11 Types of Men Drawn to Internet Dating

Some men use the Internet to find relationships. Others use it to run from them.
By Suzanne Lachman, Psychology Today, 12-10-13

For this article, I used experiences that women shared me about online dating to describe 11 types of heterosexual men who are drawn to internet dating. I realize, as do you, that there are infinite varieties of men who engage in online dating for infinite reasons. Many more could be included on this list, and some men may fit into many categories. Still, in the world of online dating, some types seem more prevalent than others. Here are 11 categories of men you might encounter when dating online:

1. Just Looking

He fantasizes about a beautiful love life or sex life but has too much anxiety to actually let any potential connection leave his protective computer screen. He’s just not ready to involve himself in real-time dating with people he may connect with online. There are many reasons why this happens, but at the core, he is not ready or able to begin a substantive relationship, regardless of what his profile says.
Rather, he moves from one online connection to the next, or back and forth between many, and he barely, if ever, leaves the house. Internet dating enables him not to engage in a meaningful way. When he needs connection or the fantasy of a relationship, he can effectively “order out” for a date. By avoiding actual human contact he isn’t forced to push his boundaries or risk challenging the perfection of his fantasy woman with the experience of a real-life woman. For many reasons, it is difficult for him to make room for something real.

2. Wide-Eyed but Distractable

This primarily 20 to mid 30's guy is excited about the possibility of expanding his horizons and meeting new people. He is bold, tolerant, open, and ready to explore what online dating has to offer. Because Internet dating has been a part of his generational experience, he is more comfortable with it as a normal mode of communication and meeting people, and is generally more open to the process and experience.
Therefore, when he connects and makes plans online, he likely follows through, sometimes sooner, sometimes later. Either way, unlike the first type listed, he has probably had more positive than negative dating experiences overall, so he may be open right away or over time to a committed, authentic relationship.
However, given his age and other potential factors such as how easily distracted he is, once he discovers just how many choices he has online, he may become less interested in committing and more interested in continuing to look around. Nonetheless, if you’re looking for a fun couple of months, look no further. And it's possible it could expand even further.

3. The Experimenters

He believes that older women “know what they want.” He is typically 20 to mid '30s and he wants older women often because he believes that they have much to teach him sexually, and this prospect excites him. He realizes that the easiest way to access older women is online. He is typically at the age of sexual discovery and imagines that older women are not only more experienced and enticing, but more available as well.
This can be a difficult and provocative situation for all parties involved, so proceed with caution. Most assumptions about how you and he will conduct your relationship are not as straightforward and as they may initially seem.
4. Trying to Get Over The Ex
He is looking to avoid being alone after a heart-wrenching breakup. Sometimes he will admit to the women he finds online that he is using Internet dating as a diversion, and sometimes he won’t. However, with patience and fortitude, there may be the possibility that a substantive relationship can develop. After all, he has experienced love before, which is why he’s so heartbroken now, and why you encountered him online.
However, it is equally possible for him to remain non-committal when he is still hung up on someone else, so proceed with caution. Either way, these scenarios may take a long time to play out.

5. Already Taken

He wants to know what else is out there, but won’t necessarily act on it. Or maybe he will. Either way, he is not planning to leave his current relationship, but feels like he is missing out on something. Or perhaps something pivotal is missing in his relationship, and he wants to be reminded or reassured there is life beyond his current confines. Regardless, this is not a man who can offer a serious, consistent relationship. Internet dating is an outlet for him and he is not planning to leave his partner anytime soon, if ever.

6. Lost in Fantasy

How many profiles do you see that list things like amazing communication, amazing sex, must be in perfect shape as relationship must-haves? And how many of these criteria do you think are the direct result of the relationship he just came from?
More than finding a partner who will meet all of his hopes and dreams he wants everything he has longed for but couldn’t have in previous relationships. (This category may also include the desire to act out sexual fantasies and fetishes that couldn’t previously be realized). Interestingly, fantasy can be so powerful for him that when reality fails to compete, he finds ways to fade away. However, it may be possible for him to shift from fantasy to reality now or over time as he realizes he has to make some concessions if he wants to have a real partner.

7. Lies About Age

He is typically older, in his 50s, 60s, or even 70s, and is set on meeting and dating women significantly younger than he is, so he shaves years off his life in his profile, even in his "current" pictures. He may be very well meaning and truly believe that once he meets these young women they will be so drawn to him that the deception won’t matter, and the age difference will be rendered irrelevant.
However, starting a relationship with a lie—now matter how “harmless” it may seem to him—takes away from the woman’s ability to use her own discretion and decision-making power and therefore erodes trust. When she inevitably finds out, she typically finds the age difference and the lie far more jarring than he had anticipated. The longer he continues the lie, the worse the discovery is. Relationships that start by duping a partner don't end well.

8. Sooo Busy

This is the former Ivy League rower, now a neurosurgeon who has chosen the Internet to meet women who are likely on their own tight timelines. He expects to meet other busy people and have a romance that is incredibly hot and connected... for the 30 minutes every week that work for him. While he may be quite enticing because of how active and on top of his career he is, he has difficulty converting online dating into a substantive experience.
Often, his routines are crucial to him so he may fight with himself to make room in his life for a partner. If his tight schedule fits your own timeline or you’re okay squeezing the relationship into small chunks, that’s great (and it does have the possibility to evolve). But be aware of how often he uses being too busy to avoid real-world connections, because it can be easy to get caught up and strung along in this situation. For many of these men, work, routines or even children may offset any sense of urgency or commitment to engage in the messy process of real-life dating.

9. Finally Successful With the Girls

Earlier in life, he may have been intimidated by girls, but he has always been smart and ambitious. Despite his interest in girls when he was younger, it rarely if ever worked out. Sure enough, later in life, his ambition came to fruition—he became successful and got used to getting what he wants. He is typically in his late 30s through early 50s and may be divorced or single. Either way, he has come to realize that—to his surprise—he can now have most women he sets his sites on, and he hasn’t gotten over his good luck. Now he feels like a kid in a candy store. This may be the man that, just as online communication begins, asks if you’re naked.
Since he is used to getting things done quickly and directly in his professional life, and getting the girl now comes much more easily to him, he may not understand why he should have to jump through the hoops of flirtation courtship, and romance to achieve what he might view as a mutually agreed upon situation. Make sure that to the best of your ability, you know what you want moving forward, as he may not be ready to commit any time soon, if ever.

10. Predators

He dislikes women and looks for opportunities to shame or control them, typically as a response to painful previous experiences in his own life, or because his wiring is totally awry. Beware: He is not easily detectable at times. He is not in control of himself and therefore looks to control others through any method he can. If you come across him, don't engage.

11. Authentic Loving Partner

He is looking for his partner in love and in life. Maybe sincerity comes with a little baggage, but so what? He is realistic in his expectations and is serious about being in a relationship. He is genuine and is not typically sidetracked by the number of choices available to him, once he has found you. The question now is: Are you ready? Before starting a relationship with him, consider your own motivations for online dating.
It can be a frustrating, even painful process to encounter many of these types of online daters. But keep in mind these men may have become jaded and wary too, due to their own challenging online dating experiences. It’s much easier to be flaky and noncommittal online—for both you and for your dates—and that is in part why these categories exist in the first place. Without an in-person connection, the person on the other screen doesn’t seem “real” and that can enable both men and women to use online dating to gratify their own needs without regard for the person they have attracted.
However, despite these categories and the challenges of online dating, if you continue to act with authentic reciprocity, it’s likely that you’ll find the same in return.

Good essay I will read on computer

I've come across all of these types, some more than others depending on what dating site.
The dating site I was at mostly the 4 Trying to get over his ex and 6 lost in fantasy types are abundantly present.
It wasn't like that when I first got onto that site, and currently moving to other ones as these types are useless.
Nr 6 is totally focused on your figure, weight, indeed often kinky sex or BDSM. The latter I see SO often of late you'd think it's a BDSM dating site, hihi.

And there are actually quite a few nr 9 Finally Successful With the Girls men out there as well.

All this can make going through dating sites quite exhausting. A great many dating sites, new ones popping up all the time as well. But finding one that has a good assortment, and one that matches me, isn't so easy.
I'd probably have more luck on a dating site for higher educated but these are quite expensive :/

There must be more categories because I don't fit into any of those.
The study was probably done on a different type of dating site to here.
And skewed by the mindset of the psyche student doing it.

Due to distance, I'll never have the same experiences as those in highly populated areas, so fewer, and different type of interactions.

I have been, of multiple "types," at some point.


I don't believe most of these are "types of men."
Not to mention, all of these the pronouns can be switched, making them "types" of "people," which IMO kinda invalidates the article/opinion/blog.


"Type" doesn't really change....that's what makes someone a "type."

What's mostly listed in this article/blog/opinion aren't really "types" of "men" so much as phases, moods, attitudes, and tactics that people go through when using OLD.

OLD has two perspectives.
There is yours, and the perspective of the person behind the profile you're reading.
From your perspective, their profile is static, a moment in time when you read it.
You don't really see all the permutations or changes that profile has gone through, or all the different profiles on different sites, throughout their life.
You haven't interacted with that person continuously over the days, weeks, months, years, that they've participated in OLD.
And they haven't done that with yours.

The OP article/blog/opinion is only relevant, IMO, if you discount the idea that the person you're talking to, or whose profile you're reading, isn't really a person but an embodiment of the "type" listed, and is incapable of any kind of change whatsoever in any capacity. That their profile or minute interaction defines them.


IMO if anyone has participated in OLD sites for any amount of time they ultimately realize there is a learning and participation curve, a change in attitude, mood, perspective, and tactics.

IMO the article/opinion/blog in the OP is listing more parts of the learning/experience curve or stages that a lot of normal people go through when trying to use OLD to meet people.

I mean when you first started OLD did you trust the website or app? Or if you were using a website that started charging money did you search out other sites and immediately commit absolutely? Or did you fill in as little info as possible in order to hurry up and get to exploring and determining if it's "better" or legitimate?
Does that make you a "just looking" or "lies about age" now? From the perspective of someone reading your profile, if they read this article/opinion/blog, you are.

When you got frustrated when people weren't reading your profile, or you put in "no hook ups! no one night stands! I want something serious!," but now you've changed your profile to just communicate something simple and straightforward about yourself, does that still make you a "lost in fantasy" type?


IMO with OLD most of these "types" change over time, with experience.
So the article/opinion/blog isn't very good because it doesn't really offer any kind of advice or help on how to approach/interact/confront these "types."
I mean in the header there's: "Some men use the Internet to find relationships. Others use it to run from them."
All the article is ultimately doing is "here's what to look for so you can run away, from people running away."

I find it strange how people seek out stereotypes and boxes to put other people into.
Yet, when someone else puts you in a box or sets you to a stereotype you get offended?

Perhaps online dating is just like real life and each person is pretty much their own person.
What makes this difficult to realize is the fact we all have to use common words/phrases which facilitate communication.
Since people are all unique, common words distract from the individual uniqueness which real life encounters focus on.

Its the old Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover thing.

The profile is the image for online dating.
Reading or 'looking at' a profile can't tell you everything about a person.
You have to interact and ultimately, meet that person in an unscripted real life encounter.

Granted, there are certain tells in a profile but just like a person you meet at a high-society function who is well-dressed and well-mannered might be a total jerk and a slob at home, some are what they seem to be.

Ultimately, its up to you to choose wisely. In this electronic dating world you must use the tools as they are designed and make good decisions. The online dating tool is a tool which functions to give you the opportunity to actually meet someone new in real life. Its job is not to make your decisions for you or act as a substitute for the real thing.
Its not a stand-alone tool it is an assisting tool, meant to be used with the other tools at your disposal.
You can't set a finishing nail with floor cleaner.

Maybe the last one, but that's if one find such compatible partner.

This journalist/article is stupid! Who does not think this does not apply to women as well? I would not find this to be a good read.