And just so you know
I've hidden a bear trap in the pie
And nipple clamps in the jello
This kind of behavior will not be tolerated
You've been warned

When in doubt,
I always ask myself,
"self, what would Fred & Barney do?"

While it is true people exist based on past experiences (wisdom) and people exist technically in the past (speed of light, stimuli processing time, etc..) this is not what I am referring to.

Being as this is M2 forums, this has more to do with dating than one might think. I've heard it labeled as emotional baggage but its more than that.

People who were abused, had long periods of stress or unfavorable life circumstances tend to be preoccupied with those memories.
They tend to expect a repeat which jades their contentment in the now and sabotages their future.

Most of the time, the now is mundane.
Being able to exist in the now allows new experiences to be fully appreciated.
To 'let go' of the past allows inner contentment to be the norm.

In dating/looking people tend to expect others to be like those in the past.
Being in the now, letting go of the past, stifling expectation allow us to see that new person as they are and not as we expect.
That new person helps us experience new things but only if we let them.

Living in the now is so simple a child can do it (and does).
I worked on my home movies yesterday.
I watched my children at different ages and how they interacted with us, with each other and their friends.
As they got progressively older they became more apprehensive of others and circumstances.
When young, they tended to be spontaneous and reactive to life at a greater degree.

Years ago, I was carrying around a lot of baggage.
It just seemed nothing ever went my way without a catch.
When I started living in the now, I found things were not as bad as I thought.
I was able to understand the cause and effect which seemed to always lead to more stress or depression. I was able to make good choices which made me contented in the now.
I no longer anticipate the bad. Oh, the bad still happens but less frequently and to a lesser degree. I'm better able to deal with it when it does.

Nothing is going to change the past. I just choose to live in the moment instead of carrying it around with me. It allows my future to unfold without me sabotaging it.

Nice point
But others can lock you in the past
The act of abuse is often a spell to do that and more
How to break the spell
I actually think things like mushrooms can be good for that
Those skeletons that were in the cupboards, under the floorboards, come flooding out, say hello, say, remember me
You have to make a peace with them.
Not turn your back on them, and just attempt to shove them back under the floor boards
I've also heard, and can easily believe, ecstasy is good for this
The now is now, your correct, and now is beautiful
But the very act of aiming for the now, and being obsessed with it, can be tied in a knot, and prevent what it is you seek
Sometimes, it's better, when now, just creeps up on you, you weren't seeking it, you were, thinking, reading the paper, something disturbs you, its annoying, but then you realise, its the sweet sound of a beautiful bird song, and you stop, pause, drink it in, take a deep breath, everything stills, and you feel at peace, the horns, the engines, they fade away, the bird looks at you, you thank it, without moving your lips

I am imagine a way of thinking about this might be comparing it to a
movie remake vs. a new movie.

The remake you’re going to be watching and making comparisons, having expections,
pre-conceived notions all based on the original movie you’ve already seen. You’re
watching experience will be biased.

Whereas with the new movie you are just allowing yourself the freedom
to just watch it unfold. Completely unbiased.

Yes?

Yes, that makes sense from a dating/searching concept.


Living in the moment, the now, is not an obsession unless ya make it one.
The obsession is living in the past, in a state of apprehension of tomorrow or the new things in life. It takes determination to overwrite the now with memories and expectations.
Living in the now allows life to just flow at its own pace.

Lets say someone grew up being emotionally abused.
Even after the emotional abuse ends, they tend to live expecting to be emotionally abused by those they meet. Their trepidation persists even tho the abuse does not. Living in the now allows them to put those fears in the past where they belong. It allows them to find contentment in life instead of being shackled by the past and imposing their expectations on their future.

Living in the now is helped by the past (life experiences, education, training) which hopefully gives us the wisdom and knowledge to plan for the future as best we can.

Alternatively, we can always consult the Magic 8 Ball.

Some memories afflict, some memories soothe.
Memories of lessons learned help me.
Memories of loss slow me down.

If I erased all the painful memories, I might start making / repeating more mistakes. But I might also be much happier.

A digital brain would be good, where I could delete the destructive folders and files, and flag the happy ones for easy access.