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| Topic: do you think people are capable of change? | |
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I mean real change
not like the kind where he says " ya babe I will take out the garbage" and then forgets again a week later real change.. is it even possible? |
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Yes.
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No its not possible unless someone decides to do it. Everyone has free will, it's better to recognize that than to get frustrated over something that cannot be changed.
People aren't Pinochios, they don't have strings, only knee-jerk buttons triggered by feeeeelings. |
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mmmmm...I agree on the free will part
you cannot point finger blame at someone and say " you need to do _________ and I would be happy" |
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Yes, for those that have a true desire to change, it's possible.
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Good communication of expectations early would fix that basic scenario. I will have to side with my man the Rooster! If the person doesent want to change, it can be hell!
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mmmmm...I agree on the free will part you cannot point finger blame at someone and say " you need to do _________ and I would be happy" If 'love' has conditions then it's not Love, it's its ugly cousin Manipulation. |
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Good communication of expectations early would fix that basic scenario. I will have to side with my man the Rooster! If the person doesent want to change, it can be hell! Thanks Robbie. I just believe we shouldn't try to change someone. It's a waste of time and can only invite drama. |
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Good communication of expectations early would fix that basic scenario. I will have to side with my man the Rooster! If the person doesent want to change, it can be hell! Thanks Robbie. I just believe we shouldn't try to change someone. It's a waste of time and can only invite drama. I totally agree bro!! |
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my brother would have argued that who you are is who you are..it does not change
who you are at 15 is who you are at 30 and who you still are at 50 meaning the basic parts of your personality remain constant |
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mmmmm...I agree on the free will part you cannot point finger blame at someone and say " you need to do _________ and I would be happy" If 'love' has conditions then it's not Love, it's its ugly cousin Manipulation. amazing how many people that love each other come with all these kind of conditions when it comes to living together 
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Maybe with a new couple, or people who have been together years even, I'd say it's not so much change but comprise.
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I have always been a big proponent of choice
anyone and everyone has a choice each day on who it is they decide to be but other day I ran smack dab into a conversation which made me reconsider this.. guy starts messages me and we chit chat for a bit he mentions he used to drink....heavily he's been sober for three years now but when I ask if he goes to meetings he said no not anymore.. I found myself thinking...hmmmm...you gonna backslide just a matter of time 
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I have always been a big proponent of choice anyone and everyone has a choice each day on who it is they decide to be but other day I ran smack dab into a conversation which made me reconsider this.. guy starts messages me and we chit chat for a bit he mentions he used to drink....heavily he's been sober for three years now but when I ask if he goes to meetings he said no not anymore.. I found myself thinking...hmmmm...you gonna backslide just a matter of time
That's usually what happens, but not always. It depends on whether they are using another means of recovery or spiritual program. For me personally, the 12 step recovery program works best in my life. But for my Aunt, who remained sober for years and was a beautiful person, church worked for her. But I agree that if they are not doing anything other than just not drinking....chances are very high that they will pick up again. |
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It is possible but the odds are against it......but everyone deserves one chance. Only one, mind you, or people take advantage.
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I have always been a big proponent of choice anyone and everyone has a choice each day on who it is they decide to be but other day I ran smack dab into a conversation which made me reconsider this.. guy starts messages me and we chit chat for a bit he mentions he used to drink....heavily he's been sober for three years now but when I ask if he goes to meetings he said no not anymore.. I found myself thinking...hmmmm...you gonna backslide just a matter of time
That's usually what happens, but not always. It depends on whether they are using another means of recovery or spiritual program. For me personally, the 12 step recovery program works best in my life. But for my Aunt, who remained sober for years and was a beautiful person, church worked for her. But I agree that if they are not doing anything other than just not drinking....chances are very high that they will pick up again. I walked away..and spent the rest of the day considering my own beliefs on this matter.. |
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I have always been a big proponent of choice anyone and everyone has a choice each day on who it is they decide to be but other day I ran smack dab into a conversation which made me reconsider this.. guy starts messages me and we chit chat for a bit he mentions he used to drink....heavily he's been sober for three years now but when I ask if he goes to meetings he said no not anymore.. I found myself thinking...hmmmm...you gonna backslide just a matter of time
What makes you believe AA is the only way to abstain from drinking? |
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It is a problem when someone has spent part of their life doing wrong, drinking, crime etc.
People can change, I think it's other people who need to change their view of them! The more someone gets knocked back for trying to change the more that person will slide back down |
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noooo..in fact, I know the stats on success with any substance abuse group is not great..
not pointing a finger at AA being the end all just know that there are very few alcoholics that walk away from the bottle for good the ones that do? are exceptional individuals |
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but yet it got me thinking..questioning
are their certain circumstances where my core belief is that this person is incapable of change? rapist child molester someone who is violent someone who has been diagnosed with a personality disorder.. like Narcissist |
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