So... all this talk about love & relationships & dating and stuff...

What is it you actually DO in order to find love?
Are you making an effort, member of dating-sites, going out to meet people, actively dating? Or not doing anything much about it, hoping someone will miraculously appear?

In short: If you want love are you doing something so it can happen? (and what?)

As for myself, I'm sort of kind of making an effort but not really.
In a way I want to, but having to go through the motions of chatting with all kinds of people... I find it discouraging.
It's almost like working in my garden: There are good and expensive plants in there, but the amount of weeds...
I kind of gave up on my garden.

I want a new relationship & love, but having to wade through the chaff to get to the corn... I guess I'm not motivated enough, not yet.
I'd much rather just meet a guy somewhere or have a man approach me and then start talking.

I think I'm going on a different, regular dating-site soon, one that allows me to have a look at profiles and photos and allows men to do the same.
THe dating site I'm on now doesn't allow that, different system, which is okay, but somehow I don't think it's going to work.
I don't like having to talk to every Tom Dick and Harry to get to my Frank. I want to get to my Frank, or rather, have my Frank find me.

Nothing! If I were to find great love then it would be time to settle down in one place and I'm not ready to do that yet!

It's been almost a year since I ventured out with seasonal work/travel, I feel I still have a few more places I'd like to see so finding love or preparing myself for love to find me is the last thing on my mind.

However, if I happen to bump into someone along the way and he bumps back, I'd be open to the possibility.

Nothing

I find that I make my connections a meet women thru normal everyday means.. the store.. thru work.. people I know and on the site.

I think that when people really try too hard they put a lot of unneeded pressure on themselves.

I just find that it comes to you.. if you are patiant

I'm not doing anything either. At this time in my life, I don't have a desire to be with someone or date. That may change. Yesterday I came out of the store and was walking to my car which was on the other side of the parking lot. A guy was getting out of his car and as he walked by, we made eye contact. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He was good looking and I would have liked to have talked with him. But the moment passed. What could I do, follow him back into the store? I also figured, he's probably friendly with everyone. That's how it goes and usually how I meet guys, by chance.

And that's how it happens in the movies, too! I hope it happens again for you!

minimal effort

I think I had that great love for I married my best friend. We were together for nearly 20 years, with one beautiful daughter, before she left me for someone else.

Yes, I'm sure I have commitment issues.

Being open to a relationship to me is a big start. Joining this site took some effort (all that paperwork). Sorting through the garbage though, now that really is a lot of effort, but hey its a bit of fun

I hadn't really been trying the past few years. My life just didn't feel stable enough. There have been a number of opportunities, but most all of them felt awkward.

For instance, I can't count how many times I found a woman staring at me on the bus. I have wider than average peripheral vision, so I tend to see things even when they don't think I can. However, the majority of these women were 20 - 25 years younger than me. While it was flattering, it also made me uncomfortable. Being a person who is relationship-oriented, what kind of relationship could I possibly have with someone that much younger?

Sure, I may have done it once before. That was an exception to the rule. Her circumstances and personality were such that age didn't matter. What did matter was that she impressed me to the point of having no regrets. And she also wanted a long-term relationship. That's not the norm for such an age gap. I don't expect to ever have that happen again. In fact, I won't even bother looking for it.

As for women closer to my age? There really hasn't been much around here. Most are either married or too busy with kids and a career to even take note of me. On top of that, many women around here don't share my interests. I get to know them, and we're just not compatible. And yet, I've had many women tell me not to change or to never become like so-and-so. Either that, or the women I **am** compatible with must never leave the house except for work or shop at the same stores as me.

It was honestly easier when I was in my 20s than it is now. Unfortunately, I was still a bit socially awkward back then. A lot of opportunities went right over my head because I just didn't know how to pick up on the hints and clues. I've sometimes wished I was still in my late 20s or early 30s because with the attention I still get from twenty-somethings, everything would be much simpler.

But I've also come to realize that it would be much easier for me if I lived an a different state. Based on my own personal experiences, I know there are more women compatible with me living a little further north and living in the south. I'm not sure about the rest of the country. I just know those two regions tend to have women I click with. I know this from either spending time there (to the north) or from my previous time on Mingle (the south).

When I came back to Mingle though, I wasn't really looking. I just figured I would get back into the forums, pass some time, and maybe eventually when the time was right I might find someone I'd be interested in. At the very least, participating in the forums would lay some groundwork and familiarity for when I did want to make a move.

It didn't really work out that way, did it?

Nope. Just like my previous time here, somebody took an interest in me before I was even sure I wanted to look. But the more we talked, the more interested I became. Now I want to do whatever I can to make it work out. Will that ultimately happen? I don't know. A lot needs to happen first. But given the situation, I feel the onus is really on me, not her. So in a way, it's up to me whether things work out. That's not necessarily a bad position to be in. But it's also not a guarantee.

So what am I doing? I'm embracing the opportunity presented to me, and working towards that first meet. And go figure, it's a woman living in the south.

If it doesn't work out for some reason, maybe I should just consider moving down south anyway. Who knows.

Well... I use to use a "damn the torpedoes" approach.
Worked really well in highschool and university.
But, not so much, later in life.


A few years ago, a very wise woman told me, that
I'd find a great love.

So, I looked at life.
Can't be a great love, if the other person and I
don't even like each other.

So, I narrowed down my focus, as to what is
important to me, and what is acceptable to me.

I also came to terms with the fact, that I can be
extremely judgemental. I also realize, that good
judgement, is a key factor, to emotional survival.

Whilst I still have zero tolerance, for 'proud stupidity'.
I have become more forgiving of other flaws a person
might have.

Waiting for him to Find me! In the meantime I will be talking to those men I am most attracted to, that approach me.
Online and Off-line. !

I sit at my computer in my underwear and send out vibes to all the women. I'm not sure why it isn't working...

I am doing nothing. If one actively searches for love they will not find it. You don't find love it finds you.It has to happen naturally when you least expect it so therefore I am doing nothing. If it happens, great, if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.

You do that too???

This but I think I got a bite

At least the ones outside the door are real!

Damn mosquitoes...

Mostly I lie on my couch drinking beer watching sports on TV, and waiting for her to ring my bell.

You probably know that on most sites like this one, men outnumber women by 15 to 20 to one. One woman here has already stated that if it were the other way around, the men would be just as picky and cautious with their time concerning responding. It's just the way it is.