IgorFrankensteen

Welcome back to my place .....well i hopefully think the bloody knife analogy is a medaphor and not reality......lol. But now seriously. Let me say this. Jealousy is an emtion of envy. To over react means to fly the handle before knowing the facts. Sometimes what we dont know about a situatuon but wr allow our eyes to view perception without following up pursuit. Which leads to over reaction. My whole point on this topic is to see how cool and secure we really are or how jealous we become.

RiverSpirit1111

Welcome to my cyber mansion. You a doll.....im glad you posted here this was a case where your husband was really tired and just wanted to unwind. No cheating involved just onrnof those nights. You being secure within yourself and the marriage it strengthens your lives and marriage. Keeping cool sometimes works for your advantage as well as your partners. Im at this point now in my relationship where if my girlfriend say she a l ittle stressed and tired not tonight well i give her that rest. I have no doubt in my mind she cheating. Trust is the key.

If it’s a night with the guys, why is he dancing with a female? Why wasn’t I invited if dancing is an option? I love dancing. Why is a female the designated driver for guys night? Sometimes sharing those intimate conversations is a form of cheating. Coming home to a woman ready for passion and turning it down is just not the norm in my life anyways.

Lots of red flags

ActionLynx

Welcome again to my cyber mansion. Wel the questions yoj may have for the senarios are common. I like the fact that you read thoroughly and address things one by one....almost like a lawyer. I n this world we have good the bad the ugly. Im not a phrenologist but i did take up psychology in high school. The study of human behavior. Some people react to things they cant control. While others react to things without enough knowledge. Jealousy is an emotion that can mastered within change and time. Now back to pure english im take myself for an example, im 42 now and do i get jealous? I admit sometimes depend on who what and why? But over reaction....no i like to investigate things before i decide whats next. Assumptions will only lead to trouble. It really takes alot for me to be jealous. Im very secure within myself my life my contributions and my new relationship.

KitKat....

Welcome to my cyber mansion well the context is within you. How would you handle those scenarios?

For the sake of discussion, I'm going to make some assumptions in the hypothesis...

1) She has a car, or she takes public transit.
2) She did not come home at the normal time.
3) "Time passes" means substantially more time (as in hours) than it takes to drive home from work.

The rest of the hypothesis will be taken at face value.

So I receive the phone call. No explanation is given as to why she is late, nor why she needed a ride.

Red flag #1

Next, I'm left waiting for an hour or more past the time it should have taken after the phone call.

Red flag #2

The stranger opens the door for her, and she gives him a hug.

Red flag #3

At this point, both dinner and the bath are cold. I don't have anymore rose petals to set up the bath the same way. But at least the champagne is still chilled because I placed it in the fridge. Dinner is also in the fridge now, but the table and bath are still set just so she can see.

I'm feeling frustrated and anxious when I see the man who drove her home.

First thing I'm going to do when she steps through the door is examine her discreetly. Is anything out of place? Hair? Clothes? Does she smell of alcohol? I don't say anything about it unless I notice something off. For argument's sake, we'll say nothing is noticeably amiss.

At this point, I'm torn. I'm not sure what to think. Despite the apparent negatives, I've already noticed a few things that are reassuring. So doubt is plaguing me. So do I greet her with a nice gesture, like taking her coat to hang it up or maybe thank the man for driving her home? Or do I simply wait for her to come inside? I'm not sure what to do, so anxiety is building. I decide to play it safe by doing nothing out of the ordinary.

When she comes inside, I meet her out of view of the dining area and bathroom - which is when I notice no smell of alcohol. By taking a moment to check this, it also gives her an opportunity to speak first, to offer some kind of explanation. Let's say she doesn't.

I discreetly take a deep breath. Maybe she notices, maybe she doesn't. Then I ask in as level of a tone as I can manage, "What happened?"

From here on, I can't make any assumptions until she gives her reply. Therefore, I still don't have enough information to know how to react.

But I don't have a good feeling either. I'm suppressing my anxiety. I'm suspecting the worst, but I have no real proof. I'm trying to give her the benefit of a doubt. One wrong answer could be enough to set me off, but I'm trying to not let that happen. I'd rather have her see the table and the bath as my reply instead. So I'm beginning to feel emotionally drained by holding everything back.

Hey EyeAm, always respect. thank you for the compliment. I understand the men and women are different thing. Another guy once told me, "Women cheat usually because something is wrong, men can cheat simply because they can."

But still, there is an 'expectation' if you will, that comes with love and respect, which are mandates to any substantial relationship. That expectation is you do not hurt, at least not willingly and repeatedly, someone that you love. i had forgiven him once before for a similar situation because he had seemed to truly be sorry and working to change. This time, the idea that he thought it was funny, or he could laugh at having betrayed and hurt me, was the flag that we were done.

I think the Couple's relationship is in trouble and they don't need to be living together.

Seems like they both prefer single life and parting bar scene.

I wouldn't find Myself in any Situation like that. No way !!

Thanks and as for the question, I think yes. For example now if I am in a situation where I can feel suspicious, I look at the whole situation and try to find facts. I don't overlook the situation but I don't get jealous straight away. Maybe I am more calm now but still no blind trust in anyone.

ummm let me guess you have been cheated on alot and when you found out you also found out it had been going on awhile and everyone one knew EXCEPT you.

I agree EyeAm, trust is the key. That's nice that you and your girlfriend have that kind of relationship :)

You certainly have no future as a psychic.

I would just assume he’s tired and tell him he missed a call. This scenario wouldn’t make me assume anything.

I'm not saying I have never been jealous or never over-reacted.
Its common to people that are not in control of themselves, their emotions or have low self-esteem. At one time in my life, I was all those things.
But, just because I experienced it doesn't mean I haven't learned wisdom from those experiences. Rather than perpetuate a negative reaction I choose to change it.
I do understand how others can be affected by such scenarios.

Before I was married, my future father-in-law and I were out in the driveway putting an engine in my 68 Cougar. Being VA Beach, VA. There were always women walking up and down our road in front of the beach house I was renting. Well, one evening, a woman walked up to us wearing only a tee shirt. Only a tee shirt. Future Dad-in-law asks her if she's wearing anything under that tee shirt and she commenced to lift it to her neck, revealing everything, and held it there while smiling at us.
Then, WHAM the women were out of the house before we could think. Dad-in-law got smacked for looking and my furure X was on me with 50 questions. She was going to chase that woman down and give her a whoopin.

Then, after we were married (15 years) one night a woman came to the front dood wearing absolutely nothing. I answered the door (who is knocking this late at night) and lo and behold there was another naked woman and BAM the X was right there. This time, I asked the X to get this woman some clothes and invided her in out of the cold (it was 10:30 at night). Come to find out her BF threw her out and told her to walk back to home but she couldn't have the clothes he bought. So, we gave her a ride home. On the way home again, I was subjected to another 50 questions and accusations.

If it happens again it will be THANK YOU MA'AM. But, since I am currently seeing a woman I would still not touch. Chances are good that she would also give me 50 questions.

I NEVER messed around on my X. I never mess around on my GFs. The chances of the scenarios you described are just not likely because of my own morals and wisdom. Since I made it clear with this woman that if she doesn't want to be with me, we can end it anytime. I don't own her and she doesn't own me. We are together by choice and that is final.

ActionLynx,

OH Wow! its a lot of read but lets talk about it. Red flags is a good way to analyze a bad or good situation. Too many people today don't think enough anymore. Its like thinking is a relic of the past now...lol. I see in spite your investigation you still remain a gentlemen. You are open to romantic gestures for a woman. Being cautious is never a bad thing.

JustToBeHonest,

Welcome back, well lets analyze your comment with compassion....well a male be dancing with a girl at the club, well most heterosexual men at clubs dance with women. Not to take anything away from dancing with another male you do have our gay clubs out now as well. just thinking on a straight male perspective. Next, well the possibility of a female designated driver can happen. Maybe the girl he was dancing with seen he was way too wasted to drive at the end of the night and wanted to help. Next, Fars the romantic night scenario no...no... I can't believe a beautiful woman like yourself living that there.....A lot people in relationships and marriages lives that everyday.

Ms.Harmony,

Hey welcome back, well lets talk about it. Where I was getting at is the difference between men and women cheating. I give you an example....when men cheat is usually about sex or the physical & visual. When women do it its more emotional...not to take away when cheat for sex too and yes that's true but most cheat because of lack of emotions. If I'm with a woman and I'm not connecting with her or maybe stop connecting with her emotionally if she not loyal she probably going to find it elsewhere. Men lacking from a woman he go looking to re hook up with a woman that's nice looking, have a nice thick body and oblivious of his relationship he's escaping. He wants a sex....Look at Wendy Williams and her husband Kevin Hunter cheating on her and outright out with it too......

Ms.Harmony,

Hey welcome back, well lets talk about it. Where I was getting at is the difference between men and women cheating. I give you an example....when men cheat is usually about sex or the physical & visual. When women do it its more emotional...not to take away when cheat for sex too and yes that's true but most cheat because of lack of emotions. If I'm with a woman and I'm not connecting with her or maybe stop connecting with her emotionally if she not loyal she probably going to find it elsewhere. Men lacking from a woman he go looking to re hook up with a woman that's nice looking, have a nice thick body and oblivious of his relationship he's escaping. He wants a sex....Look at Wendy Williams and her husband Kevin Hunter cheating on her and outright out with it too......

ToodyGirl5

Hey Beautiful welcome back, well I certainly believe in the statement you mentioned " If you don't know each other than living together should not be an option" I agree, I believe in you never really know anybody until you live with them. I think it should be a process in time to move in with your partner. Fars the club scene can you believe its 50 year old men sugar daddies still up in the clubs chasing women in there 20's.....!

Neelamz

Hey Mommie, well I read your post and I support a thinking woman like you. Placing dots where it should. If your spirit tells you trouble listen to it. Its your guardian angel.