Thinking... I've been single for almost a year :)
And yes, with a smiley, because he was the most promising partner in one sense, but that's also why it caused me so much heartache and grief when it went wrong regardless.
I've never loved a man that way before, that's why it hurt so f*cking bad to have it go wrong.

And dang, was and is this a hard one to get over and come to terms with! I'm still not totally ready for dating and/or a new relationship.

But... when I look at where I am now compared to last year... I am GLAD we broke up! I allowed it to drag on for way too long, not understanding what the hell was going on. Meaning I was in serious stress from beginning of August till mid-November. And when I say serious stress I mean serious stress.
So when I got news that it was over it was both breaking my heart AND a tremendous relief. Relief that that stress was finally over.

So looking back... I'm doing much better! Relaxed, working on my goals, enjoying having both my kids near me -my daughter came back to Holland earlier this year!!
And no, I haven't dated or anything, but that's okay as I wasn't ready, not even for a casual date.
Now I am getting to the stage where I have to get over that last piece of hurt or whatever it is as I noticed I've developed reluctance against dating.

Can you need more healing than 1 year? I mean, we weren't living together, were in relationship for some 16 months. But dang, this one hit me hard.

Yet, I feel it is positive that I AM truly happy to not be with him anymore. There's no ill feelings, just that this is better.
I deserve better.
So this month I'll be celebrating being single for a year. And even though it was ended the 15th I think it's safe to say that our relationship was over in October, just that he didn't say the words.
And since today is New Year (Celtic New Year starts after Samhain = Halloween) I'm feel it's a great start to begin celebrating :)

I do hope that ifever I end up in a similar situation I will have the strength to address the issue head-on and ask "WTF is going on?" as opposed to becoming afraid and digging my head in the sand (result of having been with a narcissist for too long).

Anywho, happy to be single, happy with how far I've come and what I've achieved this year!
As for a new partner, let's go for dating first, having a bit of fun.
Bottom's up, hihi. To new love!

Congratulations!


There is no time limit on healing. Do whatever feels comfortable for you. I suspect you're not going to keep yourself out of "the game" forever since you appear to be a very romantic, sexual, and sensual woman. Go with your instincts.

Hihi, thank you And no, it's not my plan to keep myself out of the game. But sometimes I am getting a tad concerned about time. "Time's running out, OMG! Must find someone now before it's too late!" you know, that stuff. Total BS, I know.

Here's the thing, it's too late for some people before their first relationship. It's never too late for others. I know it sounds cliche, but that's the truth of the matter.

The more you loved the more you grieve.
It means at least YOU did it right.
When you are ripe again, you will know it.

True, thank you!

Good point, thanks!
And yes, I was actually quite chuffed that I could love that way still as it meant the narcissist I spent 10 yrs with didn't 'break' me, hihi.
I can feel myself get closer to wanting love again, a relationship, but it's not consistent yet. I still go back and forth from 'sod it!' to 'where the bleep is this man?!" Haha

Fact that after filling out my search perimeters dating sites tell me "You are looking for a unicorn!" doesn't help.
But in another sense it does as it means I am looking for something special, and I AM.
And the way I figure is, "I know I am a perfect match for what I am looking for as I have the quality myself as well. Since I am alive & kicking, this man exists as well!"
Just as long as he don't have a horn on his forehead, haha

Congrats! Just take your time and ease back into the dating world again when you feel the time is right, there is no timetable. Most importantly have fun!

I just had my 13th DIVORCE-AVERSARY

always toast to it.

I am considering getting a paid-for membership on the largest national dating-site. Not sure yet. I don't want to pay and then slip into a longer phase of 'sod it!' and have my paid-for membership go to waste, haha.
I have already registered, a free membership, which means you cannot do anything much. I can look around though to check the 'assortment', hihi. Also quite nice to find out you're in the right 'shop' before you pay.

Well you look better every day AND you look recovered ;-)
Man I hope your new paid site has a deep base where you live.
Oh and they can hide their horns ;-)

You have a good attitude, Crystal. I'm sure great things will come your way. Happy New Year!

Thank you, Cat, really sweet!

Haha, thank you, Soufie :)

I'd like to make a toast


Up theirs!

stop holding out for the perfect jolly green giant and you will have a larger search pool

Someone told me once, when you're looking for a life partner, "Don't settle". Look for what is important to you.

so true cat. as long as you are not searching for something made of unobtainium

It wasn't a green Ogre, they spoke of a Unicorn :)

It has nothing to do with height either, plenty of tall guys around. This is Holland, people are way taller on average than Americans.
I checked what search option would make the pool larger, and it was level of education. Not looking for a diploma, but the same level of IQ & EQ, and that's where the pool gets thinner.
Which means that those dating-sites were the wrong pools to fish in for me.
Sorry to see you feel sour...