Perhaps read about maslow''s hierarchy of needs .. in which the ultimate goal is self actualisation ....he believed that could not be reached until other lesser needs had been met first . It is an interesting theory of human psychological development .

Humming .. What a girl wants .. what a girl needs ... sometimes the two can become blurred when romantic love is the catalyst .. or dysfunctional thinking occurs .. it is possible to become fixated on who you want that you internalise that drive to become what you perceive as a need you cannot live without .. ask Romeo and Juliet .. Layla and majnun

What you haven't assimilated to a follower like everyone else.I must report you to the collective ..I wonder do the Borg text ..of course they do they're everywhere..better watch that free thinkin'.flowerforyou ..spock

Hi sweetie I'm interesting woman with brain not just with panth and u are the brain woman so we can learn from each other new things haha I'm like to learn new thing .

Almost animalistic in nature?

Are most people on here because they feel they need a relationship or that they simply want one?

is it really a need for someone or is it a need to fulfill for yourself?

I feel like the odd one out.

Much of what you are referring to is based on how we see ourselves and other people. It has a lot to do with self-esteem and degree of delusion.

I know people that will go to great, often self-destructive lengths so they do not have to be alone. For them, anyone is always better than noone.

I also know people that prefer being alone. They shy away from all people for a multitude of reasons.

There is reason to consider the source. This is an online dating site. Most of the people here have been in a relationship with someone at sometime. They seek to have that feeling again. They measure their happiness by their ability to obtain that feeling. A lot of the time, these people think they must feel happy all the time or their life is terrible. They feel they need to find someone else to feel that happiness.

There are a lot of people that don't understand themselves, let alone, understand others. They will substitute need for want so they don't look desperate to others. You can tell the deception by the great lengths they go to while searching for their desired fulfillment.

There are people that have a sense of reality and possess self-esteem and self-realization. These people are not driven to compensate excessively. They accept themselves and others yet still have realistic desires. Online dating sites are merely another opportunity to locate people interesting to them. They know it takes face to face, personal contact, over time to determine if a relationship is possible.

I liken the condition to the empty nest syndrome. You live with your family for years and years and eventually your children leave and it impacts your sense of normalcy. You either embrace the change or you substitute it with someone (something) else.

I have seen people in these forums that are alone but not lonely.
I have also seen people that say they are alone and not lonely but their actions and words prove otherwise.
Being alone and not lonely is not a ploy. While everyone has periods of loneliness the difference is how you deal with it.

I have seen people that claim they are alone and lonely but they have others in their lives. There are a few that are truly alone.
There are many that are just horny. We say there has been a sexual revolution and that society now embraces sexuality but that is not entirely true. Being openly sexual is still taboo. Because of that, needs and wants get fluffed up to have implied meanings.

Well you may or may not be an "odd one," but you are not alone in this. I think that a lot of us very much do want a deep romantic relationship, but especially the older of us have learned that those are rare and difficult to find, and we are patient about finding them.

Also, never ignore casual, more or less sloppy speaking and writing habits. Saying "I need x" is so idiomatic these days, if taken literally, most people would die within the space of a short plane ride, due to not getting all their "needs" met.

From the time I was very young, I noticed that when it comes to socially uncomfortable things like love and sex, that a LOT of people talk about those as "needs," mainly because if they pretend that they ARE really "needs," that will excuse their repeated stumbling or their repulsive greed. It's one of the worst "thought plagues" that humanity continually suffers from.

The term "need" has become a very fluid concept.

According to the strict definition, computers, the internet, and cell phones aren't needs, but try to imagine modern living without them!

There are people who sense that they won't feel complete without a relationship, and there is nothing wrong with that, but I think whats important is finding a way to be at peace with yourself and your life whether the right relationship comes along or not .

That's a difficult process for most people I think

I very much enjoyed reading your reply. I agree that the actual art of sitting down face to face with another individual and communicating is almost a dying art these days (I grimace as I type the last two words). Granted, I could easily fall into the description you put for those who prefer to be alone (mainly because I do not feel the need to talk all the time).

Perhaps it can be chalked up to the idea that humans are always searching?



I agree when you say thought plagues. As if labeling it a need will excuse them from the rudeness or in some cases, the repulsiveness of it. If it's a one night stand or something akin to it, good luck to finding it, but do not assume that another will accept it after you fed them a bunch of lines in opposition to your intent.



I actually did live without computers, internet or cell phones for three months. Backpacked through Australia and it was an amazing adventure!

For awhile, I thought it was strange to want to be in a relationship and want someone to love you or accept you when you cannot do the same for yourself. I believe it is a quote from somewhere, "Loving and believing in yourself will free you to love another more truly and deeply."

I may ramble here for a minute but bear with me, I'm getting some thoughts out.

So I've been reading through some of the topics on the community forum here and it got me thinking.

Are most people on here because they feel they need a relationship or that they simply want one?

I feel like the odd one out.

I don't feel like I need a relationship. It's nice to have one, feels good to have one, can be convenient, makes you feel fulfilled if it's a deep enough connection, and can help you to develop or further yourself as an individual. Further you emotionally, physically, or even psychologically.

A need as in...a drive, per se. A drive to fulfill that desire.

Then you have the want. Where you can be completely by yourself and content in that feeling. Where you can be alone for days on end and not utter a single word and not feel any less for it.

So if someone comes along that you would like to be around more and enjoy, perhaps learn from each other, and find a deep connection with, it's great! Awesome! You don't have that incessant feeling that you need to be next to that person 24/7. Where you can be who it is you are and do what it is you want to do without the person always having to be right at your side.

Then whenever you are done with whatever it is you need to do, you come back, and lo and behold, there they are. They want to be with you as well.

Perhaps I am confusing this with another sense, thought or feeling. Yet with the communication that I do have with others, I keep seeing this 'need' rather than want, and a depression if they do not fill that need. A sadness if they are by themselves out there somewhere.

So to the point, is it really a need for someone or is it a need to fulfill for yourself?

I need to poop. I want nice soft toilet paper to wipe my butt afterwards.

I was not told by staff I cannot be on this board. I was under the understanding this is a confidential dating site. so were is it anyone's business but my own that I am in search of my mate? and further more I only answer to myself no one else.