It’s difficult doing this and keep going at it when everyone here only wants to go on the forums, I find it very to conversewith people here because it seems like everyone’s intentions are not real, why create a dating profile if your married or in a relationship. And there’s a lot of fake profiles, every now and then I talk to someone cool here but it never gets anywhere because there profiles get deleted or there from a fake city. I guess I’ll keep trying but it’s getting repetitive .

I actually gave up, but decided to try the forums and glad I did. I've had untreated depression for years, but finally decided to give meds for it another try, glad I did. I have made some good friends here, and did get a 4 day date with what is now my best friend. Don't give up, but totally know what you're talking about. Good luck, and if you feel you have depression and not on medication, seek help and give it a chance to work.

Thanks

Hi Kale, welcome to the forums.

I agree with Stuball. You've been a member here for a few years, but only have a few posts in the forums. My experience with Mingle over the last year has taught me that the genuine people will be found in the forums.

I've met some really nice people who I am proud to say are my friends. I've had the chance to meet someone in person, who is now my best friend.

I understand the hesitancy in trusting that anyone is real. That was what prompted me to actually meet someone in person. Plus hanging around the forums, you get a feel for who's genuine and who's not. The ones that have stuck around are in my opinion genuine.

Good luck to you and as Stu mentioned, if you think you're suffering from depression, seeking professional help would be a good idea.

Hi Kale,
Of the two issues;
Depression
Finding a date online
The one that needs attention is the depression.
This is because depression will affect finding a date and not finding a date can increase the depression.

Depression is a self-sustaining illness that reinforces itself.
I know because I have battled it and beat it.

For me, I sought medical assistance.
I am a veteran and the VA does have a lot of experience dealing with depression.
First, I went to a psychologist.
A psychologist is a councilor. They treat depression thru counseling. There is a series of tests you will do that helps define your thinking. The test you IQ and how you associate things (inkblot).
Next, they sent me to a psychiatrist.
A psychiatrist does physical tests. They treat depression with drugs and may or may not offer counseling.
We tried two different drugs that did not work before we came upon the one that did. The first two made me loopy. It was my honest feedback that lead us to the drug that did work.
It takes about a month before you know if it is working or not.
For me (everyone is different), Venlafaxine gave me immediate results. I had a chemical imbalance in my brain that venlafaxine corrected.
I felt it working almost immediately. I was able to think clearer, didn't feel as rushed and I was able to have time to divert the negative thoughts to positive ones.
I continued to see my psychologist for a year. Therapy and meds helped me prioritize my thoughts. At about a year, the venlafaxine was beginning to give me headaches. They took me off the venlafaxine but left me an open Rx in case I needed more in the future.
I continued therapy for another year.
During therapy I learned how depression works.
I used that understanding to effectively prevent depressive thoughts. After that year, my psychologist suggested I may not need her counseling, I agreed.
I always have the option for counseling and meds.
You have to realize that what worked for me may not work for you.
We are all different.
The key is to see the right kind of doctor, be completely honest and heed their recommendations.
I see a psychologist about 1x a year now, mainly to just check my state of mind.
I have a Rx of venlafaxine in my house but have not felt a need to take them.

The biggest thing that helped me is that I now understand how depression works, what it does and how to redirect it when it rears its head to strike.

The most important thing I know is that depression feeds on negative thoughts. Its difficult at first but you can train yourself to think positive. I started out by saying out loud
"That's a GOOD thing" when I encountered the good things in life.
I started looking for good things. I surrounded myself with people that are positive. I fixed problems when I could and learned to let go of things that were not in my control. At first, I was surprised at how many things were not in my control. Then, as time passed and I started being in charge of my life, I found more things in my control.

Depression reinforces itself. It feeds on itself.
Dating can be food for depression if you have a negative outlook.
When depression is set, we make simple things out to mean more that they should. Our priorities get mixed up. This affects how we see things.

See a psychologist (not a psychiatrist). Be honest, take the tests, heed the counseling. Then, If the psychologist thinks drugs might be needed, see a psychiatrist. Let them take the samples, do the tests and be honest in your feedback. You could be like me and only need a limited dose of the drug till your brain starts or stops making the enzymes that effect you. You might need the drug over long duration because you brain may not be able to produce the enzymes or it may not be able to shut off the enzymes. Everyone is different. The important thing is to get the balance right.
Don't depend on the drug to do all the work.
Continue working with your psychologist. Use that counseling to better understand yourself. Then, take that new understanding and apply it to your thinking.

When you get a handle on your depression you will understand honest things about the dating process. Chances are, fixing your depression will fix your dating quandary. Even if it doesn't, you will still have a positive outlook and positive outlook is attractive.

I wish you success.

nobody on here is seeking a relationship.

Not true. Some are

Don't give up Op.. I met someone online..here.. one of the best experiences in my life.. okay admittedly I screwed that relationship up... because I am a bit of a screw up..but.. still doesn't change the fact you can find someone that your heart will fall for... even if you're brain does not..

Hello I had an anxiety disorder before but God has healed me.. was bullied because of appearance and skin color ( fatter before with darker skin), had many not so nice experiences in life. For many years, I suffered. I didn't even seek medication eh and people around me don't know that. When negative thoughts come to my mind and whenever I feel alone, I am jist praying.

One day I met a man from a dating site too (though not here, he has helped me a lot and still helping me.. guess we will become a life long friend)... he reminded me of my worth and to always be positive and happy. Maybe that's one of the reason why I am ok now, I have someone whom I can talk and share everything. Now I am using my past to help and inspire people.

When negative thoughts come to your mind just pray or learn to redirect your attention.. keep yourself busy but at the same time face it..seeking medical attention can also help or just have someone to talk to (a friend or a family member) but be careful though as they might help you or might make the situation worse... sometimes acceptance and surrendering things to God are the key Hugs

I guess there are serious people here (like me) but I am here only to chat and join forums. I am not really looking for a date. I will just be disappointed if I don't find any... better to let the things flow naturally... just enjoy the moment and make friends... one day you will meet a date even if you're not looking

Best luck to you

Hi kaleif99

You already got lots of good advice above.
So I will just wish you a Happy New Year.
Cheers!

my advice
don't put all your eggs in one basket
branch out
try new things
get involved in your community

if you feel you are actually depressed
then go in talk to someone about it


you may want to take a break from dating while you work on you

Hi was just wondering what therapist you r seeing as i to am a veteran and nothing is working for me have seen va psychiarist for 15 yrs now not helping me at all tryed every med out ther dr demuri wants me to go to outpaitinent treatment in mil but i really dont like hanging much around other people anyhow any help would be appreciated

Everyone is different.
There are two different types of treatment.
Psychologists treat the mind with counseling and self-awareness.
Psychiatrists treat the body and can include counseling but are more apt to prescribe drugs.

One thing I have found out is that all VA health care is different for each site.
The one that helped me was the Farmington, MO clinic based in Poplar Bluff, MO.

I had a psychologist when I moved to PA that was tele-session at the clinic in Hermitage, PA based out of Pittsburgh, PA.
This is the one that told me it was okay to stop taking the Venlafaxine and then agreed that no further sessions will benefit me.

I have seen a therapist in Biloxi, MS in the last year just to touch base and see if I was still on track. This VA did not see a need for me to continue but did renew my Venlafaxine so I had it if I feel I need it. I have a bottle unopened and 3 refills with a 2020 expiration in case I find I need it.

The Psychiatrist and Psychologist did not fix me.
The drug did not fix me.
I fixed me. I just needed some help from the doctors and the drug.

I had to rethink my entire being.
I was so deluded for so long I was depressed even when I didn't feel the effects. My lifestyle was pro-destructive.
My depression was reinforcing itself in my daily activities.

I feel peace within now.
I'm calm and decisive in my decisions now.
I never worry about things that haven't happened.
I never worry about things I don't control.
I surround myself with things that make me happy.
If depression tries to rear its ugliness I change the subject before it takes hold.
I still get the blues from time to time but I can bring myself out of them. Something I couldn't do before.
I control me, I choose to be content.

This imingle is more about forum interaction! Try sites for dating only and people who want to form a real relationship!

nope. nobody

Love yourself and be positive.. I already met some good and nice people here (all from the forums).. they are my chat friends and I know that they are serious in finding their Ms right..

You are also serious right? I don't think that you are a nobody.. you matter here.

Me, I must admit I am not searching. My prime purpose why I joined here is to chat, relax and meet nice people but I am not closing doors too since I am single... I am picky as to who I reply in pm (only the nice one) but I am friendly.. I prefer makingg them my friend than a partner...

Sometimes it's better to just have friends because you can be yourself without expecting anything and you can freely communicate too.. if one day as I chat I fall and he fall, that's also okay..

no expectation, no disappointment.. just enjoying things and letting things flow naturally... never be in a hurry...

I encourage anyone battling depression not to try to find happiness through romantic partnerships but within themselves. Not to say one shouldn't date, but not to hang hopes of feeling better on another's ability to make them feel good. It won't feel like it at the time, but is a bandaid that could inflame the wound if suddenly ripped off.

My sister battled depression for a number of years. One of the most helpful exercises she depended on to reach the other side was to choose something about her day to write a short paragraph about,only using positive words. It could be as simple as a beautiful flower she saw in the courtyard at lunch, or as uplifting as an act of kindness she witnessed that touched her.

If it sounds too silly and simple to be effective, keep in mind that the re-conditioning is in the process of seeking, discovering, and acknowledging just how much good surrounds us on a daily basis, pulling the mind back from the dreary dirt road it's been traveling and back to Positive Boulevard.

Whatever you do, I wish you the best. I know healing will not be an easy path, but so many have come through it, I am certain that you can too.

what did you mean by that? are you asking me out?

You mean to go on a date or to leave here? which is which my answer is both no.. I don't know you and I don't meet people that aren't my close. Even if someone become a close friend if he's a stranger I only meet them in the mall.. then eat. Nothing more, nothing less.

I only mean that there are still serious here. You said no body eh...