Feedback please on how your conversations go after introductions with someone, how long before you ask to email, phone or video chat rather than on mingle.
What should you feel if you are chatting away to a person suggest a phone, or video call rather than messaging and they decline the offer and change the subject.
They are quiet happy to keep chatting on all sorts of issues, say they are keen but not ready for the telephone, video calls yet, thoughts please, should I be concerned?(been chatting a few weeks)

Hmm... tricky one. It depends on how you ask. If it's feels as a suggestion and asking how she feels about it or if it has the ring of a demand.
You can also tell her that you'd love to hear her voice. Voices are important. You can say it doesn't have to be very long at first, just a short convo.
If a woman is a bit reluctant I wouldn't push for video calls.

And then it depends on how often you have talked, the quality and depth of these conversations.

If it goes on for too long you may want to consider ending things. You are the only one that can tell (feel) when that moment has arrived.
You don't have to be abrupt with that right away either. You can say that you feel that it's not going anywhere as she doesn't want to take the next step, calling, and that you're beginning to feel a bit off about investing for so long while it's not moving to the next level.
Something like that. If she's still unwilling and awkward after that I'd say you might have to consider moving on.

Good luck!

Great suggestions Crystal! And thanks, your feedback helped answer a question that's been going through my mind as well. :)

Thanks, and you're welcome :)

When a guy asks me quite early on I simply say I'm not ready for that yet. Never had one disappear on me because of that. If they're for real they're willing to wait.

Good topic.
One piece of advice based on my own experience, INSIST ON HEARING A VOICE!

Try Discord or any voice app where you aren't giving personal info out for at least the first contact.

I get nonstop messages from questionable individuals that want to immediately get my number solely for texting, go to Hangouts or WhatsApp - they what NO verbal contact whatsoever.

If they don't want to talk with their voice, this is suspect and after about a month of the same thing over and over I almost left.

I did not want a sext partner, nor did I want hookups, if a person's expressing interest and they cannot let you hear their voice, move on.

So if a man isn't interested in hearing my voice, or talking to me on the phone. If he only wants to write, and seldom at the same time in order to have an ongoing conversation... can I surmise that there's something odd about that, or that he's just not into me, even though he says he is? Let's say it's been going on for a couple years, off and on, and every day for the past three months? I'm thinking that's way too long to not talk on the phone...

But what if he really doesn't like talking on the phone?


OP... Seems to happen to woman as well. Best thing I can say is consider the words of wisdom from those posting here. And most of all... listen to your intuition/gut feeling!

I've had many similar, text only with no verbal is unnatural, I find it extremely stressful and have never gone more than two or three weeks txting without talking when I've ended relationship possiblity.
I would LOVE to talk with you !

Personally I think it's important to ask yourself if this is okay with you. And why you allow this to continue.
I'm also not keen on phone calls but when I feel a click I do go for it. I also avoid being on chat at the same time, which to me is a sign I'm A) holding back and B) it's not quite right. When it is right and feels good I look forward to talking both online in ongoing chat and phone calls.

My last partner did a great thing. He gave me his phone nr and address very early on just to make me feel safer. He left it totally up to me, although I'm quite sure if I hadn't called -which I did hihi- he would've addressed the issue at some point.
So with him I did go for it because I did feel 'it'. The best 'it' so far, haha.

So does it mean something when a man is reluctant... I'd say so. But maybe just ask. Tell him how it makes you feel. And at the same time think whether you are truly okay with this or not.
Personally I'd feel rejected and wouldn't be okay with it. It'd make me feel I have to chase after a guy. I've done that too often in the past.
But that's different for everyone. But do give it thought. Where do you draw the line?

Definitely seems like a red flag, almost like maybe he’s… married? Or seeing someone?? Just odd no phone, and only seems to be online when ‘he’ can be. I’m not one to talk on phone right away, but that’s out of caution, not avoidance.

Thanks Crystal, that all makes a lot of sense. And yes, the main question for me is, where do I draw the line? And only I can really answer that.

We're not messaging through here. I gave him my email awhile back so he could send pictures (G-Rated ones) and about three weeks ago, I gave him my phone number since we're supposed to meet in three weeks. I thought it would be nice to hear each others voice. He did call twice, but we talked for less than 5 minutes, he called me while he was doing other things and had to go.

Red flag... yep! Thanks.

OT... I hope this is on topic and is helping the OP.

Aww, you're making me blush.
How about you message me first?

Yes, it is very stressful.

Thank you, I have to hear heir voice too.

Also don’t make the chat sound like an job interview, gotten that a lot latey. It’s a real turn off

She does seem nice

Clearly This is NOT Undergrad:

YOU can't see the girl's pupils to ascertain if simply looking at YOU seems to arouse her;

YOUR olfactory lobes can't pass on to YOUR frontal lobes any change in her Pheromone output;

YOUR olfactory lobes definitely cannot pass on to YOUR frontal lobes the high progesterone of her ovulation;

YOU can't watch her chest to see if YOUR presence increases her respiration;

YOU can't scrutinize her carotid to ascertain if YOU increase her pulse;

YOU can't see whether she is licking her lips more or increased other oral activity;

YOU can't tell if there is a change her voice compared to talking to others;

If she is seated, YOU can't tell if she has crossed her legs and began to involuntarily kick one leg;

YOU can't see if she is working her fingers or wiggling her toes;


At least back in the day at the old TOGA Parties, where YOU surrendered YOUR underwear at the door and were blindfolded... ....YOU still had some of this sensory input......

But SEVERAL WEEKS DUDE?... .... YOU have heard of a Dude named JOB, right?

Connections can be complicated as this article describes ...

http://i.stuff.co.nz/life-style/126541872/the-dating-diaries-the-weird-wonderful-and-disastrous-dates-before-the-one

I can understand why some are reluctant to give someone access to their private world , sometimes that can be uncertainty , caution as Bastet said , or not trusting the online environment (mingle lol) . There are of course deceitful reasons and hidden agendas . That said , if you are online to date or find some one for a relationship , there needs to be a progression of a connection .

If I feel a mutual connection with someone I met online, I would offer to suggest them other ways of communication instead of me asking them.

I'm a bit hard of hearing so I try to limit phone conversations especially when there is a bad connection or lots of static. I do use headphones and that helps but texting works better for me.