I keep looking at the profiles in my area and some of them catch my eye but I'm just so hesitant to send a message. I haven't been on a date in years. Let alone with someone I never met before. Half the people don't have the questions answered which makes me wonder how serious they are about this whole thing anyway. I get messages from men who aren't even in the same state as I am or they are inappropriate which I clearly stated I'm not looking for that. Any thoughts on this?

Thank you in advance.

Never mind the Mutual Match feature, it's only a game. Best way to meet decent people is in the forums

It is only email ;-)

Be very private until you really get to know someone online.
You do not have to date right away, chat them up, see what
is what..if they are in the forums, tis a VERY good way to
see who they really are..protect yourself in all ways until
you are sure of anyone ;-)

What he said...⬆⬆⬆

If I were you I would avoid out of state and profiles that aren't filled out. Just send random messages and don't focus too much on 1 guy. 1st dates rarely lead to a 2nd date. Most guys will do something to make you not want to see them again before a 4th date. So, try not to be so nervous.

yeah , one of the flaws of this system is it attracts every wingnut, whack job, scammer, putz, nimrod, loser, socially inept , pervert and those living in their mothers basement.

Its a free site and you get what you pay for, I would say stick to the forum , learn, interact and get some good advice along with the usual bad advice.

As in for your question, why are you so nervous? depends.
It sounds like you haven't dated for a while, probably married young, didn't have many relationships and that is okay.

We all get nervous, but after a while it goes away.

So far all the advice given here is dead on.

Just keep reading the forums, asking question and it will come to you and the more time that goes by the more comfortable you will get and someone legit will catch your eye.

so its okay to be nervous, it shows your cautious

and, beware of cranky geezers.

I was like this before but then I realised i wasnt even sure if they are real people. with this in mind i began to just say what i think but remaining polite. Just have fun and be safe. Chat till you get to know the real person and aim to be friends first before anything else. Welcome to the forums

The smartest thing I can tell you to do, slow down. Take it as it comes and don't let anyone push you faster than you wish to go.

What the guy above me said about free dating sites attracting every nutjob, etc, is the truth. I've come across many of them. It pays to take your time and talk to people. It pays to be a little hesitant of people on dating sites.

I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds here. Me, and three others, we try our best to keep the riff-raff out of the forums. It's a battle sometimes. But we try. If you want to get to know people in general, or just one, the best place to do it is in the forums.

dub i'm only cranky till the coffee kicks in

ronand nervous is normal but if you really are interested in some of those local profiles send the message. like soufie says just take it slow. nobody from here can get any closer to you than the mingle mail until you let them. just stay here on site not going somewhere else till you are very comfortable and sure

It's all ok. There is such an option like Nudge in everyone's profile.
Send him a wink first or blow a kiss .. and if the guy won't respond, then kick him in the butt .. twice if needed. And if the guy is not a man from the moon, he will respond for sure.
Might be the best way to start a conversation sometimes .. at least to get noticed ..