when we reconnected 4 months after our break up she told me she wanted to contact me too but was too afraid to do it but was really glad I contacted her. There was no bad blood. We bumped into each other a week after contacting each other and she went cold on me after because she saw that I was enjoying myself being with friends. A week later she started posting lots of selfies and hangouts that made it seem she was happy so I sent a text telling her that I was glad she was feeling better. She looked at it but didn't respond so i didn't contact her. We bumped into each other again a month later and she decided to come up to talk to me. After that i didn't hear from her until she sent me a Merry Christmas. I decided to sent one back and she picked up on that and we talked for about 5 minutes. Again she sent me one for new years too but i decided to not send her anything.

My question is that before she felt too shy and guilty to contact me but now she is initiating contact and trying to be my friend. Why is she trying to be my friend again? what is her goal?

The grass wasn't greener, so she wants back in;
or the money's running out.
Whatever reason, 4 months apart is nothing, why not try again, carefully.

The information you've supplied so far, isn't sufficient for a logical deduction.

You've said that there was "no bad blood" at the first meetup after the breakup, that you think she is "shy" in some way, and pretty much nothing else.

You say she "went cold on you" after seeing you in person, but your conclusions about that look to be your assumptions and guesses about why she behaved however she did, and not actual confirmed facts.

You haven't said why things didn't work, why you broke up, or who initiated the break. I have no desire to pry into your personal life, but the questions you are asking require that kind of information, in order to do anything more than guess crudely, based on entirely unsupported assumptions of our own.

For example, I've known lots of people who were described as "shy," or even "cold," who I experienced differently. Some only seemed shy to one person, because that person was so bombastically outgoing, that they thought anyone who didn't shout during every conversation, was "shy."

Overall, the most common GENERAL reason why I've witnessed men or women (or whatever) recontact each other after a firm breakup, has been for "test" purposes. Usually NOT because they wanted to get back together, usually they were testing to reassure themselves about having decided correctly about the ending of the relationship altogether. Sort of saying to themselves, after a short interaction "yep, that's who I thought they were, and that's what I thought I felt about them."

Recycling a relationship, is generally a very bad idea.

Exes are exes for a reason.

She was looking for her safety in you. When she found that she was safe with your friendship, she was happy. Also, she wants to be your close friend and spend more time with her. As she lacks in that, she is texting you rarely to get your attention. Nothing to worry. If you like her, keep her engaged with your texts and calls. Never show her that you are with your friends.

its been 6 but we reconnected 4 months ago

I've had breakups & stayed friends with exes but also we kept a distance between us. I can't remember which comic said it so I can't credit them but: "getting back together with an ex is like finding the milk has soured and you put it back in the refrigerator because maybe it'll be better tomorrow!"

ill share what happened. She broke up with me with the excuse that she needed to work on herself. admittedly she did have many stressful things going on in her life.
A week into the break up i delete her off of my social media only for her to add me back a month later. Her excuse was that she saw that i got hurt from a sports injury and wanted to make sure i was alright. But what was odd about that was she texted me directly and not over the social media platform.

Few days after our break up i asked her not to contact me because i had to work on myself. 4 month later i decided i was stable enough to reconnect with her so i shot her a text addressing my immaturity during the relationship and apologized for it. I immediately got a response from her saying that there was no reason for me to apologize and in fact she thought it was mostly her fault the relationship failed. We texted for another 3 hours and in that time she revealed that she really wanted to text me but AND I QUOTE "didn't have the guts to do it" and also she still felt guilty about the break up.

Second thing she brought up during our conversation was the amount of guys and girls that has hit her up during our period of NC. In fact she told me several stories but to keep it short she told me all of them were just trying to hit and rejected them completely.

Finally she opened herself up to me about struggles she has been having in her life. She told me she felt depressed, had trouble with friends, and overall having trouble with life. In the end she said she was glad she opened up to me because she felt that i was so easy to talk to and could open up to me about things she couldn't normally with friends or family.

The next night she mentioned she wanted to face time me but couldn't do it because she still felt guilty. After that we didn't talk for another week until we bumped into each other again. I didn't see her at first but when i did i hanged out with my friends for about an hour before going over to her and making short conversation. After this i went back to my friends to hang out.

I mentioned the increased social media posts because before we bumped into each other her social media posts were rare and mostly included quotes about self love and songs about break ups and love.

After this we didn't talk for another month until we bumped into each other yet again. I was with mutual friends and she decided to come up and greet them then proceed to come up directly to me and talk. she hanged around me for another hour before leaving.

Recently she sent out a mass text wishing everyone merry Christmas. I decided to just send a merry Christmas back since i sent one to everyone but her. She opened it and asked me a question. I responded to her question around 2 hours later and got an immediate response saying that she was surprised that i was still up this late. I replied with what i was doing that kept me up so late and said i was going to sleep soon. She wished me good night and i did the same.

She also sent me a new years text that i did respond to

overall it has been around 6-7 months since the break up now but this is the most confusing break up i've ever been in because i have no idea what shes after

If you cant ask her that question and trust her answer to be honest then who gives a ****. Drama and confusion can be more fun coming from a brownie mix...

Sounds like she enjoys playing with your head. Looks like she knows you can't resist.

^^^ THAT ^^^

She wants you to want her back. That way if she doesn’t find someone else, you’re still hanging around waiting. Plus she’s trying to make jealous but not sure why, could be part of her game or she’s just being mean.

And ^^^THAT^^^ too!

From my voice of experience! It sounds like you are dealing with a woman who has mental health issues. Someone who doesn't really know who she is or what she wants. BE VERY CAREFUL!! Remember this: you cannot fix what is broken with her, only she can do that. You can be supportive but keep your feelings in check. Do not let her destroy you!

First of all a happy New Year and Welcome to Mingle2!
Don't be shy to fill your profile. Here in the forums are some wonderful people.
When I read your story it sounds like a never ending hanging in story. Honestly saying, love should give you wings to fly and make your heart blooming. You don't talk about feelings, about love. Don't waste time to study what's already over. And when it's over then close that door.
God had a reason to stop that relationship! There is so much life and love waiting for you. Fill your profile, snap a nice picture, and look forward what will happen. God bless you.

Sounds like she's a pathological narcissist. This is what they do, it's called discard, and then love-bombing to get you back. It's a psychological nightmare. Do some reading up on it before you re-enter that relationship. You may be playing into psychological manipulation. Of course, you also, may not be. But do check into it first, so you will be prepared if any other warning signs show up.

It matters more what is your goal, what do you want, are you capable of enforcing the boundaries you want to maintain.


Then stop engaging her.
That makes it moot.