friends are fine over the web, but real relationships have to be formed face to face.