Very well put River. I can certainly relate.

Being a highly sensitive person is perhaps one of the reasons I prefer to be alone. Looking back, even when I was living with family after a certain amount of time I would start to pull away and cocoon myself into my own little world.

I can relate to your feeling that you prefer to be in a relationship and have had the same feelings and longing for similar reasons you mentioned. It's very short lived though for me and after some time it becomes more of a nuisance and bother than that wonderful feeling I imagined it to be when sharing my life with someone.

It could very well be the kind of jobs I work... I'm working positions that are highly demanding of my time and energy, everyone needing something from me on a constant basis throughout the day. Yesterday my blood sugar ended up dropping because I was an hour and a half late for lunch due to tending to the needs of several guests that wanted something "right now"... then I go to lunch and because there are empty chairs there other crew members assume I want company and proceed to sit down and talk to me.... The nerve of them, hahaha! This time it was my roommate and I ended up pretty much telling her to shut the "f" up, not in those exact words but it did come across that way.

You made a good point in your response to Igor about a woman's role at home. I do tend to take on most of the housework and cooking. I love cooking and tending to the house and my man's needs... also short lived because after several weeks or months of working a 40+ hour a week job the things I love to do at home end up feeling like duties and expectations... sometimes, a lot of times when I work tons of hours, I don't feel like doing all that stuff when I get home. I'm exhausted and just want to be left alone.

Working full time and maintaining a relationship doesn't seem to work well for me, I end up sacrificing something and it's usually me. I end up feeling pulled in a million directions and have difficulty regrouping and clearing the energy from all the people I've been around all day long.

Maybe I need to find a job that doesn't involve people if I'm going to consider being in a relationship. Work in a quiet little room in a basement somewhere, then when I get home I will be more likely to want the company of another, haha. It takes me an hour or two to regroup after working a long day... the down time I very much need. Add that to the 9 or 10 hours I'm working at this particular job and it's about time for bed... "Sorry honey, don't have the energy to cook and you can do your own laundry, and now it's time to sleep so no conversation either" is basically how my day ends up being. Not exactly relationship material or ingredients for success.

And now it's time to get ready for work, haha. I do believe when and if the right man for me comes along, and I'm the right one for him, that most of what I'm feeling will go away and it won't be so short lived. It will be more of a feeling that I want to share my life with someone rather than I'd just like a little company.

Great post Crystal... it's giving me lots of food for thought.

Thank you Poetry

This. But there is limits. The kitchen, for example. When I am cooking, nobody is allowed near me. I am a weirdo there.

I don't fear losing anything. I've lost everything, several times, so that's not a fear of mine. My plate is full right now and by the time I have room for more, it will be too late to change my ways and what not. For me it's not so much I like being single as it is that I've accepted it as a permanent status.

Haha, that's cute. And a man who naturally assumes he's going to do the cooking is not too bad, lol.

Yeah. I might be a bit odd. I can do almost everything in the house. But prefering home cooked meals also means, I am not really a person who likes going out to pubs, niteclubs, cinemas, etc. I am a weirdo alright

@ River, yes, I think in your case it has a lot to do with work. And like you said: when the right guy comes along and you fall in love all these things change on the spot.
I think working with people could be fine as long as it's not work where you get hassled for things all day long. I couldn't handle that either, that's why I gave up teaching. Got a burnout, too much. I used to get home and have my own teenage kids and their friends in the house. Was like being back at work. It didn't make a nice mother, haha.

What I have noticed for myself it is also a matter of giving too much. Caring too much. As a teacher I took on extra work by making things myself, which was great fun, but cost me a lot of time and energy. No one told me to do this, it was my own doing. My own desire to improve methods that don't work, so I prefer to create my own. But it wore me out.
So working with people is fine, for me that is, I actually enjoy it and in a way need it even. But it shouldn't be something that is too demanding, like guest whinging and whining and asking for things all the time / regularly. Even at work I need 'down time'. I can still work, but just a break from dealing with people for a bit. Maybe that's why I prefer work that offers variety?

Why? Hardly anyone goes to a nightclub over here, I don't know anyone, never heard of anyone going there, nor do I know a nightclub. It's pretty much sex based isn't it? I know in America it's quite common, not so much over here.
I rarely go to the cinema, occasionally to a pub but not like sit at the bar to hoist drinks. Not my scene. Only when there's live music and I like the band. I go for the music, the band, bit of dancing, the sense of togetherness when there's a nice band playing :) I also prefer home-cooked meals, although I can seriously enjoy dining out.
To be honest, I find it quite normal to be like that?
I can enjoy going to the places you mention -except for the nightclub- but it seldom happens, which is fine by me. If that makes you weird, then I'm weird too, haha.

Feeling you are too set in your ways... you hear that a lot.
I wonder if that is just a thought, a conviction, based on something else, or if you'd actually be too set in your ways.
Always makes me think if I'd have that problem but I don't think so. It has a lot to do with being flexible, and being flexible has a lot to do with being happy and having inner strength.
In a way I'm more curious with a new partner to learn how he does things. With my last partner I experienced the same thing from him.
This is not to judge you in any way btw. What you say just makes me think how I am concerning that :)

Nightclubs in Ireland are like late night bars. Nothing sex based Maybe they are called nightclubs, because they are open all night.

I understand it could be that over here too. But it is mostly associated with a place that's open until late/all night that is about erotic 'entertainment'. Hostesses, prostitutes, striptease. That sort of thing.

Oh well, whatever variety, not for me, haha. When it comes to pubs I'm more for the Irish type of pub. Not that I know them that well, have only been to 2 I think, hihi. But nice, lots of dark wood, tables & chairs, one had a hearth and settees around it and so on.
More the 'gemütlich" kind of thing. What we call a 'bruin café' (Brown café, likely cos of the dark wood). Having a bit of a family-feel or something. YOu prolly know what I mean.

here are mostly system made users

As we can see from some of the posts here, some of us have our own life schedules that keep us very busy and when there is down time, we aren't very interested in sharing that time. Doesn't much matter if it is a family member, a significant other, or a friend, we just aren't interested in those time demands they make.

Yes, it is nice to share some time with someone else, but it can easily become too demanding and destroy a relationship if the other half needs a higher emotional level of involvement. Can that other person accept that you are busy and they won't see or hear from you for several days or more? Do they need daily emotional reinforcement of your interest? What happens if you don't answer a text until tomorrow or the next day?

Kinda makes sense that flexibility and happiness correlate. That's kind of what I was thinking too. I don't think inner strength has any thing to do with it, unless you're trying to make a change, but I'm not trying to change my flexibility. I'm just concerned with things that are more important to me than a relationship.

Well, quite simple... you either stay single or, if you do want a relationship, you have to attract a partner who's not so needy.
Not sure about your age group, but with younger generation there's plenty of women who have lots to do themselves and don't need to be glued at the hip.
I think it's different if in the beginning the man -or perhaps in some situations the woman- does spend a lot of time with the new partner and then suddenly starts withdrawing to do his own thing. Then you'd change the perimeters of how you got to know each other and projected what it'd be like. Basically like making out to believe it is "A" and then after a few weeks turning it into "K" out of the blue.
In such cases it's natural for people to get off-kilter. And when someone's off-kilter they tend to need more confirmation.
I think it all hinges with wanting a relationship or not. If you don't really it's likely to fail. If you do you also have a natural desire to be together regularly, and what regularly entails will depend on the couple's likings of course.

I find that women generally want to get into our gears and tell us how things should be done, we're men with real life experiences and I've never felt the need to drift into her lane to show her how driving should be done.


I fear being micro managed by her, as if she knows better

I find that *men* generally want to get into our gears and tell us how things should be done, we're women with real life experiences and I've never felt the need to drift into HIS lane to show him how driving should be done.


I fear being micro managed by him, as if *he* knows better.


Works both ways, darlin'......

My wifi connection