I feel upset and sad and angry.

I was going to my daughter tomorrow, see her and my 2 li'l granddaughters again. I was really looking forward to it! Haven't seen them in over a month as I had to cancel a prior visit due to a cold sore.

Now my daughter asked if my mum was coming with, which I hadn't counted on.
I've had some huge fall-outs with my mother of late. She's losing it and I bear the brunt of it. She's never been loving, understand, and appreciative of me, more that I've been used as her emotional crutch all my life. Even as a young child.
The manipulation & emotional blackmail I've had to endure are unbelievable.
As it is, I just can't and won't put up with it any longer.

But her abuse is getting worse now she's losing it.

Long story short it resulted in me now having to wait yet another day to see my granddaughters AND take my mother with me. Which is the last thing I want.
The way to get to this new appointment was far from pleasant, another escalation and more abuse.

I don't want to involve my daughter in all that chit so for now I'm leaving it as is.
But not happy.
Stress, sadness, which I immediately feel in my body.
Aching muscles etc.
And very sad she messed up my happiness about seeing my granddaughters tomorrow.

I know it will sound harsh to many but after all the abuse I've had from my mother my entire life I truly wouldn't mind never seeing her again.

The way she's losing it is fast. Not that long ago it was possible to have a decent conversation. No longer. She's not interested in anything, blunt enough to say that, cuts you off mid-sentence as she feels you've talked enough and she's entitled to speaking, never apologises and so on.
She's always been kind of like that, but now it's 10x worse.
And she's only beginning to get dement.

I've read this was hard on family, but bleep me!
If it is going to mean abuse abuse abuse, I am not sure what I'll do, but likely not go anymore.

Anyone else had similar experiences?

Where does she live?

My Mother took off when I was 8, lost to
alcoholism...married 8 times, had 6 kids,
abandoned all.

You cannot live their life, even after they
screw it up.

But, you can do wonders with your own.

Thank you, Soufie!
She lives in a nearby town, 14 kms from me, still by herself, not in a home or anything.

You also have quite the history, phew!
Isn't it unreal how many women's live have been altered or affected by mothers?

I'll just make the best of it, but cut back on visits.

Myself I have never had to deal with Demetria/Alzheimer as far as my parents...or grand mother...Mother passed when we were little, Dad had a heart attack at 74. Grandmother that helped raised us lived till she was 92...

But I did take a part time job as a Caregiver for almost 2 years....

I have seen what Demetria/Alzheimer will do to a person. It is sad to watch for sure..

Out of the patients I sat with I always thought it was a bit strange for it seems it hits the women harder then the men at times..

A few of the lady's according to family were never mean or cursed and very loving.. But once they got farther along they became violent, cursed like a sailor and very argumentative.. It is sad to watch and they have no idea of the change...

But not one of the men I sat with was like that... They enjoyed sitting and talking even if they repeated themselves a hundred times it did not matter just watching them tell their stories... They remember the past like it was yesterday, but at times can't remember what happen 5 minutes ago..

At times they would not remember me from the week prior for I only was a caregiver on the weekends and worked my regular job during the week... Then there was times I had some I had to remind them off and on during the time I was there who I was and why I was there...

Best advice I can give is read up on the situation, because down the road your mom may have to go somewhere for she will not be able to live on her own as it gets worse...

Actually have two friends that are full time caregivers with a family member it is a hard life when you do it full time ...

At times when they hit that stage you have to muster up a lot of patients while around them and remember they really have no clue how they have become.. And yes at times it is best to make visits short and sweet in order to get through the visit..

They get to the point it is like talking to a child instead of a adult.. It is hard on everyone for they get very frustrated at times too.. I have heard of some fighting others throwing stuff at them ect..

One thing I learned when they start getting that way, is to change the subject and find something pleasant they use to love to talk about.. To me that always calmed them down... Don't argue with them for that will only make it worse...

Actually one of my friends created a group page on FB just to talk to others that are dealing with the same situation.. And to give some insight of what she goes through daily with her mom.. It seems to have helped her dealing with the situation... As well as others post how they dealt with the same issues with their parents at times..

Thank you for that feedback, Kristi!
Much appreciated.
If she gets to the point she cannot live alone any longer she will go in the home that is kind of part of the individual senior homes she now lives in.
It's not that far yet though. Wait and see.
It'll be sad to have that happen as she then will only have the one room in which you cannot fit a lot of things. But it is what it is.

And you're right, women have this way more often than men.
Women have a very high risk of dementia due to hormone loss after menopause.
It's one of these big things, I believe 65% for women, that you can develop, unless you use hormone replacement.

I'm not surprised that in men it works out differently either. Lack of hormones also can make someone moody and/or angry.

I know all that, but it's extremely hard to deal with when it's your mother.
I think it's easier with a stranger as you're not attached to them, they're not in your inner circle.
When it's your own mother that treats you like chit you automatically feel like "WTH are you thinking treating me this way?!"
In a way it's like starting to say goodbye while she's still alive. It's not like she's completely lost it, yet, but I nevertheless have to bear in mind that she's not her normal self anymore.

In any case, I will see her again tomorrow when we visit my daughter and granddaughters.
Hopefully that's enough distraction to make it easier.

Thank you again, Kristi! VEry helpful.
If I feel I need it I will find a group on FB.