Not sure if its the same principle Doc.The reason I would cut off communication with a bf I discovered was married is the same reason I would have eliminated him from becoming my bf if I knew he was married. I would cut communication because I respect other people's marriages and have no desire to be instrumental in the destruction of his relationship

In the case of not cutting off a criminal friend, I dont feel like Im disrespecting anyone including the victims families as I would suport the full retribution of the law.

And the same mercy you would give your child is a fraction of the mercy I would extend to the friend who was good to me by giving them the chance to explain why they did what they did and even to see if there is any genuine remorse there

.. well I think it is the same deception is deception no matter what...
.. if your friend killed someone or raped someone but never told you.. kept that part of their life secret from you..well.. it's a deception.. if you never met this person before.. would you be friends with this person if you met them after they raped or killed someone..?..

That's usually what kills friendships even relationships it's when the other person does something that you cannot tolerate..
Killing raping cheating so on and so forth lying

Deception is deception

If I dont know the person who committed these crimes , then nothing connects me to them so I would prefer to stay away from pitential danger . If however,Ive experienced a completely loving side of them in the context of a friendship ,and then this new information of their crimes emerge, then the relationship I had with them before connects me to them in some way , in a fraction of the way your heart still feels connected to your child even after you discoved his deception to you .

To some people, friends feel more like family than their own blood relatives.

That said, your response is typical of most people in that horrible situation and understandable

Hi Peggy.

Yes.

Thanks for your honesty lu

.. okay let's coming at it from this angle.. your father brutally heinously kills your mother.... or vice a versa... they're still your parent... but they just murdered your other parent.... bit of a dilemma... love hate..

And thats exactly my point Doc. It is possible to have two opposing enotions brewing in you at the same time. Sometimes one emotion overpowers the other. Sometimes the conflicting emotions reach a stalemate and you just power through as best as you can with what your conscience can tolerate

..well.. then you will find yourself in turmoil and at odds with your conscience..
All the time... do I remain a true friend to this person that did this horrible thing to another person.. or do I leave them because I do not agree with who they are..
What they have done.... the struggle is real people..lol... at some point there will be a Tipping Point in One Direction or another.. only then you will truly know your inner self.. may you walk hand-in-hand with Buddha... child.. may you find inner peace with this moral dilemma...lol.wink.

And Im just saying that your tipping point is ofen towards love when its someone you are heavily invested in , like your child or your parent. For some people , the investment feels somewhat as strong because their friend feels like family to THEM.

Its really a terrible stuation for anyone to be in.

But I know for sure that I wouldnt defend my friend. He will have to face the full consequences of his actions, and so would my child if they were guilty.

But for me , that doesnt mean I would abandon my kid or my friend.

Needless to say though, my interaction with my kid would remain consistent.

I admit that my inbolvment with my friend would be few and far between.

Obviously that trust is irrevocably broken. For that matter, my trust in my child would be irrevocably broken too , but my connection with my kid would probably remain the same , whereas the connection with my friend would be eroded considerably

tough decision, I treat others the way they treat me, not the way they treat others. lol. make sense

Old topic brought up

I'm sure it would devastate me to find out someone that I loved, trusted & thought I knew was
capable of a horrific deed. Lots & lots of therapy.

Do background checks before you get into a relationship, with any man.
Unless he was just someone you knew of, but not connected in Any way.

I dont expect loved ones or strangers to share everything about their life with me, never have, so deception would not be a factor for me

and then there is the matter of whether its an accusation that hasnt been proven to my satisfaction, based on what I know of the person

or if its undeniably true and falls in line with other things I know about the person

its complex for sure, but

for me, loving a person and loving their actions are separate. I would feel horrified or disappointed or betrayed, but I would still love them and remember the things that had brought me to love them. I would want their victims to receive justice, and for them to find peace.

but of course, thats just me.

The time to do the right thing, starts when we wake up
in the morning. Every morning.
Not after the spotlights are on us.

If I knew ahead of time, that a person, any person,
were as described in the original post,
I wouldn't be their friend in the first place.

If, I found out a friend were as described,
not only would I drop a dime on them,
(turn them in)
I'd help put the rope around their neck on the gallows.