I think we all need to do this time to time.
Trouble is that so much is going on in the world now we have to categories what's important.
I think it's harder for women to take the chance.

Yes, I believe that to be true. I hear it all the time from other who just don't get it. "Oh, well it's been a while, you can have just one...just control yourself"

When I explain it to them that it's like a fatal allergy, a death sentence, they usually get it. But not always. I stopped saying it makes me to wild or crazy because some actually liked the thought of that, lol.

But there's definitely a stigma attached to it. It took years for me to accept or admit I was an alcoholic...even when I didn't drink for several years...because I didn't want to be like my mother! I get it now. And now that I think about it, I believe that was the Key to sustainable abstinence. Acceptance....more so than anything else!

I think any disorder, disease, or disability that includes maladaptive behaviors is much more difficult for people to understand.

I'm not understanding Mikey, take the chance for what?

I appreciate your honesty
<<< daughter of an alcoholic
sister of one ..both deceased
both drank til the day they died


now since I realize this gene runs in family
I CHOOSE not to partake

but...because I have had a close relationship with two people
that did not walk away from it
has this clouded my vision so to speak
my belief on whether I think anyone is capable of change
true change


see why I asked this question?

Sorry, taking a chance with a new relationship with someone who has been a alcoholic or similar.

Tmommy, is it possible that it's not a gene but a lifestyle?
Peer pressure, living conditions?

I think some are more suseptible to it at a physiological level

9 out 10 people can have a drink and be perfectly fine with it

walk away whenever they want to

but the 1 out 10? it affects them at a different level

I think in beginning? yes, they had capability perhaps to walk away from it

but I think for these..few

all things in moderation just does not work

somewhere along the line this became their coping mechanism of choice

and no amount of pressure from loved ones was enough for them to change

it is a physiological response in the body and in the brain

that most do not have

Sorry it's Tmommy
I'd say both, but with an addiction the body craves the alcohol and the brain keeps saying "I need it "
Which one comes first though?
Mind over matter?
Similar with drugs

Yes, I see and understand why you asked the question. It is a cunning and baffling disease. I started life in an alcoholic environment. My mother did finally sober up....years later, after a lot of damage was done. I was blessed to have developed a "mother/daughter" relationship with her the last 12 years before she died. Not everyone gets to do that and it's sad.

There are times when I wondered why she didn't sober up for me, like I got sober when I was pregnant with my first son...well, it just doens't work that way all the time.

I currently have a family member who refuses to get help, keeps trying on her own...and trying, and trying. It's very trying on me! Even knowing and remembering how it was, it's still difficult to live with. But also easier to have compassion and also not get drawn up into whole co-dependent thing....my biggest challenge in life, more so than the alcoholism was, is co-dependency.

It's been interesting to say the least. But I believe the things we need to work on the most in life are often the things that show up in our lives. If we struggle with patience, we are presented with a million opportunities to practice patience until we get there.

Yes, in the beginning there are often times when you can control the drinking. But it's progressive, so even if you hadn't drank in 16 years, the minute you pick up again, it's as if you drank all those years. This is what happened to others I've known, as well as myself. There was always the thought that, now I'm older and wiser maybe I can drink sociably...Or, well it's been awhile, maybe it won't be the same. Not a chance!

It is a physiological response and once you drink the brain will send of messages that trigger an obsession to have more...and more!

Good morning, Tmommy.
The Human being
Three dimensions
Body mind and soul.
I think balance is the key.
And yes, people are capable of changing.

Good topic.

ya know when you hear someone say
oh a psych major? did you go into it to figure out why
you are so screwed up?

hahahaa..there's more than one grain of truth in that

father was an alcoholic but folks divorced when I was five
mom on other hand, was bi-polar
so my brother and I grew up with someone who was either
up and happy " get in car kids we're going shopping"
or up and angry " get down on your knees with this toothbrush and clean that better"
or down in dumps sad lighting candles and drinking beer


dad we would see couple times a year but he was getting arrested for DUI's
and going to court, lost many jobs along way and he was an educated man with two degrees

so brother and I one year apart in age raised in same environment
he chose to drink. I didn't


his reasoning? it's in our genes why fight it
my reasoning? it's in our genes fight like a mutha fuka

Thanks Mikey, I understand now. Yes and no. On one hand, they have been there and we'd understand each other better. But yes, there would also be hesitancy due to the possibility of relapse. But, I think it's just as hard for men to take the chance as it is for women.

Interesting conversation y'all have going here.
The common thread is people being 'able' to change.
I have a different take on change, You may have read this in my posts on other topics in the past.

I had an alcohol problem in the past. I went to rehab and AA meetings for a few years. It taught me how to drink, basically.
Most alcoholics see alcohol as a monster that destroys their lives.
I saw my drinking as a weakness in myself. When I drank, I caused problems in my life, for that, I was an alcoholic. I gave up drinking for years. I stopped going to meetings and stopped beating myself up. I realized that I was the one that was weak. I took control of my life.

I have a fully stocked bar in my house right now. Its mainly there for entertaining purposes. I do enjoy a nice drink every once in awhile but I never get drunk anymore, ever. I can fully control myself now.

Lots of alcoholics will tell you it is one day at a time. I have taught myself to live one moment at a time.

When you face death and survive it gives you a new perspective on things. It changes you. Not knowing or expecting a tomorrow also changes you. It gives you a special push to have control of yourself in the moment.

Everybody is always in a state of change. From the moment you are conceived you change. There is no actual baseline personality. Your personality is a construct of the moments of your life. You are who you are now because of those moment by moment changes. What is perceived as baseline personality is repetition based on perception. Change the perception and the personality changes accordingly. Moment by moment.

When we see others we want them to change to fit our impression of who we think they should be. Perhaps it is because we think it is easier to understand and accept others if they are what we believe they should be. Our expectations give us continuity when they justify. Its a social battle we fight on a personal level.

Being alone on this planet among billions of others allows me to let others be themselves. I know that the only person I have power to change is myself. The most I can do is try to understand others as the people they are. Problem is, a lot of people I meet have no idea who they really are and are not in control of themselves. I've learned to accept that as well.

I don't want you to change. You be you and I'll be me and if we click together we will have something, if not, you go your way, I'll go mine.

bring it back from specifics to generatlizing
what is change
what is involved in making it stick?

Yep....I have a Bachelors in Psychology! Go figure!

Good for you fighting it!

Desire and commitment!

The will and a reason!

Acceptance

gotta go make lunch for hungry kiddos
but will certainly check in later
and contemplate all responses
I appreciate the input