IgorFrankensteen..

The thingh that makes this so odd to me, is that she's a teacher...I don't recall elementary/ middle school..(I know not high school).

One would think one would get satisfaction/ feel a sense of purpose if that's your job/ calling..

But, then...there are cops for whom it's just a job they could get..and they don't have any particular altruistic motivations..¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That also makes the drinking odd....you can't be hungover and deal with kids..which i guess is why she's missed so many days that they had to call her into the office for a come-to-Jesus moment recently.

Again..I'm thinking it's comfort and routine and, hey..better the hell yuou know than the one you don't...is why it's the way it is..

That's what really gets me.
Yer in an intimate relationship with someone.
You share things with them you don't share with anyone else and suddenly, you can't talk to them about something as important as how you feel?

I've read it here many times and even say the same thing myself "You gotta communicate in a relationship".

With what you have said and what I have seen and even experienced, your friend and his wife are not communicating.
Somewhere a loving trust has been broken and not forgiven.
The thing is, you can't make someone trust you. You can't make someone forgive you. It is a path they must journey together if they want to stay in their relationship.
Otherwise, they 'should' go their own ways but I certainly am not the one to tell them that. They gotta figure that out on their own.

If he were to press me to take a side I would explain to him that I am still his friend no matter how it ends up but he really needs to figure it out himself.

I think some couples that are married for years grow apart . That can change if they both work on the marriage. Whatever the problems are, If one doesn't then it usually ends in divorce.


I know two older men, who have Never married anyone, they may have had an opportunity to but chose not too. They both told me at one time it doesn't work out for many people, when they do marry.

I wouldn't want to be married to a man, and he say I want to be single and live alone. Most men usually Date after divorce. Women may not and like being alone.for whatever reasons.

I've stated that what I've said...a couple times here at least...
"I also said I told him I can't really advise him...that would be wrong of me.."

Not my place to adivise..like I said...just be an ear when needed.

If i was married and husband said he didn't want to be married anymore, then i would want a divorce. For me, it would be impossible to live with him as a roommate and watch him go out on dates, etc. And no way would I be cooking meals for him or doing his laundry. I have lived with two husbands and I have lived alone. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. But try to hang on to someone, even if it is to split the bills, is not an option in my mind. Stay married and work on it, or live alone.

Let's put it this way, if someone carries scars from a previous marriage, it is very hard to consider another marriage. I speak from my very own experience.

Besides, why is getting married so highly rated? In the end of the day, saying Yes is no guarantee, that the relationship works.

Well, one would think if a couple has been married for close to 10 years..any supposed "scars" would have revealed themselves before things got that far along..

My first husband was a serial cheater...did that keep *me* from wanting to get married agian?
Nope..
I just got more picky/ screened more carefully..and it worked...I got a great guy for many years...until he died suddenly and unexpectedly.

I only managed 7 years. I was naive enough to think, matters would get better. I didn't want to see early warning signs. Maybe, if I had pulled the plug earlier, I would think different now ...

I am more than I was a year ago, I am much more than I was when I was married.
If I knew then what I know now, things would have been very different.
Thing is, now will never effect the then.

I am more than I once was.
I know more now about relationships than I did ten years ago.
My experience has shaped me.
I have a different way at looking at things.
I have a different way of looking at my partner.

Just because I am willing to allow my GF to say "no more" doesn't mean my values have been rescinded.
I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me.
She's with me because she wants to be, I'm with her because I want to be.
I can't make her want me anymore than she can make me want her.
A mutual agreement.

She is someone I care for, someone that I have a connection with.
If it doesn't work out, I still care for her, she's still an important part of my life experience.
If she so desires, she can end our relationship anytime she wants.
While I might be sad, I would let her.
Then I would accept her decisions and remember her contribution to my life experience.

I can only speak from my own perspective...

When i told an ex, that i didn't want to be married anymore...
I meant, specifically to her.

When i told the same ex, that i didn't want to be married
to anyone... I meant, specifically, as long as i had to see
her face, or hear her voice, i couldn't fathom a desire to
ever be married.

That's what my wife said. But she had a secret lover.