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| Topic: Why do some people believe it is easier | |
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The only thing that I think is easier about online stuff, is that people online openly CLAIM to be unmarried and looking for mates. In the "real world," I have to GUESS. That is true. I was never one to give that much thought even when I was single. I just like interacting with interesting people be it for a moment or enough time to get to know the person and their story. |
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Edited by
Tony
on
Tue 10/30/18 05:35 PM
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People believe it is easier because they are in love. They can do everything even the impossible, just saying...
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I realized my approach online was never much different than in the real world. Would I just walk up to someone in the real world, and say "Hi!?" Probably not. I'm more likely to start a conversation based on things that are happening around me ("Did you just see that?") I'm essentially the same here. In the final analysis, at least for me, the lack of non-verbal cues in this medium always made it more difficult to see into the soul... In most cases non verbal communication is more than half of a face to conversation. No disagreement with what you wrote... As have said several times, there are things that make it hard for some people to meet people IRL...Aspergers/ADHD...Agoraphobia.... But if meeting in person works for you, that's great! Keep on keeping on.. 
As for the *second* comment above...*I* personally do not need to "look into your eys" or hear your voice to decide if I want to meet/ get to know you...and the quickest way to creep me out when we *do* meet is to stare at me/ force me to let you look in my eyes.. 
That has *always* made me extremely uncomfortable. I remember one guy in particular some 38 years ago who just luuuuved to do that...It was a short relationship....LOL (Don't need anyone's analysis of why this is, thanks..I'm good...) It all boils down to people need to be allowed to do what makes them comfortable WRT meeting other people. |
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Do you always take things so literally? Seeing into the soul has nothing to with staring.
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There's nobody here in bodunk but cows and coyotes
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Observing how someone treats other people, listening to how someone your meeting for coffee talks to the barista. Do they smile? Does the smile go to the eyes? There are dozens of ways to get to know the essence of someone.
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There's nobody here in bodunk but cows and coyotes Not much you can do about that except move... |
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People believe it is easier because they are in love. They can do everything even the impossible, just saying... Just saying what? |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Tue 10/30/18 06:26 PM
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Do you always take things so literally? Seeing into the soul has nothing to with staring.
I am an INTJ..we do take things literal...and *I* equate looking in someone's eyes for more than a second or two as staring. And, regardless..having someone want to look into my eyes for any length of time make me uncomfortable..creeps me out. No, I have nothing to "hide" (what can a 18 year old have to hide anyway? I was 18 when the situation I meantioned earlier happened) ) That's just someone's projections.. It makes me uncomfortable, end of story. If *you* dig doing that...that's perfectly fine.. As i said, everyone is different. |
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Observing how someone treats other people, listening to how someone your meeting for coffee talks to the barista. Do they smile? Does the smile go to the eyes? There are dozens of ways to get to know the essence of someone. Totally agree with this. I’ve even seen a friend behave badly to servers in a restaurant. I made them aware of their rudeness right then and there. I am no longer friends with that person. It tells a lot about who they are. Manners and politeness count and I don’t want to be with someone who lacks in this. |
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Observing how someone treats other people, listening to how someone your meeting for coffee talks to the barista. Do they smile? Does the smile go to the eyes? There are dozens of ways to get to know the essence of someone. Totally agree with this. I’ve even seen a friend behave badly to servers in a restaurant. I made them aware of their rudeness right then and there. I am no longer friends with that person. It tells a lot about who they are. Manners and politeness count and I don’t want to be with someone who lacks in this. Everyone should work in the food service industry at least once, so they have a real idea of how it works... I have known only one person who was rude/ dismissive of wait staff... I was tidying up the table, putting stuff on one plate..she said "why are you doing that? That's their job...don't do it for them, that's what we pay them for.." Piss off.. *I* do it because I am a considerate person, and recognize they are busy, and anything *I* can do to make their job easier.... *That* costs me nothing. |
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I haven't worked in the food industry, but I still know how it works.
I don't clean up the table before I leave. I enjoy eating out so I don't have to clean up. I think most people agree with that. If I was inclined to clean up like the restaurant employees, I would rather stay home, cook and clean up my own mess. |
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Before I started using dating sites this medium (TCP/IP relationships) was via avatars, personas and fantasy, role-play was expected.
I was a terminator squirrel for years and I interacted with many personas in such a way that nothing 'serious' was expected. When I entered the online dating communities I had a hard time adjusting to the 'seriousness' of the people I interact with. I "switched off" my persona and became me. Having interacted like I did on other forums and chat groups I recognize personas easily. There are a lot of people on these dating sites that use personas to help them interact with the people they meet. This "play acting" is detrimental to finding a good match. A persona/avatar type online personality hides the real you. What happens is someone falls in love with the persona and the real-life personality is something very different. When the two meet, there is a feeling of dishonesty and trust becomes an issue. After a few 'disappointments' people become wary of the actual real life meets so they disqualify everyone. The woman I am currently seeing has read and reread my profile many times. She tells me how perfectly it describes the real me. I let her read about my old persona and she got a belly laugh from it's corny description. About my screenname:
Anatomy of a Terminator Squirrel HEAD Unobtainuim Case Triphasic Stratolayered Uphoeric Quantum Processor Multiphasic Attatchment Node Units (4) Trilinier Scopic Full Spectral Vision Optimiser Onobtainium Plated Titanium Denture Set Enhance Bulbous Olfactory Intergration Module Amplified Predicting Wisker Group Omni-Directional Auditory Enhancement with Range Expanders Quantum Enhanced Reaction Module Gangaloidal Backup System 5-Port USB Tri-fire Hub Wireless Communications System Interplanetary Internet Encyclopedia Galactica Reference System HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy Reference System Orion's Arm Psionics System A Potato - Uncooked LifeDrive Separation Module Zero Point Energy Node Negative Mass Tachyon Defense Module 8 Barrier Defense Field Generator TORSO Absolute Zero Heat Exchanger Unit Gangaloidal Backup System Zero Point Energy Node Quantum Enhanced Reaction Module Slave Unit Unobtainuim Stratocluster Framing Unit Multiphasic Attatchment Node Units (128) LifeDrive Separation Module Command Unit Negative Mass Tachyon Defense Module 8 Barrier Defense Field Generator Nano Construction Factory Unit Tractor/Repulsor Beam Emmitters (2) Holographic Display Emmitter Triphasic Defense Assualt Cannons Attachment Creation Nano Db Nano-Factory Construction Accelorator Software Personal Wormhole Unit Dimensional Buffer Screw Acrid Fart Simulator Package All-Weather Fur (Flame-Proof) One bottle of Scent of a Squirrel ARM/HANDS Instantaneous Reaction Units Nano Slave Assembler Node Gangaloidal Backup System Unobtainuim Fineline Framing Unit Unobtainuim Full-Motion Joint Reflex System Weapon System Index Construction Library Modules A Nutcracker RF Insulators Onobtainium Plated Titanium Claw Set Pulveriser Attachment Module Projectile Attachment Module Energy Weapons Attachment Module Phasic Weapons Attachment Module Nano Resource Collection Module Graviton Nullification Emmitters Phase Transduction Amplifiers (4 per extremity) LEGS/FEET Instantaneous Reaction Units Nano Slave Assembler Node Unobtainuim Fineline Framing Unit Unobtainuim Full-Motion Joint Reflex System Onobtainium Plated Titanium Claw Set Pulveriser Attachment Module Projectile Attachment Module Energy Weapons Attachment Module Phasic Weapons Attachment Module Nano Resource Collection Module Graviton Nullification Emmitters Phase Transduction Amplifiers (4 per extremity) Gangaloidal Backup System Zero-Point Induction Jump Jets Random Kick Inhibitors (2) Twitch Stabilizers Nano-Dock Leg Chambers (Chromed) A Clean Washrag Enhance Traction Control Proton Isolation Replusion Module Absolute Zero Heat Exchanger Units (2) G-Maximus Printer Port Waste Projectile Cannon Reproduction Simulator Module TAIL Twitch Stabilizers Glorious Appearance Fur Fluffer Module Unobtainuim Fineline Framing Unit Unobtainuim Full-Motion Joint Reflex System Pulveriser Attachment Module Projectile Attachment Module Energy Weapons Attachment Module Phasic Weapons Attachment Module Nano Resource Collection Module Instantaneous Reaction Units Nano Slave Assembler Node Gangaloidal Backup System Point Defense Tracking System 500 Free MP3s Enhanced Fire Control System General Trait One Great Personality Software Libraries One Billion Nut Recipes Repository Of Forest Creatures Scampering 101 Nest Building in the 21st Century Tree Superstructures and Highway Systems Projectile Weapons Systems Effective Clawing When to Bite Controlling that Twitching Tail Terminator Series Nodes and Module Systems Encyclopedia Universe Expanded Edition Rodent Family Histories Machine Language Db Talking With Your Nanos Cooling with Absolute Zero Zero Point Diagnostics Everything in a Nutshell |
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May it be in real life, or on social media. It is easier to be be found, than finding somebody. And in situations, you never expected to happen. Somebody has to take action! But how can you find someone in real life if you do not have the social skills to converse and interact? I might be really off base, but I believe this medium is helping to erode one on one social skills. So... what do people do online you think? Open a chat and sit in silence? Online you need better social skills as your typed words are all you have to convey the message. In real life we rely a lot on body-language, we're just not so aware of it, but BL says it all. Online you don't have BL, you will have to learn to convey the message of who you are and what you're like with virtual ink only. That takes far greater conversation skills. Apart from that... people who are online talking to someone usually know that person. It's a friend they're sending a message to or talking to. Someone they regularly see. So they DO have 'in the flesh' contact and conversations as well. When it comes to dating, I doubt most are aiming to keep a 100% online relationship. Most people want to talk online for a short time, then go on a date to meet. So it's a means to an end, not the means and the end. I don't feel it erodes social skills at all. I feel it adds an extra layer to it. Something that was never before required. I'm not much different when chatting to someone online as I am in real life. I tend to giggle briefly, I also express these giggles when chatting. My ex loved that, and when we met there wasn't much difference in that sense as I do that for real as well. In a way I think it can make us even better communicators. Think of authors, the feelings and images they can create in their readers' mind. That's the power of conversation by writing. It is WAY powerful and takes conversation skill for sure. Maybe that's why so many people these days become authors? They are finally learning to express themselves in better ways? |
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I live I a small City. If I lived in a Large city like Chicago or Atlanta etc I wouldn't have time for Any dating. Site. I am out going and get out to meet men in person. Everyday activities And Special events. Understood. Like I said in the original post, we can put aside small towns and rural areas. I am concerned about people passing up opportunities in the real world. It's checkmate if there are no realistic opportunities. It is Amazing how many Men in Large Cities are on Online dating sites. However, many just want to meet someone across town for a quick date. Especially if. they are not. A real Outging person. States like TX, LA , GA, NY. Etc .Have large Cities. |
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