So I noticed that about 8/10 guys will message a girl with "hey" when he's interested in her, and I was wondering from the men what he expects to hear back. because when I get nothing but "hey" I automatically lose any possible interest because I feel I'm expected to do all the work, but I'm lost as to how. I did some research and found that other girls feel the same way.
here's an example: a guy got my number at a bar once after we had a GREAT conversation, and this is what happened the next few days: 8 "hey" texts in a row, and after I finally texted "hi", I got a "what up" and another 5 "hey". it was quite a let down.

does this mean he's not really interested? he's timid? he's testing me to see if i care enough to do work?
thoughts!

My thought on it is why put so much effort into a first message? Ya it may show the guy is interested. But over half the time, the women ignore the message anyways. So why waste my time?

Hey with all the fun stuff you do.
Do you have any time left for work.

well, women can get dozens of messages every day, there's no way to keep up with all of them right? so if they're like me then they have a process of elimination. I think a guy could really stand out among the riffraff if he takes the time to read her bio, and ask her a question - especially one about her bio that interests him, but also a genuine question that is important to you :)

first impressions mean everything. If a guy doesn't take the time to grab and hold her attention, why should she? ^^

Hey, I would have least added 'hey cutie'

I see where women are coming from I try and give you something to talk about when I send a message. It's just we can't read minds if we have a different view on what your interests are and, we some how make you mad we don't want to risk that. I agree that if your the first to message you need to help the person in keeping the conversation rolling. Also in turn Hi or hey can be seen as they just want to see if your interested in them. Then just say Hi back and if they have something they want to talk about they will bring it up if they don't ignore them their boring conversationalists any way. If they are the first to message it means they are a little bit comfortable with keeping a conversation going. It just matters who's writing it though. I see it as if someone walks up to you in person and says Hi they don't know you, they just want to start a conversation without coming out with assumptions and making you mad. I don't like saying hi though, on here because you took the time to fill out your profile and I'm willing to see if we have the same opinion on subjects if we don't then I'll see if something else would be better to talk about but right as soon as I differ on a subject most women stop talking to me. Which I don't mind just remember your partner isn't going to agree with everything. We are all human and fights happen.

as far as your example goes, here's my take..

i don't know about other guys, but if we met in person somewhere
and hit it off with great conversation and you gave me your
phone number...i'd be calling you in person to ask you out
for a second time...personally i would rather not have a
conversation via a keyboard that takes endless hours when
a face-to-face encounter flows so much more easily..

as for sending out "heys" i don't do those and
idk why anybody else does either...

My experience is just the opposite.

I read the profile and write a message relating similarities I can relate to. A few paragraphs as an introduction both offering insight and asking pertinent questions.
Then if I get a reply, often it is
"hi" or "hello"
edit to add:
Then if I pursue the messaging with additional converstation and topic suggestions I either get no response or something like:
"am I single" or "how old are you" or "what are you looking for here"
All of which are on my profile.

hello sweety

"Hey" is not a message. That is something you yell across the street to someone.

lol, that's a little clearer, and I can only speak for myself, but I feel there's not much opportunity for a good reply in that either xD

This is very helpful! Thanks for your input. it's too bad you've been met with anger with the effort you put in! cause i feel the same way. maybe once interests seem to clash women give up because they have a "magic man"built up in their mind and have worked him up in their heads that can't be realistically reached. maybe a first contact could be to discuss deal breakers to test compatibility? Or to keep things light until you've grown to accept each other and then test the waters of deeper issues? whatever it is, i feel the most successful lies in a question

I haven't gotten the hang of those forums... I figured my replies would appear adjacent to the reply-ee. Can't I edit my comments or anything so I can add a quote?

Sometimes.
Sometimes but not really "not interested" so much as "not uninterested" with a threshold of effort to the level of interest.


Timid guys will probably send you something to get you to ramble on about yourself.
Timid people don't want to talk about themselves, and in order to hide the silence and timidity they try to get you to talk about yourself.
Timid people tend to know they're timid, and use things like the internet to hide their timidity. Many timid people aren't timid online, only in person.


Maybe.
It might be a test to determine your level of interest in him.
It might be a test to see if you're busy.
It might be a test to keep your expectations low.
It might be one of many "hey's" he sent out to many women to see who will respond first.
It might be a test of his role, to come across as "the guy," to make sure you see him as a "guy" rather than a "friend" to chat with.
It might be a test to see if you're a constant texter/messager, if you expect instant responses, if you treat email/text as TED talks, if you live on your phone.

All sorts of information can be gleaned from how you respond, no matter how you do. Any response or no response at all provides feedback as to the type of person he can believe you are.

Or it just might be a means of keeping a conversation light and in the moment rather than having to have "deep meaning."


Why care or be curious about the 80% that turn you off, rather than focusing on how better to progress with the 20% that don't.


That seems to be an argument for shorter messages, not longer.


I think this implies an inherent belief that men are stupid and don't realize what they "could" do. Or that it's all ultimately about giving a woman what she wants, providing something for her.


I will let you know as soon as I read a thread with verifiable proof of going to the bar and getting guys numbers and then texting them with serious intention towards dating, or seriously first messaging a bunch of guys in the same desired manner as wanting to be approached.

Like, "HEY, watch out for that truck!!!!!"?

Remember that old saying our English teachers said to us about "Hey" and horses?

I think it has a lot to do with the nature of how people view and interact with this site.
A lot of people are using their phones now.
The nature of phone texting is short and simple.
Not many people write paragraphs using their phones.

When I text on my phone most of the time I write complete sentences but usually only one or two sentences at a time. I get messages where people abbreviate what they say to shorten their typing.
(?RU) is How Are You? and so on...

It could be that 'Hey' is now a short form for something with deeper meaning.
Since I don't relate to that code, it is lost on me.

Also, there is the twitter people that have become so accustomed to the tweet that they condense their meaning into as few characters as possible. Since I never tried twittering or tweeting, I use regular composition in my communication. I also compose and mail letters in cursive script.

The most common texting script I use is LOL - Laugh out Loud
I remember writing love letters and writing SWAK on the flap of the envelope.

Text speak has become so common place many people have lost the patience to compose and read longer messages. Some people, like me, label that as lazy but to some, it is normal. Personally I require more if I am to respond.

hi

Hey

hay is for horses
grass is free
marry a farmer
get all three