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Topic: A few single parent questions
singledad1979's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:29 AM
when do i get my membership card?laugh ...

not to many good catchs in my area.. well havent found any yet. :)

Jill298's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:31 AM
haha you don't get a memebership card... It's a secret society :) It's so secret you didn't even know you were in it.

johncarl's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:31 AM
i too am a single dad and if a girl does not want to have nothing to do with me becuse i have a 6 year and a 18 year old girls they are not worth meeting.or spending time in life with . life is to short. enjoy the days you have.as far as dateting someone i agree that you should take some time before doing things with kids. i have not dated for to years sence devorce becuse i am still going through cort stuff.but my x wife has all ready had 4 guys sleep over her house with my daughter their she tells me .daddy i hope he likes me when he meets me. not much i can do but be their for her.

malibu23wi's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:35 AM
being a single mom, i know what you mean. I live with family right now..trying to save up for my own place again, but i still have no time for dating. I chat with a few ppl online, but have yet to meet anyone that I am sure will make a good bf and a good role model for my son. his father has never been involved in his life, which is sad, and my son misses that part of it...he gets attached to ppl very easily, so i have to be even more careful who i even consider dating. I haven't dated anyone in a yr and half, cuz i just have not found the right one. Good luck to you, and good luck to all single parents out there who are looking for the right person...((hugs))

KAY KAY 's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:36 AM
O.K.....here goes.....

I was lucky enough to be in a relationship with a man who wasn't my kids father for about 10yrs. Now that I am single again.....I have made the decision not to bring anyone around my kids until I have known them for some time (mainly because they are teenagers now and I don't know how they would feel about someone besides their "step dad" hanging around).

But, I met a great guy that has 3 young girls. I was taken that a man would raise 3 young girls on his own and have a full 60 hour work week.

My problem is.....where do I fit in? I feel guilty to ask for more time with him. But at the same time, I am tired of a few hour here and a few hours there. I think that we have known each other long enough for me to meet the kids but, he has never brought it up.

WHAT DO I DO????laugh laugh laugh

no photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:37 AM
Edited by Unknow on Thu 11/29/07 07:40 AM

Im the same way. When i am talking on the phone with another parent i keep a close ear on how she is in the house with the child.. if they arent a good parent it doesnt fly with me. and yes my time is very important to me so i make sure its someone that might be something in the future before i go out with them. no point in wasting my time with someone who isnt gonna be around long. :)



^5! I also pay attention to the adults vocabulary. If it isnt comparable to mine.. forget it. I do not mind 'colorful' adjectives when appropriate, but using them every 3rd & 4th word? Get real.

Jill298's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:39 AM

O.K.....here goes.....

I was lucky enough to be in a relationship with a man who wasn't my kids father for about 10yrs. Now that I am single again.....I have made the decision not to bring anyone around my kids until I have known them for some time (mainly because they are teenagers now and I don't know how they would feel about someone besides their "step dad" hanging around).

But, I met a great guy that has 3 young girls. I was taken that a man would raise 3 young girls on his own and have a full 60 hour work week.

My problem is.....where do I fit in? I feel guilty to ask for more time with him. But at the same time, I am tired of a few hour here and a few hours there. I think that we have known each other long enough for me to meet the kids but, he has never brought it up.

WHAT DO I DO????laugh laugh laugh
I would WAIT for him to bring it up... he will bring you around his kids when he is ready. I would never bring a guy around my daughter until I felt ready for it. Maybe his kids will have a hard time dealing with it..
If he works 60 hours a week and has 3 children, I would thrilled he is even willing to give you a few hours here and there. There are so many hours in a day...

KAY KAY 's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:44 AM
Jill, you are so right. There are racial differences and I kind of think that is what the problem is. It isn't a problem for me, but we have talked about "what would your parents say if they seen me?" He responded with "they would probably Sh!t bricks". I see this as a big problem but I haven't said anything.

Jill298's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:47 AM

Jill, you are so right. There are racial differences and I kind of think that is what the problem is. It isn't a problem for me, but we have talked about "what would your parents say if they seen me?" He responded with "they would probably Sh!t bricks". I see this as a big problem but I haven't said anything.
Then I would just wait and be happy in the relationship that you have without making it more complicated than it needs to be... Good luck! :)

Queene123's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:49 AM
when i was younger my mom was dating and living with this guy that she truly fell in love with, the problem was he couldnt accept his own 2 kids which were boys, and he couldnt accept me and my sisters, well finally my mom told him that we were there before he ever was, and she finally left his ass... i know she deserved to be happy. but he was actually the wrong guy for her for not accepting his own kids nor me or my sisters.noway noway

misswright's photo
Thu 11/29/07 08:16 AM
While I agree with most of the opinions on here regarding waiting to bring a significant other into a child's life too early, I also must point out that sometimes this choice can have an unexpected consequence, especially if the other parent is absent from the child's life.

I've raised my son virtually alone for 15 years, and like most others here, I didn't want him seeing guys in and out, getting attached and then disappointed, so I stopped dating. Gave up on finding the kind of person you all want to find, that can accept a blended family and be worthy of it. I didn't have the time, energy or money to date, too busy being a responsible single parent. He saw me get ready for my first date "ever" when he was 10 with a man I ended up engaged to for a few years. And hasn't seen me with anyone since. Other than during those few years, he has not seen what a loving relationship is, and that is a tragedy in and of itself.

My point is...be open, MAKE the time for dating, take every opportunity to find that special someone. Yes...your child benefits by waiting for the right one, but they lose the benefit of seeing how to interact in a loving man/woman relationship if you spend their entire childhood alone.

One last point...I was lucky enough to have 3 brothers who stepped up to the plate as far as being male role models, and my son saw loving relationships at their houses, so until you find "the one", spend as much time in those kinds of environments as possible. It's hard for children to emulate what they've never experienced. My son just had his first "girlfriend" and had no idea what he was doing!!!!

winnie410's photo
Thu 11/29/07 11:20 AM
i think it is harder on parents who have their child full time. i have my son 24/7. his father is not involved. i prefer to date men who have children b/c they understand the responsibilities involved and dont get angry if i have to cancel due to my son being sick or something. and you can also do play dates with the children after you meet the person and get to know them a little. my parents are pretty good with babysitting my son but i dont have much time to date either. its difficult.

iceprincess's photo
Thu 11/29/07 12:02 PM
I never introduce anyone to my kids until i know where it is going and i don't have a pref of with or without kids but i do discuss indepth their views on parenting nad all that goes with it. The only pref i really have is that they not wnat moore children as i can't have any more.my kids have only ever met two men i have dated one is still in our lives as a friend the other is now deployed adn we chose to end the relationship. I have found that men with children are more receptive shall we say then men without. as for dating it's a juggling act to say the least..............LOL

no photo
Thu 11/29/07 02:01 PM
hmmmm....i think men with kids are more appealing to me because it shows they have their hearts and priorities in the right place. however i would cautiously bring them into my kids life. i wouldn't want to say bring them in for a weekend of "fun" while my child is there and then turn around and have them asking where that person is, why they aren't there, or the constant questions of who they are afterward if things got broken off....and i definitely wouldn't want the chance of my daughter mentioning it to my family later on...kids can say the darndest things...so, introduce the man into the kid's life slowly...when you're positive that it's the right choice for everyone involved. JMO.

lulu24's photo
Thu 11/29/07 02:35 PM
hmmm...i just don't date. as in ever.

i've never found that people run...i have several kids, and i'm asked out regularly. however, i prefer to put my energy in my children instead of a man...

if i WERE to date, i'd have to be seeing the same man for at least six months before he would be able to meet my kids...since they don't go anywhere, that means i'd never see HIM, either, lol.

winnie410's photo
Thu 11/29/07 02:54 PM
lulu, i didnt date for years either. i started venturing out into the dating world when my son was 9. he is now 10. i feel that he is now at an age where he can understand mommy having a b/f at some point. so kudos to you for your choices. i did the same. flowerforyou flowerforyou

cutelildevilsmom's photo
Thu 11/29/07 05:13 PM
i have my son 24/7 also so dating is kind of nuts.havent dated in years.babysitters cost bucks and i would rather go out with friends then waste a night out with a dud.laugh

no photo
Sat 12/01/07 10:25 AM
You are spot on! My two kids have gone away for the weekend to England. When they found out my plans (zilch) they hit the ground laughing, honestly they seem to think that working and looking after them with no other parental involvement means I will still have friends and a social life!!! HELLO! Whats more if I did go out and bring a man back with me (the popes a protestant) they would die a death and then on recovering would start asking me about sex etc etc just to embarass me. Its not worth the hassle!

cavdmr's photo
Sat 12/01/07 11:08 PM

i have my son 24/7 also so dating is kind of nuts.havent dated in years.babysitters cost bucks and i would rather go out with friends then waste a night out with a dud.laugh


you hit the nail on the head with that one. After working a 6 day week and running around to all my sons practices and competitions, I don't need a wasted night with another looser, just get the girls together and actually have fun. we don't get out much so make the most of it!

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