Has anyone ever decided to let go of their cat or dog? And I don't mean having them put to sleep, I mean taking them to the shelter for them to find another home for it.

I got this one cat, 13 yrs old, that is always causing stress. First for his brother, although they were okayish, he was never very easy.
He also is the reason I had to let go of my other cat Dylan 8 years ago as Bramble implemented psychological warfare. Dylan didn't come home much anymore because of him and in the end I had to let Dylan go as it was freezing and the poor thing was out on his own eating rabbit at an empty campsite.

As it is he became more of a grumpy git and difficult when Nila arrived. Bailey, Bramble's brother, was okay after adjusting, Bramble just a stress factor.
He's always been a weirdo, even in the litter at the time. The owners of that litter were happy to be rid of him, that much was clear.

Now Bramble was gone for some 2-3 days, stuck in a shed I think. It actually felt like a relief to not have him here. However awful that sounds, I feel guilty about it, but it was simply a relief. Part of me hoped he'd not come back. But I also didn't want him to pass away horribly, locked into a shed with the upcoming heat.

So I placed a help-advert online, and now he's back, ate and drank a lot, and he's acting up a bit as if he has to re-establish his territory. I think he's just a stress ball himself, easily feeling rejected or something.
Now I'm thinking, it may be best to let him go so he can hopefully find another home and be more relaxed, and my two other cats can be more relaxed without his stressed behaviour.
Will cost me, as it isn't free of course.

I feel guilty. But there have been so many times over the past 13 yrs that I wholeheartedly regretting taking him while I'd only planned on taking on Bailey (his brother). But I felt sorry for the git, so I took him as well. So often I've regretted that, however horrible that may sound...

Anyone ever had to make such a decision?

Not me but my daughter had to make a decision too.

She had a cat for 2 yrs before introducing another cat into her home. She wasn’t looking for another cat but she heard that if a home couldn’t be found it would be euthanised so my daughter agreed to take it in.

The 2nd cat was a bengal and I really don’t think the pedigree had much to do with it but she had problems with it from the start. The bengal wouldn’t let the original cat eat or use the litter tray and the original cat became very stressed throughout time by the bengal’s bullying. This went on for about a year and it became clear that the bengal would have to go. I know this was a very difficult decision for her at the time as we spoke about it often so she found another home for it. She has since heard it was thriving and wasn’t displaying any characteristics it did when my daughter had it.

I think if a cat or any pet for that matter, changes the dynamics of the home, something has to be done. As you know, all pets have different temperaments and it may just be that Bramble would be far happier as the only pet in a home. Some cats just do not like to live with others so don’t feel guilty if you need to re home him. You may just be doing Bramble a favour too.

It's definitely a tough decision Crystal, I feel for you.

I had a cat, Shabu, when I lived in Michigan while raising my boys. Shabu was, I believe, my familiar. In my situation, he wasn't a problem. He became the family cat, although he pretty much stuck with me and was very protective of me.

When I decided to move to Florida, I chose to find him a new home. Problem was, anytime someone (a stranger) would come in the house, he would protect me by biting the stranger as soon as the stranger got close to me or tried to pet him.

Then one day a lady called and said that Shabu was her cat when she was a child. Since I got Shabu when he was a kitten, I figured it was one of his former lifetimes. So I decided rather than have her come to my home, I would take him to her home. Holy cow, Shabu was thrilled to be there. He dashed out of his carrier and starting roaming around the house like he had been there before and owned the place. He found his new home. And he didn't bite any of the people there who tried to pet him.

I felt horribly guilty at first, like I was abandoning him. But seeing how content he was in his new home helped alleviate that guilt.

It sounds like Bramble is a solo cat, like he wants to be the king of the house and get all the attention, or to just be left alone while he lounges around the house. Giving him up will help that happen. It may be the best gift you give him, a chance to be in a home that resonates more with him.

Best of luck in your decision. :)

Thank you, Delightful! Tears in my eyes.
And yes, you're right, I think he'd be much happier on his own somewhere.
I'm going to phone the shelter tomorrow.
Thank you so much! I think my other two cats Bailey & Nila are going to have a more relaxed life too if he's gone, especially with winter coming soon when they're indoors more. If there's one cat causing stress then it's going to be difficult. All 3 upset & restless because of one cat...

Happy to hear it worked out for your daughter's cats btw!

What a lovely, and unusual story about Shabu!!
And that guilt... horrible isn't it, even when you know it's best for the animal. Why the heck do we then still feel guilty?? Weird, huh?

As for the bolded part, that is EXACTLY how I feel he feels and behaves!!!
And the part after that too.
The problem with that is that he and I never bonded much as he isn't all that cuddly. He does love attention, but isn't a typical cuddling lapcat, which is what I like. So to me he isn't the king of the house, I don't want him to be that either. So we're rattling each other's cages I guess, haha.
Bailey is more my familiar. And Nila is also very dear, my li'l sweetheart! Both are very cuddly and close to me, unlike Bramble.

Thank you so much!
Reading your and Delightful's stories helped me tremendously!

Yes it is an unusual story, haha. I had posted a picture of Shabu when looking for a new home for him. The lady sent me a picture of her holding her cat when she was a small child. It was definitely Shabu, very cool!

I'm not sure why we feel guilty, maybe an ego thing or a maternal thing. And sometimes they are like children to us.

So glad Delightful and I were able to help you feel better about your decision.

Crystal, glad River and I could help

I am too, believe me!
I already feel relief now that I've made that's decision, and mild regret. But I guess that normal, part of letting go & saying goodbye.
But things won't change if he was to stay since he's 13 and always been this way, always been an oddball.

So happy there's always support here when I need it!

GAVE AWAY TWO DOGS TO FAMILIES DOWN AND OUT. BOTH

GAVE SO ME SUPPORT TO GET THROUGH BAD TIMES

IN MY LIFE...IT WAS A TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN I NEEDED

SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TO LOVE.....I AM GLAD I DID

BECAUSE IT WAS WHAT BOTH FAMILIES NEEDED....IT WAS

NOT AN EASY CHOICE FOR ME. NOW I AM GLAD I DID

BECAUSE THEY BROUGHT JOY TO GOOD PEOPLE WHO NEED

SOME JOY IN THERE LIVES TO GET PAST REALLY BAD

TIMES IN THERE LIVES.......

pets take on their owner personality most of the time. my horse is happy and acts just like me

Don't ever take on another pet...

Have to say I agree with this ^^^^.

I have never given away a pet and it is not something I see myself as ever doing.

As for bramble .. he is 13 years old !!! From what you have shared it does not sound like you ever loved him .. just tolerated him . Perhaps he sensed that . Putting him in a shelter at his age is cruel. Did you consider finding him a home .

Poor bramble

Trust you. If you don't understand, don't even want to try, then just don't bother replying.

Just made an appointment with the shelter. Wednesday afternoon.
I'm shaking like a leaf, damn, this is hard. But when I explained she agreed it'd be best for him too, as well as my other cats.

Of late I noticed he's bullying both other cats, trying to get them away. Yesterday he posted himself close to the doorway and neither Bramble -his brother- nor Nila dared come in to eat.
Just not a tolerable situation anymore.

Usually friendly cats easily find another home, so it likely won't be a problem at all. They will only place him in a home where he will be solo so he can be king of the castle.
My other cat -that I had to let go of because of him- was gone within a month.
It will be okay, but this damned guilt...

It’s okay to feel guilty, after all, you’ve had him for so long. Just know that he and the others cats will have a better life due to your courage to re home Bramble.

Some situations are intolerable so it’s not like you have a choice as you’ve tried longer than others would have to figure out a solution.

I applaud you for what you’re doing!

Thank you, Delightful

Okay so, me as an experienced cat owner ...

First of all, I have to agree with Blondey. And this is not a personal insult. I never had any doubt, that you like pets.

But, just getting rid of Bramble, as if he was an old toy, is cruel.

I seen it so many times, a new kitten arrives, getting all the attention, and the "old" cat is just in the way and needs to go.

There is other ways to deal with cats, which show challenging behaviour. There is meds, you can get from your vet. There is also homeopathic remedies, such as bach flowers, CBD or Feliway.

As mentioned before, this is not a personal insult. I only feel for poor Bramble

Since you're experienced with cats then maybe you can also imagine that it can't always be remedied?
I've tried all those things, and I understand you feel somewhat emotional maybe, but please read my posts. Also, it has nothing to do with Nila. This situation isn't new at all.
As a matter of fact, when Bramble was a kitten he pestered and bullied my existing cat Dylan to the point I had to let go of Dylan lest he'd freeze to death outside. And Dylan wasn't for the faint of heart himself, but Bramble kept on bullying and bullying until Dylan just didn't come home at all anymore. Not for food either. Did you read me writing that?
It broke my heart to let go of Dylan who'd been with me for 6 years. But I had no choice, it was to save him from a gruesome death. It still pains me to be honest, it was horrible. But at least he got a chance to live his life out in a new home without being harassed by another, younger cat, and having to live in the streets.

Not every situation is black & white, Larsi, and not every issue can be remedied.
I've tried for 13 years with all kinds of stuff. As Delightful correctly pointed out, a much longer time than anyone else would have.

Since it is also clear from my posts that I have difficulty with the situation and having to do this I would've expected you as a fellow pet owner and lover to understand.

Now, with this tough decision, he will get a chance to find a new home where he can be himself, no stress because there are other cats.

It's not unlike dealing with your children. Now I do have children, neither you nor Blondey do. And believe me, I don't mean that personal, just a fact. So maybe your reactions are because of that. You learn things when having and raising kids. You give them what they need, not what YOU need. And that can also mean letting go.
To be honest, it could be cruel even to adamantly hold on to something or someone when they're not happy while they could have a chance at happiness if you'd only be strong enough to let go, even though it pains you.
That goes for a partner, friends, children, family, and... pets.

So you may say you don't wish to insult, and I believe that, but to be honest, it is insulting nonetheless. Especially when saying he's discarded as an old toy after I shared my open and emotional story over several posts. Sorry, that is very insulting...

Right ... if you see this as an insult, please be rest assured, it was not. You, and other regulars, know me as a honest person. Bit weird alright, but always honest and never insulting. Maybe my opinion is controversial in many cases, but if I ever insult a person, it looks different.

Anyway, to me cats and other pets, are family members, hence of the same value humans are. And I always feel a bit more pity for a pet, which I identify as the weakest link.

I appreciate your feelings, I fully understand, it is not an easy situation for you. But please put yourself into Bramble's shoes. How would you feel?

And what I suggested, was only one of so many options available for pet owners. In many cases, challenging behaviour can be dealt with, but from a very young age. And yeah, I read about what you wrote about Dylan. You always have to go back to the very beginningw. But it is obsolete to think about this now. Bramble, to me, learnt somehow, that he can bully other cats, he got stuck in this pattern, and now he pays the price. Unfortunately for him, and for you, and for all others cats in your house

And that's where our views part: they're at the same level as family.
I hear that a lot from people who don't have children, and I can understand.
But I DO have children AND pets so I know the difference. In that sense I totally love my pets, go out on a limb for them if need be, but they will never be the same as my children.
To me it's almost offensive to hear that since I have children. I think this is a bit of a split between people with and people without children. A pet is simply not the same, no matter how much you love them.
And again, I understand they can be a bit of a replacement of sorts for people without children, and I certainly don't diminish the importance of pets. I mean, hell, I have them myself, and have had pets for years, most of my adult life.
I couldn't imagine life without my cats. It'd be almost empty in a way. But they're still not the same as my kids.

As for Bramble, how I'd feel, again you fail to shift perspective. Did you think that maybe he's going to be happy as a pig in chit to finally be able to feel like the king of his castle and to finally be able to relax, not feel jarred by having other cats around?

Someone, a true petlover, just told me, you do this from Love, and this is something not everyone can do nor will do.
And that's what it is. It's very hard for me to do. I'm an extremely sensitive loving Soul who attaches and loves anything & everything very easily. So to still do this, for Bramble's well-being as well as my other two cats, I think deserves some credit.
To continue on this other view, yours: In this situation you would hold on to a cat even if it wasn't in his/her best interest. Meaning they'd live a stressful life and not truly happy. All because you can't let go.
At least I am able to do the hard thing and make the tough decision: give my cats what is required.

Again, this is something I think I've learnt from having children. Having kids can be very confronting at times, and you then learn you can't always have it the way you want it. Children don't have a choice, they can't choose other parents, but they sure as hell can confront you and make you rethink & question your views.
This is the same. Bramble can't pack his bags and move to another place so I will have to be the responsible one and make the right choice for him. AND take responsibility for my other two cats who also have the right to live a stress-free life.
I get that you may not get that insight, totally okay.

I am not going to argue about it anymore. I've explained what I wanted to say, and thank goodness there are people who DO understand and gave me support, which was what I was looking for, not judgement. It's not for nothing I started a topic on this ---> because I felt & feel horrible about it and didn't know for sure what to do. To then kick against someone in that situation is totally uncalled for.