I met a guy online. We messaged a lot back and forth. He asked for my number and called me last night. We talked for about 9 hours straight. We were supposed to meet today but besides being too tired (got to bed at 5am), he said he’s very shy and it takes him awhile for the actual meeting in person. I’m ready now to meet.

Here’s the problem. He lives almost an hour away and doesn’t have a car. He would be willing to take public transit but I live in a small town where there is none. That would put the driving responsibility on me. We both agreed that we like each other but we haven’t actually met. Should I take a chance and pursue this? Please give me your thoughts.

Why doesn't a grown man have a car? And he's shy? Was he ever married? Any children? There is not enough information about him to make an informed decision. Gun to my head I say unless you're REALLY intrigued by this guy I'd pass. However, the heart wants what it wants.

Yes he was married, has 2 adult daughters.

I haven’t asked why no car yet. He said he chatted with his last date for 2 months before they met.

Is there a town in between you can meet at??? He could Uber and you'd only have about a25-30 minute drive plus your have your car so you could leave if it didn't go well

When a man doesn't have a car, meaning I will have to do all the driving, I'm a goner.
Like Geezer said: A grown man who doesn't own a car???
I find it weird as well.
Shy?
Is that what you like and find acceptable in a man? How bad is this?
I feel it's weird to be on the phone for 9 hours straight and not want to meet cos you're shy?
Have you seen photos at all from this man?

Personally I wouldn't because if it means you will constantly have to do all the driving and efforting towards being able to meet.
That's why I'm a goner too when a man has no car. It's nice if you can sometimes go places with HIS car and have HIM drive

I've done it once, very first date after my relationship 6 yrs ago. Guy had no car, I picked him up, had to bring him back to the train station later on too. Meaning 2 hrs plus the petrol it cost, and over here petrol isn't cheap like in the US.
Not doable. And you know, it actually P me O that I had to put in that much time, money and effort, even though he did as well as he traveled all the way from Amsterdam by train. Yet, it still didn't sit well with me. It just doesn't feel right.
But that's very personal of course.

I'd leave it alone. There are several red flags. However, I'm not one that is inclined to take a leap of faith. I prefer substance over fantasy and sweet talk.

You guys talked for ~9 hours~....and you never thought to ask about the car thing?
I think that'd be something *I'd* have brought up in the first 15 minutes..
But..that's me...you do you...


Edited to add:
He might have a medical reason he can't drive, ergo...no car.
But he also may have *lost* his license due to DUI's or something..

*I'd* want to know why...

He needed a raincheque for a first meet?

Don't pursue.

Let him pursue you.

An hour drive away doesn't seem too bad. Just imagine, he was living in a different country.

And what's wrong with guys who don't drive? Cars are not everything in the world.

But it all depends, how long you know each other. Making such a decision, needs loads of trust, which won't come over night.

That could indeed be an option :)

Also, don't be blinded by the fact you were on the phone for 9 hours. Depending on the vibe, it doesn't mean this is your soulmate. In a way I feel it's more of a friend thing to phone for so long, not potential lovers. Then there should be chemistry, flirting, a bit of probing & sexual tension, not the camaraderie that keeps you talking like with your galpal for hours.
But again, depends on the vibe, and I don't know what that was like of course. Just pointing something out. Long easy phone call can actually be a 'friend zone' sign.
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Cars are a HUGE part of American culture especially when you are not living in an urban area. A grown man with two adult children that doesn't own a car is a huge red flag unless he lives in an urban area or has some sort of physical limitation. It's just weird.

I can think of only five reasons why a grown man wouldn't own a car.

1)Too poor
2)Health issues
3)Legal problems (DWI or the like)
4)Over the top environmentalist
5)Lives in a city with great public transportation

Okay...
Squirrel nutz doesn't have a car.

Are there no taxi cabs, in that part of the
country?

People just depend too much on their cars. If there was a better public transport network, things might be different. But this is a sheer endless discussion, I guess.

Anyway, we have something like a car pool system in Germany. It's most likely college students going home or back to college, and want to share petrol money. And they offer rides in their cars for a low cost. Is there something like that across the Pond?

Perhaps his mum or ex wife can drop him off

In an Opel GT, how does carpooling work out?


Oddly, for no explicable reason, Opel is
my favorite German car manufacturer.

People sometimes car pool to work or children car pool with parents to school. Whether or not people depend too much on their cars is not relevant to the OP's question. To use a detestable cliche, "it is what it is." Public transportation is good in most big cities, but spotty in suburbs, and non-existent in rural areas.

I actually agree with klc ., meet first before sharing too much personal information .. that is just commonsense.

I don't know if you should meet, but if you talked that long he must interest you.

Unfortunately, many grown men don't have cars for whatever reason.

Be safe if you do decide to meet. Do so in a Public place with lots of people.
I guess he could meet you there.

I wouldn't pick him up.

My city has Cabs, City buses, and senior transports. Also
Train and Small Airport.