1. You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

2. You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn.

3. You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.

4. You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

5. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of them, in places you wouldn't even expect tentacles to be growing from!

6. You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

7. Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

8. You laugh out loud during funerals.

9. Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

10. You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

11. You have meaningful conversations with your toaster. (Well, it's a better conversationalist than the waffle iron!)

12. You collect dead windowsill flies.

13. Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

14. You like cats. Especially with mustard.

15. You scream "I've got a knife!" while wielding your toothbrush to people who try to sell you things.

16. You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.

17. You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

18. Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.

18. Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

19. When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."

20. You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

21. You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.

22. You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

23. You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

24. You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.

25. People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

roflmfao!!!!!! friggin' hilarious, tom..

What if you're in a high class restaraurant & you give in to the sudden urge to "Dance With the Stars?"

would that qualify?

So thats what's been wrong with me....

What if you are suddenly compelled to ride a pogo-stick in a figure-8 thru Domino's Pizza & into the police station, wearing motorcycle goggles & a smile, insisting that it was YOU that invented the question mark

That was quick!!! Short and sweet retirement.

You're 401k is bigger than mine...neener neener neeeeener!!!

I'm torn . . . I love fabric softner , but I have laughed at a few funerals , so I guess I even myself out?

When you walk into a public restroom, & you see someone huddled down into a corner, gigglin' & tee-hee'n to himself with an ear-to-ear grin, while chewin' on a urinal-cake...it's a sign he's lost his sanity.

8,11,15,21,22,24 apply to me... HA guess theres hope for me after all!

21. You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.




ok someone knows i've done that?

you know theres two 18's!!

now I know why those men with the white coats are parked across the street