I have run into a bunch of that breed. They think because I am heavy that I must be desperate. So I guess I am supposed to rip my clothes off when a guy in a dirty t-shirt and bad comb-over says he likes my figure. PLEASE.

For those who think it is a form of male bashing. This is the same scenario as when a woman meets a man and thinks, "He has so much potential, if only......" And then goes on to try and help him out and fix all the "if only things" to try to help him live to his potential. We aren't picking on men who have a need to be a Knight in Shining armor. Anyone who has been in the reverse situation can chime in, too.

We all do stupid $hit when it comes to the opposite sex. anyone who thinks it is only men doing it to women or only women doing it to men just wants to play victim.

hello whats the topic today folks ?

Definitely. I had a situation (this was after Angie) where I met a girl I liked a lot, but she had this need to try to change me. I was OK with it, in small innocuous doses, but she finally came out and told me that it was her goal to "domesticate" me. She felt that would constitute a major improvement. I felt that I would end up suffocated.

To this day, she is still one of my best friends, but I would never consider being involved with someone whose intent was "domestication." I know she meant well, but that scenario would never work for me.

what, are you, like, a housecat or something? I thought that was Johncarl?

You'd be surprised how many times that scenario has come up. I used to seem to attract either the ones who really wanted to fix or be fixed.

^^^True enough.^^^ Once upon a time, I was about as fit for a relationship as a mannequin is. My attention was paid to a bottle. That didn't stop me from marrying the woman I was with though!
Since our divorce we've had a chance to work through what happened and what both of our involvement was. Mine was pretty obvious. Hers, much more subtle. Thinking she could save me from myself was a pretty significant part of it.
These days, we are very dear friends. We both know each other so well, it is not uncommon for us to throw out what is going on in each others relationships. In order to get an idea of our own investment in the issues at hand.

Today? The relationship I am in, is with a very independent and self-sufficient young woman. On paper she probably looks much more together than I do right now. We both have our life's challenges though. We both are willing to meet halfway in those things so far. We both seem to be willing to improve in those things too. There really hasn't been much at all, we have not been able to discuss. Be it past relationships, personal feelings and stances on things. We certainly do not agree on everything. We have lived very separate, very different lives to this point. We have both been on this planet long enough, experienced enough, to develop a sense of self and an understanding of our surroundings that is particular to ourselves and our experience. Thus far... It seems to be a pretty good blend! We both seem to have something to offer the other. Be it new ideas, and concepts or attitudes and strengths. Even if we never saw each other again beyond today.. I believe I am a better person for having known her. If it manifests into something greater then what it is? I also believe that the relationship can challenge me to be a better man along the way... and hope she feels the same (just not in a manly way, though. ).

Relationships can offer a window to parts of our selves that we cannot see from our limited perspective. That information can be crucial in how we grow as individuals.

There is a saying often used in the circles I run in:

If you want to work on your character defects? Get a relationship. If you don't? Get a Chia pet or house plant. Maybe a cat or dog.

first of all...no self respecting man should ever admit to preferring a trainwreck-but we know they are out there.

and second...'captain-save-a ho', and 'i-see-so-much-potential'
get involved with people like that usually to compensate for their own issues...
someone in worse shape that can't help but make them look
more together by comparison.

Now this is interesting. Personally, I think it is a bunch of crap to assume this (Yes..I know this is your opinion) but might I point out that everyone on the planet Earth, man and woman, DOES NOT HAVE ALL THERE CRAP TOGETHER! So, assume all you want to.

Look, I am sure that men and women look for someone and they do all they can to find that one person who is just gonna make them feel better about themselves....in a sense that he\she is messed up and the person checking them out sees this and goes, "Score! She will need me, even though I am a bum and suck worse than a Hoover". Yeah....that is so what happens.

Reality check people! Sometimes you just meet someone and you like them for who they are...including all the faults they have. If people just look for someone to make themselves feel better, then we as humans suck! I guess those kinds exist, in a small number, but then again, they were never looking to build a relationship. They just wanted to stroke there own ego. I am babbling now....so in conclusion.........People Suck!

Goof has a good point here. I know that, when I would meet "train wreck people," it was never based on an initial idea that "Hey, I want to meet someone who is so screwed up that I can create an entire multi-year project out of it."

It was just that I would meet somebody, there would be something about her I liked, and, over time, all the "train wreck" stuff would come out. And by then, I was pretty much hooked, and looked at it like "Maybe I can help."

Had I known the whole situation going in, there are a few I would have turned around and ran the other way from. But people usually don't tell you ALL their issues that first day, either....

Both are good points Goof and Lex.



This would require some planning, I would think. I know a few that are like this. You can often find them lurking in the shadows outside the release door of the local detox, mental health clinic, or 12 step group... looking for anyone of the opposite (or preferred) sex that is wounded and looking for rescue. They are very predatory in nature and tend to be pretty abusive soon after the shine wears off.

I've never planned a mutual attraction. Never tried to be anything to anyone that I am not. In that...Sure, I've been in a few trainwreck relationships. At my age, who hasn't? Personally..I have no regrets for having tried. In the least, they were learning experiences about myself.

I've always found myself more attracted to strong, independent women with a strong head on her shoulders and the brains to match. In some cases, though, we can be fooled by a powerful appearance of stability, and it's only after being together for a few months that you realize that the tough, sharp outside is surrounding a hollow core with a few bugs buzzing around inside.

For me, at least, I intend to keep looking for the smart, self-motivated, inspirational woman, as I know that my personality thrives around that type of a person.